24 Arns
by Giton
Summary: There seems to be something wrong with Aeryn and Crais
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer on punctuation and spacing: Fanfiction.net seems to take some out!  
  
Disclaimer: "Farscape" is a protected trademark and I'm just borrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.  
  
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This started off as a Round Robin on the Crais' Cohorts-board but there were only two participants in this one and this is the result.  
  
Broke down the story in quite a number of chapters for easier reading. Good news is: the whole story is here.  
  
Alternative Universe story, set after Season 4. Everyone on Moya is all right, well, as all right as they can be. Something seems to be wrong with Crais and Aeryn...  
  
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Title: 24 Arns  
  
Author: GitonCrais and NotASebacean  
  
Rating: General/AU, Humour, Drama, Action (there is a bit of all in this one)  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Keywords: Crais and Moya crew  
  
Summary: Something is not right with Crais and Aeryn  
  
.  
  
24 Arns  
  
By GitonCrais and NotASebacean  
  
.  
  
It was a dark and stormy night.  
  
No, no, it was a dark and stormy Leviathan.  
  
No, that doesn't sound right.  
  
How about it was a dark and strangely quiet night on Moya. John and Rygel had been trying to repair a faulty connection in the neural cluster when they accidentally shorted out a major circuit and fried the power to 15 levels. Moya was upset. Pilot was pissed off and still insisting it was the others' fault. John and Rygel were banished to their quarters without dinner. Captain D'Argo was gamely trying to help the DRDs with the repairs, all the while cursing his fellow shipmates under his breath. He had plans for the evening that didn't include emergency repairs. Chi was impatiently waiting for him in his quarters. She had bought a scroll on the last commerce planet they'd visited that had some really interesting things on it she wanted to try... really, really interesting things. Muttering another curse under his breath, D'Argo was listening to the subdued and too quiet background noises of Moya when, suddenly, a scream rang out...  
  
The Luxan recognized that voice. He had heard the Elegant Grey scream on more than one occasion, both in horror and in pleasure. But this scream...  
  
Crichton couldn't believe his ears. That was Aeryn's cry of passion. He continued to follow what he was hearing, not believing where it was leading him... straight to the bedroom of Captain Bialar Crais!  
  
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Part 2  
  
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Crichton's feet pounded the Deck as he ran to Crais' quarters, murder on his mind. He finally had a good reason to thrash the Captain. He burst into the room, expecting to find the two in the most compromising position imaginable. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the Peacekeeper -ex Peacekeeper- body draped half across the bed, half dangling onto the floor beside it.  
  
The bed coverings were in disarray, the soft, thick, furry throw, one of the few concessions to comfort and luxury apparent in the small chamber, also hanging languorously halfway off the bed.  
  
Crichton could not avert his gaze from the sight of that strong, beautiful, well-conditioned Peacekeeper body, the torso nude, the flowing raven colored locks of hair freely tumbling in seemingly all directions.   
  
He heard a moan come from the prone form, and immediately recognized the voice as belonging to Aeryn Sun.  
  
The thing was, there was only one body visible in the room, and the body he was staring speechlessly at belonged not to his Aeryn, but to the rightful occupant of this cell, namely, a certain Bialar Crais.  
  
Captain Bialar Crais turned his head sideways to see who had entered the room and then hid his face back in the dense fur of the throw. A soft, Aeryn-like moan escaped his lips.  
  
Now that Crichton was over his first shock, he took a closer look at the half-nude figure sprawled on the bed. The strong back and wide shoulders were Crais'. The raven-haired locks were too curly to belong to Aeryn, but what about the voice?  
  
Crichton stepped closer to the bed, "Crais, what is going on? Why do you sound like Aeryn?"  
  
"Oh, frell!!" The voice was unmistakingly Aeryn's.  
  
Crichton shook his head in confusion. Unless Crais had taken up ventriloquism as a hobby, something wasn't right. He stepped closer to the bed, "Crais...?"  
  
"Stay away!" Annoyance and anger had taken hold of Aeryn's voice. Then, as if the anger gained the upper hand, Crais turned around and looked at Crichton, "Look what they have done to me!"  
  
Crichton stared in disbelief at what was most undoubtedly the physical body of his once nemesis and mortal enemy, the ex-Peacekeeper Captain, Bialar Crais.  
  
The physical features remained his.  
  
However, the voice was just assuredly that of his compatriot and sometimes lover, Aeryn Sun.  
  
And the eyes, they were somehow the eyes he had more than once found himself lost in. Well, not exactly. Physically, they were the eyes of the ex-Captain...one moment a rich seal brown, nearly black the next, always with a fierce and keenly intelligent light in them.  
  
Now, though, another intelligence showed itself in them. The "soul" that manifested through them, was no longer that of Bialar Crais.   
  
No, the eyes into which Crichton now stared, were Aeryn's eyes, of that he was somehow sure.  
  
"Aeryn, what's happened? Who are "they"?"  
  
Before he/she could reply, another figure stumbled into the room. It was Aeryn. Or, rather... Aeryn's body.   
  
The deep, baritone voice belonged to Bialar Crais, "What has happened to me? This is not me!" Aeryn spread her hands in total confusion. Her eyes, normally a deep sparkling blue, were now thunderous. It was obvious that the occupant in this body was not amused.  
  
Aeryn looked with murder in her eyes at Crichton and Crais' voice said, "Is this your doing again, Crichton? Another one of your Erp jokes? Well, I am not amused. You'd better change things back or by Cholok you will not see another cycle."  
  
"I didn't have anything to do with it, Aeryn.... Crais," he stammered when he saw the thunderclouds on Aeryn's face gather, "Crais.... uhm... Aeryn knows."  
  
Both looked at the figure on the bed with questioning frowns.  
  
They all heard the pounding of feet reverberating down the hall.   
  
The Luxan was yelling, "John, Aeryn, are you all right?"   
  
"Pilot, what's happening?"  
  
D'Argo came skidding up to the small assemblage at the doorway to the chamber He was closely followed by the little Nebari.  
  
Rygel could be seen down the passageway, throne sled throttling to them as fast as it could navigate. "Yotz," the Hynerian grumbled, "must my peace always be disturbed!"  
  
The new arrivals looked at John, and then at "Aeryn". They looked at each other, and then into the cell. They found themselves staring at Bialar Crais. No, something was wrong.  
  
This Bialar Crais was not Bialar Crais. They looked again at Aeryn Sun. No, this was not their Aeryn Sun either.  
  
D'Argo barked, "What is going on here?"  
  
John looked at his friends and crewmates, "I'm not sure either. I heard Aeryn scream and I thought that Crais... well, you know.... was hurting her or worse."  
  
The others were confused. Aeryn was standing outside the door, yet Crichton looked over at Crais in the room. They looked back at Aeryn and noticed that she looked more... assertive, not too mention extremely angry.  
  
There was murder in Aeryn's eyes and she startled them all by speaking in Crais' voice, "What makes you assume that I would want to hurt her, Crichton?"  
  
D'Argo turned to John, "We are obviously missing something here, John. You say you don't know either. Well, who does?"  
  
Crichton looked at Crais in the room. Crais was now hiding under the covers; only his raven haired locks were visible above the edge of the covers, "Maybe he... she does."  
  
"Go away," they could hear Crais say in Aeryn's higher pitched voice, "They said they would make a change but not that..."  
  
John looked into the room, unbelieving. He waited for him... her to continue, but finally could not resist any longer.  
  
"Aeryn?? Not what? What's happened to you?" (Even though the evidence was before his very eyes, and he had seen many strange sights since the day his little module had left Earth, he still found it hard to believe what he was seeing and hearing.) Aeryn, talk to us"  
  
The form on the bed sank back down, but there was only so far she could go.  
  
D'Argo's voice softened, and he said, "Aeryn, who has done this to you?"  
  
The only response was a muffled sob.  
  
The "other" Aeryn, the one whose every mannerism, every inflection fairly shouted out "I am Bialar Crais", finally said, "Aeryn, although I like you as a close friend I do not like to be *this* close." He placed his hands on her body and coloured slightly when he realised his gesture.  
  
Not quite sure what he could do with Aeryn's hands without embarrassing himself, he finally crossed his arms over her chest, then realized that this new stance was even worse. Her brow darkened in annoyance. He started pacing the deck and the others looked away when they saw Aeryn taking bigger strides than usual and Crais trying to balance the body he was not born into.  
  
"Since the others don't seem to be affected, I have to conclude that it must have happened because we were together."  
  
Crichton raised an eyebrow but Crais ignored it. He continued, "We were the only two who went down to the planet today. There was only one time when we were not together and that was when I found that sensor for Talyn in the little electronics and parts shop. That shopkeeper would not get to the point and name his price, and this was the first time I've run across a piece like that in over a monen of searching.  
  
He insisted on showing me every part he had that had ever been installed in a To be honest, I could hardly show too much impatience with him. Talyn needed that sensor, and who knows when I'll find more Leviathan components in the Uncharteds?  
  
You said that you wished to investigate the bazaar a bit further, and would be back within an arn, and would meet me at the inn we had found earlier."  
  
"Aeryn" had finally reached the bed, and she carefully sat down next to the figure of "Bialar". She gently reached over, and turned the male figure toward her.   
  
"Bialar" was reluctant at first, but slowly he turned to the female ex-Peacekeeper. "He" looked into "her" eyes, and then turned "his" gaze away again.  
  
The others seemed to have been struck dumb. They stood watching in silent astonishment.  
  
"He" finally looked up at the female form still cradling his arm with her smaller, more delicate hand. "She" said in a voice so gentle that the others had trouble believing that it was Crais speaking, "I don't know what you have done to accomplish this or the deal you struck to have it done. I will not be angry with you but I need to know, is there a cure?"   
  
It was obvious that Crais did not relish being inside Aeryn's body for the rest of his life and certainly not with his own deep baritone voice, but the restraint he was showing was remarkable.   
  
"Bialar" looked at Crais with tear-filled eyes, "I only wanted to be stronger, more decisive, more like you. I didn't want this to happen. They told me I would be able to share your senses, share your consciousness, for a solar day. They said they could do this for me in a way that we would still remain two separate individuals. They said this would be their gift to me... I thought that meant that you wouldn't know, that I could just experience your thoughts and feelings for a day.  
  
You've been so strong. You never seem to suffer from doubt. You just do what you have to do.  
  
Since Crichton's death on Talyn, I am filled with nothing but doubt... I don't know how much longer I can go on... I don't know how *to* go on...  
  
I'm so sorry, Crais. I never meant for this..."  
  
The lithe female form gently tilted "Bialar's" chin, so that the two gazed directly into each other's eyes for a moment. The familiar rich, deep male voice said, "So, you think that I am so strong?" A rueful smile appeared. "Aeryn, who are "they"?"  
  
.  
  
Part 3  
  
.  
  
"Bialar" looked up in the deep blue eyes, "They are priests of Lachmon." Aeryn quickly looked down again.  
  
They could see how "Aeryn" balled her small fists and Crichton stepped closer in case she tried to hit the figure on the bed. Crais found it difficult to hold himself in check and where he found the control was anybody's guess.  
  
His voice was controlled but Crichton could hear the telltale crack in it, "Aeryn, you know that the cult of Lachmon has been banned on Sebacea Prime and through the whole known universe in Peacekeeper control. Their practices were the direct cause of much misery for a great many people, and nearly the downfall of the Peacekeeper order itself."  
  
D'Argo exclaimed, "The priests of Lachmon! We Luxans have heard of them, but to us they are mere legend."  
  
The Nebari asked, "Who are these priests? Are they really some kind of religious order, or do they just call themselves that?"  
  
Rygel's visage was the only one with a knowing look, "Why, of course the priests of Lachmon are real. They call themselves the children of Lachmon, and by their lights they are not so sinister. Only the ignorant would not be familiar with them."  
  
Crichton had been about to say that he had never heard of the priests of Lachmon either, but thought better of it. Instead he asked, "So what did they do that was so bad? How did they manage to almost give the Peacekeepers the old heave-ho?"  
  
Crais ignored Crichton's obscure reference of "heefhoh" and turned to the others. Crichton observed that "she" was holding Bialar's hand protectively.  
  
"The Children of Lachmon were more like a sect rather than a cult," the sonorous voice of Crais explained, "Peacekeepers do not believe in deities but in those days, different beliefs were practised almost in secret. Which was most understandable since the Forces were filled from a variety of different Sebacean societies."  
  
"She" took a deep breath, "The Children of Lachmon, as they called themselves and as Rygel has already pointed out, started off in secret and gained a following. Their ways to gather the people around them was by mind-manipulation and this was accomplished by any means possible, drugs, hypnosis, and even mind transfer. The latter had always been questioned."  
  
"She" looked at Bialar, "Although we might have to revise that disbelief." She smiled wryly.  
  
"Aeryn" turned back to the others, "But their main goal was the disruption of Peacekeeper consolidation of power.  
  
The Children of Lachmon thought of themselves as the ultimate pacifists. They could not see the need for order and lawfulness in the universe. The particular colony from which they derived was a disgrace to Sebacean society and ideals. Chaos reigned supreme. The various races mingled with no regard to that which was either prudent or reputable.  
  
They could not see that *someone* must keep the peace. They did their very best to subvert the growing power of the Peacekeepers, and through their use of tactics such as they appear to be displaying now, they nearly succeeded.  
  
For their efforts, which endangered countless numbers of Sebaceans and threatened the stability of other races besides, they were long ago banished, their home colony wiped from existence.  
  
Since then, there have been whispers that a few remnants existed in various out of the way places, but there has never been concrete proof of this."   
  
"Aeryn" glowered. "Not until now."  
  
The Luxan warrior made no response for a moment. Then he said, "My wife, LoLann, mentioned these 'Children of Lachmon' once. Only once, and only briefly. Before she could say very much, her father and brother both exploded in anger, accusing her of heretical and treasonous thoughts. She never brought the subject up again."  
  
The Hynerian Dominar interceded, "You know, Aer... Crais, there is more than one way to view every picture. You say that the followers of Lachmon were chaotic anarchists who had no respect for the need for and demands of orderly society.  
  
They might say that Peacekeeper ways are needlessly restrictive, even fascist. They might well argue that Peacekeeper medicine is a cure worse than the disease it is meant to cure.  
  
Would you care to take a poll of the various races, which have experienced the blessings of Peacekeeper aid and assistance? You might even be surprised by the results of such a survey taken in some Sebacean colonies, especially if the responses were anonymous"...  
  
"Aeryn" turned with an angry face at Rygel, Crais' voice was low and menacing, "I am well aware how other races see us now, Dominar Rygel the 16th. We are feared and lately I have come to realise that it has not been unfounded."  
  
Rygel knew that Crais was getting irate when he started calling them by their full titles again.   
  
Crais continued, "When the Children of Lachmon were on the rise, the Corps of the Peacekeepers was still revered as bringing Peace through the known universe. They brought order to the Chaos which reigned on many planets, including yours, Dominar. They squashed wars between planets and stopped the intermingling between species whose offspring would have wiped out whole civilisations because their progeny were barren.  
  
You have to admit that in the early days the Peacekeepers were a honourable force of good. It might... it has changed over the past 500 cycles but the initial thought was good. Even now, the Peacekeepers are still bringing structure. Although, over the cycles, even I have seen how they have corrupted High Command.  
  
What the Children of Lachmon were bringing was utter and total Chaos. None of the planets and civilisations would have had a chance to flourish. Would you have liked to see that?"   
  
His anger spent, "Aeryn" turned back to "Crais" and Crais' voice grew soft, "Look what they have done to Aeryn. Instead of the strong woman she wanted to be, she is now more filled with doubt and confusion than ever. Is this how the Children of Lachmon proposed to help her?"  
  
Aeryn's voice ushered forth from the very male body, which had raised itself to a sitting position on the bed, "We will find out soon enough how honorable their intentions are.  
  
Just before we entered that shop, I had noticed a Sebacean male in priests' robes. Something about him reminded me strongly of Zhaan... not just the robes but the bearing, an aura of peace and contentment. I found myself drawn to his presence.  
  
When it became evident that you would be occupied for some time, I decided to put that time to good use. I meant only to see if there was a small temple in which I could rest for a bit, and maybe find some comfort.  
  
I did not expect the priest to approach me. He welcomed me. Somehow he knew that I was no longer Peacekeeper despite my dress. He stated that it was very unusual to find even ex-Peacekeepers this far into the Uncharteds, and asked if he could be of any service to me.  
  
Perhaps it was wrong of me, perhaps it was weak, but I found myself confiding in him as I might have to Zhaan. I still have not forgotten, and I never will, that she is the reason I am still here.  
  
In any event, he suggested that he could be of help to me. I had told him of my fears, and of my admiration for the strength you have shown. He suggested that a sharing of our consciousness might give me insight into how you have managed to persevere despite all that you have suffered.   
  
Why I thought this would be a one-sided experience, I can't say now. But I never felt that this would be a threat to either of us. I would never have accepted his offer if I had thought that either of us would be put in danger.  
  
He promised that there would be no ill effects and I would be able to experience your strength and determination. As an after-effect part of that would be passed to me, so I could better deal with what I wanted out of life and be able to tell John how I felt. He didn't tell me I would become you, and you, me."   
  
Aeryn started sobbing with silent tears and Crichton had to look away when he saw Bialar's shoulders heave.  
  
Crais didn't know how to handle the situation. Then he did the most practical thing that came into his mind. He let the female body he was in determine his reaction. Even though Aeryn had been brought up a Peacekeeper, her genetic memory was still that of a woman.  
  
Aeryn's body moved forwards and encircled Bialar's, holding the body in a gentle embrace. "Aeryn," Crais' voice sounded gentle, "Did they say how long the... experience was going to last?"  
  
Bialar's head bobbed up and down in Aeryn's embrace. "They told me it would only last a short time... 24 solar arns... only a solar day.  
  
The priest said that your consciousness and mine would gently and peacefully drift apart from each other's after that, with no ill effects to either of us.  
  
Crais, you must believe...I would never have chanced this if I had thought it might cause you harm."  
  
"You could not have known what would happen Aeryn," Crais' voice retained its gentleness, "I know that had you known that this would happen, you would not have done what you did. We can only hope that it is only for a Solar Day and that, at least in that respect, they have been honest."  
  
"Aeryn" took a deep breath and Crais continued, "I can not conceive of myself living in your body forever. Nor do I think Crichton will be very pleased to learn that I will see more of you than he would want me to."  
  
Until Crais voiced it, Crichton had not realised that with Crais in Aeryn's body, he would have an unobstructed view of all that he believed to be his and his alone to view. It would be difficult for Crais not to, especially if he had to go to the bathroom or the refresher. He took deep breaths to control his anger.  
  
"As you can hear, Aeryn, Crichton is already in agreement, for a change, with me. Since there are still over 22 arns to wait, I think weshould try and make the best of things. Are there any matters I have to be aware of in your... daily routine? Like..."  
  
"No... no," the voice of Aeryn quickly broke in, "I mean, I'm sure that everything will be immediately obvious to you..." The voice drifted off. Somehow that wasn't exactly what she had meant to say. Well, it was, but it didn't sound like what she wanted to say.  
  
"Bialar" looked downwards, but that didn't seem very appropriate either under the circumstances. Her relationship with her former Captain had at times been very complicated, but she had never been intimate with him... well, not until now, anyway. She could feel an odd, warm feeling suffusing her... his face. Blushing was nearly unheard of within Peacekeeper ranks, and any of the onlookers would have cheerfully bet his or her soul that they would never have witnessed such a reaction on the visage of Captain Bialar Crais, but that was exactly what Crichton and the others watched now.   
  
"Bialar" glanced back up, and found herself gazing directly into her very own eyes. She suddenly realized that the grim expression on "her" face was fading, and a very unexpected twinkle was beginning to appear in those eyes. A moment more, and Aeryn's face began to sport a huge grin. This was quickly matched by the smile spreading across Bialar's countenance.   
  
Suddenly, the two of them broke out in peals of laughter. In a moment, they found themselves hugging each other.  
  
D'Argo and Chiana found themselves trading glances, and soon, they were each trying without much success to keep a straight face.  
  
Chi said, "So everything's back to normal here, now, right?"  
  
The Luxan gave her one of those 'here we go again, can't you ever behave'-looks, but he was obviously amused and relieved rather than upset.  
  
The Hynerian was muttering something about "bodybreeders" but was saying it under his breath.  
  
Crichton on the hand wasn't as amused as the others. Although he had gained some secret satisfaction in seeing Crais embarrassed, he was now not very happy that Crais and Aeryn were in each others' arms and laughing.  
  
"Are you sure you are back in your right bodies now?" Crichton asked when the laughter subsided a little. The pair was wiping the tears of laughter from their faces.  
  
Bialar had sat up on the bed and the sheet had dropped from his shoulders. His broad chest made Crichton even more envious of the man. Bialar looked at Crichton and a coy smile appeared on his face, it made Crichton uncomfortable. Crais opened his mouth and said in the dulcet tones of Aeryn Sun, "John, this is not some kind of joke or elaborate deception we are working for your benefit.  
  
Somehow, I believe that the priest was telling the truth when he said that this mingling of our spirits would only last for one solar day.  
  
However, that still leaves about 22 arns before the change. If Crais and I can be patient, it certainly seems that you can do likewise."  
  
The deep, rich voice of Bialar Crais again issued forth from the sleek female body, "Indeed, Crichton, it would seem that Aeryn and I are the ones who are most inconvenienced by this turn of events. If we can gracefully handle the situation, then assuredly you can do likewise." The rather wolfish grin that appeared on her face suggested that the sometimes inflexible ex-Peacekeeper Captain was beginning to see advantages to this turn of events.  
  
Crichton began, "But Aeryn..."  
  
The magnificent male form on the bed turned to the sputtering human, "Yes, John, we know that you are not pleased with this situation. Neither are we," although to tell the truth, both Sebaceans were starting to seem distinctly less upset about their predicament, "However, there does not appear to be very much that any of us can do about it. Therefore, I suggest that we calmly wait to see what the next 22 hours bring."  
  
The other Sebacean interjected, "If this state of affairs does not resolve itself in a solar day, then it may be time to go priest-hunting. For now, we will endure..."  
  
Crichton did not think that either of the two Sebaceans were suddenly looking all that put upon, but for once he could not think of a witty, or even not so witty, retort.  
  
The Nebari popped up, "So things still aren't so normal around here, huh?"  
  
Aeryn's voice responded, "Chiana, since when is anything ever normal aboard Moya? I meant merely that we will find a way to cope."   
  
Crichton said, "What are we going to do now?"  
  
.  
  
Part 4  
  
.  
  
Aeryn's head turned to him and Crais said, "Since we still have 22 arns to see if the priests were telling the truth and since we are in the middle of the sleep cycle, I think I'm going to bed and finish my sleep." Crais stretched to loosen his muscles and gave the others a tantalising view of Aeryn's well-formed curves.  
  
Aeryn chuckled, "Crais, you might do your stretching different from what you are accustomed to. I think John is going to spring a blood vessel if you keep doing it like that."  
  
Crais brought Aeryn's arms down, "Sorry, habit. Well, I'm off to bed." Aeryn's body stood up and moved to the door.  
  
"Crais, where are you going," asked Crichton.  
  
"To my quarters, where else?" Aeryn raised an eyebrow.  
  
"But they are my quarters too," spluttered Crichton.  
  
"Yes? Is that a problem?"  
  
"Crais! You are a male!"  
  
"I have slept with males before on Campaigns, without any recreational thoughts I might add," Crais said grumpily.  
  
"But you are in Aeryn's body!"  
  
"You have slept with Aeryn before," the cool calm tones of Crais told them that he really couldn't see Crichton's problem.  
  
"But not with you," Crichton said lamely.  
  
"I would not want you to, Crichton. See it as a campaign. Now, if you will excuse me." She brushed passed Crichton.  
  
The others finally couldn't keep from laughing out loud. Chiana hung limply in D'Argo's arms.  
  
Crichton finally ran after Aeryn, "Crais, you miserable..."   
  
The radiant Aeryn Sun spun on her heels. Crichton suddenly found himself face to face with one ex-Peacekeeper but he was painfully aware that the soul he was addressing was that of the other one--the wrong one, to his mind.   
  
Bialar Crais, on the other hand, was becoming annoyed enough that he felt his sometimes less than perfect control over his temper slipping. Ever since returning to Moya, he had done his best to mend his fences with the others, and try to gain their trust. His efforts had gained him precious little, however. He had tried not to let that rankle, but still...  
  
His voice rang out, and in the clipped tones which signalled that whoever he was addressing was entering particularly dangerous territory, he said, "Very well, Crichton, if you do not wish me to share your quarters with you, then perhaps it is best if I return to my own. I am sure that Aeryn and I will be able to coexist quite nicely until tomorrow."  
  
He headed back toward his chamber.  
  
Crichton stood with his mouth left open. No-no-no-no, that wouldn't do at all. He would be sleeping with Crais... uhm... Aeryn... uhm... whomever. He ran after Crais and spun Aeryn around, "No, you can't sleep with him... her."  
  
Aeryn raised an eyebrow. "Make up your mind, Crichton," Crais said in a deep low voice which showed that Crais was starting to lose his patience with this Jhumon fast, "I have no intention of spending the rest of the sleep cycle in the corridor walking from one room to another while you try and make up *your* mind where *I* will sleep."  
  
"I will sleep with Aeryn," said Crichton.  
  
"And how will you react when you wake up and find me back in my body? I think it is safer for all concerned if I sleep in my own bed, after all."  
  
The wolfish grin reappeared.   
  
Crichton could not believe his ears. Did he just say he was going to sleep in his own bed? The scowl, normally associated with Crais, was now on Crichton's face, "Aeryn is now in your bed."  
  
"Only in spirit. It is my body, which is now occupying my bed. And I intend to get some sleep."   
  
"Oh no, you're not! What if you decide... in the middle of the night... so to speak... to uhm... well, you know."  
  
Aeryn canted her head and Crais replied sarcastically, "You are quite eloquent with words, Crichton, but have no fear... I would not do anything to Officer Sun that she would not wish me to do. I seem to have more faith in her and respect for her than you do, Crichton."  
  
The male figure on the bed lowered "his" head and buried "his" face in the throw, but not before everyone saw the uncharacteristic smile that came over "him".  
  
Crichton frowned at Crais. He didn't like to be rebuked regarding his trust in Aeryn but he couldn't do much about his jealousy. Especially if he compared himself with Crais' physique and appearance.  
  
It didn't help when he saw "Bialar" smile behind "Aeryn's" back. What if he was wrong? What if both of them were wrong?  
  
Aeryn observed him calmly, "Well?"  
  
"I think that under the circumstances perhaps we should all give up on the idea of going back to sleep. Does anyone here really feel like sleeping anyway after all of this excitement?"  
  
Crais and Aeryn exchanged glances, and shook their heads. Aeryn turned to Crichton, "I don't know about you but I am rather tired and I want to go to sleep. And I am going to sleep in my own quarters. If you want to make certain that nothing happens between Aeryn and myself, then we can always leave the door open while you watch us sleep."   
  
Aeryn stepped inside and walked over to the bed. At the last moment Crais remembered not to undress before lying down besides his body. Aeryn looked over at Crais, "Goodnight, Officer Sun. Hopefully tomorrow will bring us the solution we seek ."   
  
Bialar turned to Aeryn, "Crais...Good night!"   
  
Crichton was true to Crais' suggestion. He sat in front of the open door and watched them the whole night. His eyes were tearing with sleep and his head dropped forward a couple of times but all he could see was their gentle rhythm of sleep.  
  
The others had gone to bed. They found his behaviour rather strange.  
  
Crichton's head dropped forwards and came to rest on his knees. 


	2. 24 Arns, part 0508

Part 5  
  
When Crichton finally fell asleep, Aeryn woke up. She found herself still in the body of her former Captain.  
  
Her, well actually, physically it was his, right hand was draped casually, and perfectly innocently on the point of Aeryn Sun's hip.   
  
The body of Aeryn Sun seemed to be deep in the throes of sleep. The eyes were closed, and her chest slowly rose and fell in a gentle rhythm.  
  
The female looked so peaceful, so innocent, altogether guileless.  
  
Still in the body of her former Captain, she examined the form next to her more closely. It was odd to see her body like this. For one thing, what she beheld was a mirror image of the sight she usually faced; not that ex-Peacekeeper Officer Aeryn Sun spent a lot of time admiring herself in a mirror. Which was not to say that she never looked at herself in a mirror either.   
  
A long time ago, Zhaan had correctly surmised that while the Sebacean female was not consumed with vanity, she still did care about her appearance. She desired to be not only clean and neat, but to present herself as attractive to those she cared for and whose opinion she valued. The Delvian had understood that balance was not only desirable, but necessary -a good spirit was desirable, but so were a good heart, a good mind and a good body. Zhaan had been able to show her how to accentuate her beauty naturally.  
  
The female body that Aeryn observed was young, having not long ago entered the prime of its life. She was proud to note that the body -her body- was slim and even somewhat wiry, but not unattractively so. It was fit and well muscled but still very essentially feminine. Her raven colored mane was strewn about the pillow. The facial features were regular and generous, the lips now slightly parted in sleep.  
  
Aeryn was finally able to see herself as John saw her. Not as she saw herself when she looked in the mirror but as the flesh and blood self. She could understand his fascination with her. Not that she was vain, but seeing herself in sleep made her understand better.  
  
Her body shifted in sleep. One arm was thrown up and came to rest at a curve over the head. Even in sleep, Crais exuded confidence and Aeryn longed to have that confidence. It was why she had done what she did. Hopefully she would still retain some of that confidence when she was in her own body again.  
  
She sighed and lay back. She scratched her chest and found it strange not to feel the curves when doing so. She smiled. How would it be for Crais? What she was now lacking in curves he would have in abundance to experience. She touched his chest again. Very taut muscles, even when they were relaxed. Crais kept himself in shape. She resisted the urge to explore further. Their body swap, even though non-voluntarily was still based on trust. She thought about the hours still to come that she would be spending in this body.  
  
She was determined that she would do nothing "inappropriate" while she inhabited the body of her ex-Captain. The thought of what might constitute "inappropriate" caused a little twinge such as she had never experienced before.  
  
She looked over again at her own body and saw how it turned over. Crais mumbled in his sleep and was trying to get comfortable. It was obvious that he wasn't used to the different rise on his upper body and was now wriggling to get more comfortable. Small deep grunts escaped Aeryn's lips. He finally turned over on his side and slept on.  
  
Aeryn curled her mouth in a smile she had never thought possible. Although it was her intellect squarely inhabiting this strange yet beautiful body, it definitely seemed to have ingrained "body memory".   
  
Muscles seemed to have retained the habits built up over many years of life. She had conscious control over them, but when she wasn't exerting that control, then she became aware of what was normally not part of her. How was she going to sleep on her stomach knowing that certain parts would get in the way? Would it stretch or crunch? Up or down? She felt it inappropriate to touch that part or even to think about it but how would Crais' body know how to sleep on it? She tried to empty her mind but the more she tried the more she wondered and conscious control was taking over.  
  
Crais' face got a very Aeryn-like scowl. Frell, why did she have to think of that!  
  
She had slept in a jumble of Peacekeeper bodies more than once while out on assignments, and it had never been a very big deal. She minded her business, and everyone else minded theirs, too, unless they agreed not to.  
  
The occasional involuntary reaction was usually considered cause for mirth, and earned the "offending" party a good-natured teasing.  
  
Suddenly the shoe was on the other foot, and she wasn't finding it remotely funny. She had no idea how to "control" this body. She knew the human was asleep on the floor outside the chamber, and had no desire to give him reason to complain of her actions, or more importantly, to doubt her.   
  
She also was aware that she had very complicated and contradictory feelings about the man with whom she shared this bed. Frell if he was in her body, the person she was laying next to *was* Bialar Crais -her one-time Captain, her friend (whether the others understood that or not), and a man whom she admired, and whom she had to admit that she had a very real attraction to, even though it was the human that she was in a relationship with.   
  
Aeryn rolled over again and noticed with a satisfied grin that Crais' body had remembered how to sleep on the various parts.  
  
Her... no... his hair fell forward across her face, silken curly hair, not the straight hair that was hers. She had always secretly envied him his hair, so different from hers. She touched it. It was soft. She had always believed it should have felt wiry; why she didn't know. But she had been wrong; it was very soft to the touch.  
  
She sighed and moved her head over the pillow, the beard made a rasping sound. She touched her face and could feel the stubble on her cheeks.  
  
She flipped her eyes open in panic and thought hard. How was she going to shave tomorrow? Crais always liked to look impeccable, he would not want to walk around with stubble on his face but she had never had to shave. What would happen if she tried to shave this face?  
  
If she neglected this daily "morning" ritual, not only would the others see "Crais" in a state that he normally would never permit. She would spend the day conscious every time he looked at her, at *his* body, that she had not lived up to his expectations, that she had by her actions somehow "failed" him again.  
  
On the other hand, passing her hand over the unfamiliar face, she was acutely aware that below the stubble was very soft and tender skin. She caressed that honey colored skin, and imagined it after she had finished her maiden attempt at shaving it, cut, bleeding, half a moustache gone,and an unruly line on the goatee itself. And what about the two perfectly shaven spaces under his lip? Her hands were already shaking with the thought of those patches alone and the panic rose again. Should she just stay in bed? That would be safer! She wouldn't have to shave or comb that beautiful hair.  
  
No, she couldn't do that to him either. He was an early riser and had a morning routine. She had watched him from the shadows in the Hangar Bay, early in the morning when everyone was still asleep, going through the Vah'ni Panthak regimen, the highest form of exercise. She had marveled at his movements. She had never reached that level. Would his body remember? Would her body be able to do it if he was going through the exercise? And with that happy thought, she fell asleep.  
  
.  
  
Part 6  
  
.  
  
Crais woke up a few microns after she went to sleep and looked around him. For a few moments, he felt disoriented. He looked at his twin, lying across from him. He looked down at his own body, or what he had expected to be his own body.  
  
It most definitely wasn't.   
  
The events of recent hours came flooding back over him. He still found it hard to believe, but looking at the beautiful female figure, he was forced to accept that this was no nightmare. Somehow, this was real.  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment, and lay quietly. He had been preoccupied earlier with finding a way to accept and handle the situation he had found himself in. Now he began to pay more attention to his circumstances and found that he was in quite a precarious situation. It wasn't the body per se that would cause all sorts of problems. He had a firm belief he could handle that. But the Jhumon, Crichton...  
  
He was well aware, that they were both watched by him. Could almost feel his eyes boring into his. He was lucky that Crichton had poor eyesight.  
  
Crais looked over at his own sleeping form, the slightly half open mouth, the stubble on his cheeks and a panic gripped him as well. But it was different from the panic that Aeryn had experienced earlier. He hoped she wasn't going to try to shave.  
  
He turned on his back and crossed his fingers over his chest as he was wont to do when he lay thinking in the dark. He uncrossed his fingers immediately when they rested on her... no, don't even think about that. He placed his hands at his side on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He knew how difficult it was to learn to shave. It was an art. Fortunately, when pubescent males first began to need to cope with this situation, their growth was weak and straggly, and it hardly mattered that the results were somewhat haphazard.  
  
Later, by the time the skill was truly needed, youths had usually gained enough experience to make a presentable showing of themselves.   
  
Bialar remembered his own first attempt. He was about 16 cycles old, his beard growth no more than down on his cheeks. When he had been conscripted, his father had bequeathed him his own razor, a very sharp bladed razor. It was still with him even now. He looked in the mirror and had tried his first movement. He hadn't learned the coordination of hand-to-beard-through-mirror yet and instead on angling it away from his cheek the razor had nicked him sharply near the curve of his mouth. A bloodied line trickled down and he tried to stem it. He nearly sliced his nose when he forgot to put the razor down first.  
  
It had left a scar, nicely concealed by his goatee. He brought his hand up to his face to touch the scar and touched soft skin, no beard there. His other fingers touched soft but firm lips. When his hand trailed over them it tickled. He smiled. It felt strange not to touch the rough, prickly beard beneath those lips.   
  
Lying very still, he glanced downward.  
  
He knew the jhumon would be stubborn and unreasonable enough to lie outside in the corridor all night, and since he didn't want to turn around to face him, he wasn't completely sure whether Crichton was awake. He wouldn't give the jhumon the satisfaction of letting him see Crais turn his attention to him. Let him lie there; the jhumon would richly deserve the stiffness and discomfort he felt in the morning.  
  
It would serve him right for what he was putting Crais through, for what he had put Aeryn through.  
  
He thought back on what they had all suffered during the last few cycles, when they met up again, two cycles after he and Talyn had StarBurst in the Command Carrier. They had believed the others lost. Talyn and he had no knowledge of what had happened to the others or whether they were even alive.  
  
He and Talyn had taken a while to recuperate and even now Talyn would sometimes be afraid to StarBurst. Twice it had nearly cost them their lives.  
  
And then they had met up with Moya and her crew again. If Crais had even remotely believed that Crichton would behave differently toward him, Crais had been mistaken. The only reason they stayed was because Talyn took comfort in being with his mother.  
  
It had been harder on Talyn than any of the others. They had been adults making their own decisions, even when they were hard decisions.  
  
Talyn had still been only a child, really. He had experienced one traumatic event after another from the time of his birth, and even that had not been easy -his delivery had been so difficult that both he and Moya had nearly died.  
  
Things had never gotten that much easier for him. Bialar Crais had kidnapped him not that long afterwards, and this was probably one of the things that Moya's crew held most against him.  
  
They had not been willing to consider that the alternative would likely have been worse for all involved. Moya and her crew had just barely escaped obliteration so many times. Had she been burdened with her baby, it likely would have made the difference in whether they all had lived or died.  
  
Crais had not taken up the Leviathan modification project years ago out of benevolence. He had been driven by ambition and pride, and the hatred of what Peacekeepers were now that had been buried so deep since childhood, a hatred that he had never dared admit even to himself until the first time he left his Command Carrier, Scorpius hot on his tail.  
  
But once he found himself at the gunship Leviathan's helm, solely responsible for not only his fate but that of this other innocent, totally dependent creature also, everything had changed completely. He was father, brother, friend, and captain to Talyn. More than anything else, Talyn had stepped into the gaping hole that the death of Tauvo had left in Bialar's soul.  
  
Crais sighed. The others would not understand what he himself had come to realise in the time that he and Talyn had been alone. They had needed each other. Both had needed the comfort and bond they had grown into. A complete separation would devastate both. The others still believed that Crais only wanted Talyn for his own protection and that Talyn would be better off with another Captain. They were wrong.  
  
Only one other realised that, he was sure of it. He looked over at his own sleeping form, which at present housed the mind of the one who believed in him. If they couldn't go back to their own bodies, she was the only one he could trust to guide Talyn. He knew Crichton would kill him first rather than let him stay on Moya in Aeryn's body.  
  
His thoughts were brought back to the body he resided in. He could feel how Aeryn had kept her body in shape. His hands... her hands lying next to the body could feel the smooth and soft skin and the hard muscle tone underneath, not that unlike his own body. He wondered if her body could stand up to the rigours of the Vah'ni Panthak. He would find out in the morning. He tried rolling over and making himself comfortable. It was not easy to get back to sleep, and thoughts kept racing through his mind.  
  
Did Aeryn really think he was that strong? He had struggled all of his life to be strong, and he was painfully aware of the times that he had thought himself lacking. He was only Sebacean.   
  
He had learned from his earliest days that he was expected to depend on no one but himself.  
  
He knew that this was one of his failings. He did not feel that he should, he did not feel that he could discuss his plans with the others, or admit his occasional doubts. It had occurred to him more than once these last few cycles that some of his tactics may have been successful, even brilliant, but that part of the reason they, and he, had not been accepted by the Moyans was that he had never given them much of a chance to accept them. He had not trusted the others enough to share his plans ahead of time with them.  
  
Aeryn, on the other hand, had cycles ago become an essential component of Moya's crew. They had melded themselves into a family. Sometimes a fractious, dysfunctional family, but a family, nonetheless.  
  
Bialar had Talyn. Not that he undervalued him, not at all. Without each other, they might not have survived what life had thrown at them countless times. And although Talyn felt more like family to him than his own kind ever had, whether the Peacekeepers or even Tauvo, Crais was well aware that in essence he was still alone.  
  
He knew that Talyn longed for contact with his own kind but that his gunship abilities made the others shy away from him. And in effect he was to blame for it. He sent a silent apology to Talyn as he had done numerous times.  
  
Bialar Crais smiled, although more solitary than most people, even he longed for company sometimes... even for the Moya crew on occasion.  
  
Was it really strength that Aeryn saw in him or was it merely a different weakness?  
  
Crais shook his head in the darkness. He knew he had his weaknesses. He was finally ready to admit to it. Arns with not a lot to do on Talyn had made him very retrospective. He must have been able to show only his strength if Aeryn believed that she had to borrow from him.  
  
He glanced over at his own form. She didn't know that he admired her for her strength and the readiness to have accepted a life with the Jhumon. It could not have been easy for her to handle the lower species.  
  
Crais caught himself, not a lower species, just a different species with weaker traits. From a Sebacean's point of view, Crichton was nearly deaf and nightblind. On the other hand he was able to walk in the sun with pleasure.  
  
Crais wondered what Aeryn saw in Crichton. It was her choice. At least he didn't have to...  
  
put up with the jhumon's constant inane jokes and nonsense remarks. He had never in all his cycles had to suffer such foolishness from anybody, and it gave him a headache sometimes trying to deal with Crichton. Even when they both were trying to get along with each other, each of them seemed to have a rare gift for aggravating the other one.  
  
Besides, Bialar had never been good about explaining himself to others. If they could not see beyond the facade that he presented to the world, if they could not discern his true motives or judge him fairly by the results of his actions, which had on a number of occasions benefited them and their causes at great peril to himself, then so be it.  
  
Yet Aeryn had mostly seemed content with the life she had built here, and with her connections to the others on Moya.  
  
Bialar had been shocked to discover that she still had such doubts and reservations that she had been desperate enough to trust the priest. He had thought her in many ways the lucky one.  
  
He was a loner by nature, even while he was still with the Peacekeepers and his brother had often playfully scolded him for that. Aeryn was different. More accepting. Crais had a difficult time accepting others or the help of others. She on the other hand seemed to almost embrace it. Life would have been easier for him if he were as able to do this as she could.   
  
He was surprised that she didn't have more confidence in herself. He had watched her in secret on the Command Carrier when he was still Captain of it and had marvelled at her confidence, her determination, her grace.   
  
Involuntarily his hands felt the muscles in her body. He was pleased that she had kept up her training. He dropped the hands back to the bed.  
  
By Cholok, the night was long and what they faced at the end of it uncertain. He had better try and get what rest he could, for both of their sakes.  
  
.  
  
Part 7  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile, John Crichton slept fitfully. He tossed and turned on the hard floor outside the cell. In the moments that consciousness intruded on his miserable attempt to get through the sleep period, he began to think that he was being the sorry eema about this. No, let's speak plainly, he was just outright being an ass.  
  
Yes, he was jealous of Bialar Crais. He realized, just as much as either Aeryn or Crais did, that they both had complicated feelings for the other. Even though Aeryn Sun had picked him -and more than once- it almost made things worse to know that someone he respected and cared for so much, who was everything to him, actually had deep and honest feelings for this other man.  
  
If he were honest with himself, he would not have been so jealous if he had not such high regard for his rival -potential rival- to begin with. Some pretty buffoon could have been laughed off easily. He would have merely teased his love for her lapse in taste.   
  
Bialar Crais was another matter. He was formidable, implacable, a brilliant strategist, and brave enough to successfully carry off those plans he had rarely been willing to share with anyone else until it was too late.   
  
It hadn't helped that when Crichton had first found himself on this side of the galaxy, Crais had resisted gutting him only because he was intent on a more leisurely dissection of the jhumon. He had very nearly succeeded.  
  
Crichton had to admit that he didn't make Crais' life easy either and secretly didn't want to. He had seen that Crais had tried to fit in but his severity was too grating on the nerves. The man was only dedicated to his work and Talyn. And Crichton had reacted to it, but his attempts to make Crais loosen up had only aggravated the Peacekeeper, sorry, ex-Peacekeeper.  
  
And his moods had affected the others as well. Why couldn't the man just loosen up? Unlike the others on board Moya, Crais' interests had ranged from helping them repair Moya, working on modifications on Talyn and talks with Pilot on navigation, and more work.   
  
Apart from his severity, his physique caused Crichton to envy him. His tunic made him look stockier than he was. Crichton had seen him work in only his sleeveless shirt and he was able to understand why Aeryn would find Crais attractive. The man oozed strength in a catlike way. And even though Aeryn had told him that she had no feelings in that way for Crais, Crichton had not believed her.  
  
If he had, would she still have run for the priests on the planet below? Was he himself to blame for Aeryn's actions which had brought them to this predicament? He would have liked to lay the blame on Crais but knew that it would be unfair to do so.  
  
Still, Crais was not totally blameless, either, even if Crichton had overreacted.  
  
Well, maybe none of them were.  
  
Crichton rolled over again in a vain attempt to find a less uncomfortable position. As he drifted off again, he resigned himself to dealing with this whole ugly mess in what he still couldn't help thinking of as the morning. He couldn't decide whether to look forward to it, or to dread its arrival.  
  
.  
  
Crais woke up at his normally accustomed time, two arns before everyone else.  
  
For a moment he was disoriented when he saw his own sleeping form next to him. A quick look down confirmed that he was still in Aeryn's body. His own body would get the sleep of a lifetime, he smiled.  
  
He rose from the bed and had to find his balance. He walked past Crichton without waking him up. Jhumons were deaf.   
  
With quick strides (his long strides felt strange in Aeryn's body) he reached the training area.  
  
.  
  
In the meantime, Aeryn found herself waking up in a bed, but not her own. She too felt disoriented for a moment. She had dreamed the strangest dream, and it had felt so real.  
  
She looked down at "her" body. Oh, frell.  
  
Something, someone was missing. She was alone, and she should not have been. She had felt a curious comfort during the sleep cycle sharing Bialar's chamber, his bed space, with him. Now she lay here, the sole occupant of the cell.  
  
She would not have blamed him if, hours ago when they had each found their consciousness trapped in the other's body, he had reacted with violence and rage. He had not, though.  
  
He had been shocked at first, and he had not been pleased, and he obviously still harbored serious reservations about the chill... the priests of Lachmon, and their intentions. But he had stood by her, the way -if one were lucky enough- a fellow warrior, the way a friend, would.   
  
The Vah'ni Panthak regimen! She wondered how long ago Crais had awoken. His habit of sleeping fewer hours than any of the others was one small part of why he made them feel uncomfortable... psychologically, it seemed to them as though he "never" slept, even though they all rotated sleep cycles and someone was always on duty.  
  
She would have to hurry if she still intended to follow through on her plan. But first, she felt an uncomfortably "full" sensation and recognised it for what it was. She got out of bed quietly and moved to the bathroom. She sat down and found that the part that would give her relief would also sprinkle over the edge. She frowned. This was not the way to do it. She stood up and faced the bowl. How to aim? It stubbornly pointed upwards and she had to force it down facing the bowl.  
  
After a bit of deliberation, she managed to aim straight and was surprised by the power behind the stream but wondered what to do afterwards when it shrunk after release. It felt cold and she wiped it with some tissues. Men probably had a different way of doing this but it would have to suffice for now. She washed her hands.  
  
She padded back into the room quietly. A quick glance at the corridor found Crichton still asleep. She rummaged through Crais' wardrobe and found a sleeveless shirt to wear. He probably wouldn't be wearing his boots. For a moment she looked at the few clothes he had brought over from Talyn. They were all in black. She wondered whether he had them because he liked the colour black or whether he couldn't let go of his Peacekeeper past. She smiled and had to admit, most of her clothes were in black.  
  
The shirt was very tight fitting and absentmindedly she found it a shame that he covered his form with the bulky tunic he was normally wearing. Her... his hands ran over his torso. It was so well defined. She sighed and left the room quietly, stepped over Crichton's outstretched legs and made her way to the training area, hoping that Bialar was not too far along in his regimen.  
  
.  
  
The others on Moya had outfitted one of the lesser-used cargo bays with a variety of exercise equipment and weapons, which they used to keep themselves as fit and trained as possible. Sometimes they practised alone, other times they worked out in teams.   
  
Bialar Crais took this to an entirely different level. He had appropriated an empty hangar away from the usual bustle.  
  
It was his practice when on Moya to isolate himself in this quiet space and to, on a daily basis, devote himself to practising the highest form of martial discipline known to Peacekeepers.   
  
As Aeryn traversed Moya's lonely halls, she concentrated on how Bialar's body moved, felt different from her own. The center of balance was not where she expected it to be. Furthermore, the feeling of physical power was astonishing, especially since she was used to being the physically dominant one among Moya's crew, excepting of course the huge Luxan.  
  
Aeryn directed herself to that lonely hangar bay expecting to find him there, and she was not mistaken. She hid in the shadows and watched his exercise. Watched how he moved her body through movements she was not aware she was capable of doing. Yet, here he proved that she could, if only she applied her mind to it.  
  
.  
  
The Vah'ni Panthak asked for pure concentration and the use of all muscles. The practise began even slower that the regular Panthak regimen, tensing all the muscles and relaxing them completely. Hardening them until they were almost like steel. Then speeding up, faster than any exercise until the movements became almost like a blur.  
  
She saw that he had already reached the last stage. Her own body moved faster than she had ever done. She could see her own muscles rippling on her body and she wondered how much pain she would feel the next day.  
  
When he slowed down, she walked into the Hangar. Crais turned round and saw himself enter the Hangar. He noticed with amusement that Aeryn put a sway to his hips which he would find rather embarrassing to do, had he been himself.   
  
He was only a little out of breath and the smile he gave her was charming. Aeryn wished he would smile more often, it would be quite becoming on his own face.  
  
"Ready to do your exercise, Aeryn?"  
  
"You made my body move with grace, Crais. I don't think I could return the compliment to yours."  
  
He smiled, "Maybe you should let my body remember the movements." When she looked at him strangely, he continued, "Just follow my lead."  
  
Her body moved in position and he started the slow regimen again. At first she made the movements consciously, falling once when she wasn't prepared to tense Bialar's muscles so slowly. Then she understood what he meant and marvelled at the sheer strength she could now feel surge through her.  
  
She gave herself over to the exercise. Could feel the tightening of her... his muscles, revelled in the sheer power of them. Gradually her movements became like mirror movements of her own body.  
  
.  
  
Part 8  
  
.  
  
John had woken up as well. Had found the room empty and was fuming! Where were they? Then he remembered Crais' little hidey-hole on board and almost ran to the empty hangar bay. He had wanted to yell at them when he entered, until he saw the "dance". Never before had he seen such grace. Never before had he seen Aeryn move with such confident power. He had frequently taken the opportunity to watch her train, but he had never seen her move like this.  
  
He was mesmerized as he watched the intricate and potentially lethal dance. The two bodies, in some ways so different, and in others so similar, continued to mirror each other.   
  
There were not many who could perform the Vah'ni Panthak regimen. There were fewer who had so mastered it that they could perform it as one of a pair. One false move, a hesitation or a miscalculation, and the other participant risked serious injury. The binary version of the Vah'ni Panthak demanded the same physical skill and absolute attention to detail as the solo form did, but it also required a thorough awareness at all times of the other body's movements, and a trust between the two partners that was rare to find.  
  
Bialar Crais had the skill, enough that he had been able to perform the ritual correctly even in the body of another. His own body, even though currently inhabited by another, also had the physical "muscle" memory which enabled it to successfully execute this most elaborate of rites, although without Aeryn's complete attention and the application of her own considerable warrior's skills, their performance would still not have been possible.  
  
Crichton leaned back against the wall while he watched the dance unfold. Part of him was envious of Crais to have such strength and skill and, he grudgingly admitted it, grace. Another part of him was glad that Aeryn was instilled with confidence to perform the ritual with him.  
  
He could never match them.  
  
The regimen sped up. The circling of the bodies and the movements growing faster, the contacts of the blows and kicks, although light and not meant to hurt much, must have been harder than Crichton would have been able to take. Still the moves were executed with precision. He could now see that even though Aeryn was well trained, the body of Crais was missing some of the attacks, Aeryn's body moved faster. Skill was taking over.  
  
.  
  
Then suddenly Aeryn's body raised her hand and the dance slowed down and then stopped. Aeryn smiled and Crais' voice said, "You move well, Aeryn. If you will allow me, once we are back in our own bodies I will instruct you in the regimen. You have potential and your body is well trained."  
  
He looked at Aeryn's hands and arms and flexed the muscles, "It would be a pleasure to work with this body." A rueful grin spread across Aeryn's face, only to be replaced by a much more serious frown, "Aeryn, is it worth the cost to you? You have a relationship with Crichton, one that I have watched deepen daily. I have tried to treat you appropriately and with the respect you deserve.  
  
Whether because of my history with some of the others before John Crichton ever appeared in his... white death pod, or due to the feelings of... jealousy occasioned by our mutual regard for you, or perhaps simply because I have on occasion acted in consideration of my own interests as well as those of the others, I have not been accepted here on Moya as you have.   
  
No doubt I am not blameless in that regard. Even when I have put myself in peril for the causes of the others, I have not been especially forthcoming about my plans. I have preferred to act on my own as I have seen fit, trusting primarily to my own judgment, which I believe has generally been vindicated. We all have our strengths, and I fear that mine will never be acting as what I believe Crichton would call a "team player". The others do not seem capable of crediting that nevertheless I have on any number of occasions acted in support of that team."  
  
Crais was silent for a moment.  
  
"Aeryn, you belong here. I am not sure that I ever will. Do not risk more for me than you are prepared to lose. I offer you my friendship, again, since we both know that is all you are prepared to accept from me.   
  
Because of the background we share, we understand each other in a way that perhaps the others never will or never can. That understanding might be misconstrued by others. I do not want to jeopardize your position here on board. All I ask is for your friendship, which is very dear to me." Aeryn's eyes looked at her, at his own face.  
  
Aeryn saw the loneliness reflected in her own eyes. Crais was right, the others had never accepted him and maybe never would. She knew, they knew, he had saved their eemas countless times, sometimes at his and Talyn's own peril. Yet, they had almost seen it as a right, never really acknowledging his participation. Herself included.  
  
He never asked for their acceptance nor for their friendship. He was too proud to do that and they had never given it to him. She felt ashamed and at the same time glad that he had changed enough to offer it.  
  
She looked up again and a smile crossed on Bialar's features, "I would be honoured to be called your friend, Bialar Crais."  
  
Was it gratitude she saw flit past her own features? A sudden urge to embrace this man welled up in her and she stepped forwards, arms wide open.As the body of Bialar Crais moved toward that of Aeryn's, they heard a noise from just down the corridor.   
  
They turned to see John Crichton in the process of standing up. It was immediately obvious to both Sebaceans that he must have been seated outside the hangar bay for some time, watching them.  
  
Had they not been so focused on the Vah'ni Panthak regimen, it would never have taken them so long to become aware of his presence. The look on his face...  
  
As they both stared at him, he finished getting to his feet. He turned, and started to walk back down the corridor, retracing his steps. He had seen and heard enough. Peacekeepers! He spat the word.  
  
Aeryn's head hung down and took a deep breath, "Go after him, Aeryn. He will have misunderstood. I don't want you to lose him to a misunderstanding." Crais picked up the towel and turned away from Aeryn.  
  
Aeryn was upset with Crichton and when she saw her own face grow sad again, she had had enough. She stepped closer to her own body and when Crais stood straight again, towel in hand, she flung Crais' big arms around him, giving him the hug she had intended earlier, "I mean that, Crais. I want to be your friend."  
  
Crais was taken aback by the display of friendship and tentatively returned the hug. "Thank you, Aeryn," he replied softly, "Now go and make up with Crichton." He reluctantly let her go.  
  
.  
  
He watched his body leave the area and turned for the refresher. Aeryn's friendship meant a lot to him and he didn't want to lose that and certainly not over a misunderstanding between her and Crichton.  
  
He stepped in the refresher and let the water cascade over him. It felt different. Of course it would. For starters the hair was not as thick as he was used to. He lathered the body, well aware that his hands moved over lines and curves, which were alien to him. He washed quickly. He didn't want to linger on... No, that wasn't completely true. He would like to linger but his sense of honour would not let him. He closed his eyes and tried to block everything from his mind. 


	3. 24 Arns, part 0912

Part 9  
  
In the meantime Aeryn had followed Crichton. The quicker strides easily overtook Crichton's. Aeryn grabbed him by the arm and turned him around, surprised as she did so how easily she overpowered him. Even in her own body, her strength more than matched his. In this powerfully built male Sebacean body, the body of a trained warrior, and upset as she was by all that was happening, she might as well have been manhandling a child.  
  
Taken a bit aback by this, Aeryn let go of him. "John, John Crichton, wait..."  
  
Crichton turned to Crais, no, Aeryn. He had been surprised as well by her strength or rather that of Bialar's and in that instance realised that Crais had never used his full strength on him. The ritual he had seen them perform had proven that to him and this simple gesture confirmed it, "What is it? Shouldn't you be with Crais? He can understand you better than I can. He can teach you better than I can. He is more your match than I am. He..."  
  
"Crichton, shut up!" Aeryn's scowl appeared on Crais' face. "Yes, you are right. In many respects he is better than you are, stronger, faster but it is you I have chosen. Can't you get that in that thick skull of yours?"  
  
She moved closer, for a moment forgetting that she was in Crais' body. She brought her hand tenderly up to his face, her eyes softened and Crichton recoiled in horror. She... he... wasn't going to kiss him was he? He didn't much care to feel Crais' beard on his lips, "Aeryn, you are not yourself." He inched away from her... him.  
  
Aeryn stopped her movements, realising what Crichton was seeing, "I am sorry John. I... I forgot what this... I must look like to you. It seems that the longer I inhabit this body, the more comfortable I am in it.  
  
But I am still Aeryn... the part of me that is "me" is here, facing you... John, we have to talk... we have to discuss this. There is still almost a day to go. We can't avoid the issue."  
  
"As long as He doesn't get too comfortable in your body," growled Crichton.  
  
At that moment Crais came around the corner, looking refreshed after the shower he had. It was obvious that he carried Aeryn's body with the same confidence as if it was his own. There was a spring to Aeryn's step. The shoulders were even more thrown back. The strides were a little longer than they should be, "Aeryn" had a smile on her face.  
  
"Crichton," Crais greeted with a deep rumble of pleasure and walked past the couple towards their room to get clean clothes.  
  
Crichton scowled at "her" retreating form.  
  
Aeryn tried to get his attention back but the damage had been done.  
  
"See, Aeryn, it never fails... he never fails to slip that knife in and give it a twist..."  
  
"John, what are you talking about? Be reasonable! Crais has done nothing to you. If anyone is to blame here, it would be me. I was the one who found that priest, who confided in him and trusted in him. I am responsible for this turn of events."  
  
Crichton found himself staring into the face, looking at the form, of Bialar Crais. Concentrating all of his attention on those eyes, which held another soul, he said, "I'm sorry, Aeryn, I just can't handle this now." He turned away once more and proceeded to walk, and then nearly run, down the corridor.   
  
.  
  
Aeryn looked forlornly at the floor. This was going to be difficult,and not only for Crichton. That stubborn drannit of a Human!  
  
Crais had just walked into Aeryn's and John's room when he heard the pounding feet of Crichton in the corridor. He sighed. He had a fair idea what had happened. He stepped out into the corridor, nearly walking straight into the Jhumon.   
  
Crichton tried to sidestep Aeryn... Crais but Crais had something else in mind. He took hold of Crichton's arm, pulled him across and nearly slammed him into the wall.  
  
Aeryn's angry face was only inches away from Crichton's. Crais said with a deep growl, "Why don't you want to listen to reason, Crichton? This situation will last for just a little while. Both Aeryn and myself are respecting each other's bodies and will take no advantage of it. We even respect... other's feelings, even though that is not as easy as it seems, judging by your behaviour. Your actions are not making it easier for us to ignore the bodies we are in. It is you who keeps reminding us. It is you who keeps us being aware. Your misplaced fears, your doubts, your own insecurity and jealousy.   
  
If you have no faith in me, (here an enigmatic, rather grim smile appeared on Aeryn's visage), why do you have so little faith in Aeryn?   
  
You claim that she is what you call "the one", that there is no other ever for you. If you care for her even half as much as you claim to, how can you have so little faith in her?"   
  
Crichton drew back from Aeryn... Crais but was stopped by Moya's bulkhead, "Crais, I do love her but..."  
  
Crais stepped closer, Aeryn's face was close enough that Crichton could feel her warm breath on his face yet Crais' voice broke through, "There are no 'but's', Crichton, you either love her and trust her unconditionally or you don't. She loves you unconditionally, she would die for you. I bet she doesn't even say anything when she sees your eyes straying to some of the female crewmembers."   
  
Crichton paled.   
  
"Aeryn"grinned, "Maybe she doesn't see it but I do. Underneath this flesh, underneath the uniform I am still a male and I can recognise the appreciation of a male for a female like any other male. I can also see how she loves you. Don't you dare to do less for her."  
  
Aeryn stepped back and gave Crichton some breathing space, "You can handle this like a man who loves his woman or like a spoilt, jealous boy. Your choice. Talk to her."  
  
Aeryn turned on her heel and returned to the chamber only long enough to pick up a change of clothing. "She" then proceeded down the corridor, garments in hand.  
  
.  
  
Crichton's head was spinning from the images running through his head of times that he knew he must have been obvious in his appreciation of female forms of various species. He had never known Aeryn to "miss" anything. Her keen powers of observation had been one of the gifts that had kept them all alive this long.  
  
At that moment, the form of Bialar Crais entered the chamber.  
  
"Aeryn"...  
  
"Crais" turned to him. "Yes, John?"   
  
"I... uhm... I am sorry to have behaved like such a fool. I know this can't be easy for you... or Crais. I'll try and not be... jealous."  
  
Crais cocked his head, "John, did you come to this conclusion yourself or did Crais have a... word with you?" There was a small smile on his face.  
  
Crichton looked ashamed, "It was Crais who talked me in seeing sense, I must admit. I... I know you two have tried not to... you know... ("Crais" looked amused) think that much about your... new bodies."  
  
Crais looked at him teasingly and run his hands over his tight abdomen, "Oh, I don't know, this is quite a comfortable body, maybe I should keep it a bit longer." She noticed the pained expression on Crichton's face and she continued, "It would also mean that Bialar would inhabit my body for a longer period though. I have already imposed upon him, and do not know that he would appreciate the continued separation from that which is rightfully his."  
  
"Crais'" eyes met his; the look was frank and full of challenge, but the corner of his mouth quirked a bit in the beginning of a smile and he stepped closer to Crichton, "Unless of course you might try and find that a deeper understanding between us is another option? I could always ask Crais if he would mind." The smile around the mouth curved mischievously.  
  
Crichton made mewling sounds, "No... I think I've had enough insight as it is."  
  
"Good. I will refresh myself and change into some fresh clothes first before we all have breakfast." They walked to Crais' quarters.  
  
.  
  
Part 10  
  
.  
  
Crais was putting the finishing touches on Aeryn's attire and was wondering how to close the leather vest and keep everything in at the same time. It hadn't felt comfortable if he started on the top fastener, too restricted. It pushed everything up when he started lower and then the top wouldn't close. He was contemplating getting a sleeveless shirt out of his own cupboard when Aeryn and Crichton walked in. He whirled around, still in a state of partial undress.   
  
Aeryn saw the confused look on her own face and guessed what the problem was. She smiled and walked over to Crais, "Here, let me help you with that."  
  
"Crais'" face slowly blossomed into a huge grin although she was trying desperately hard not to show her mirth. She gave up, and began to laugh.  
  
"There's a trick to everything, and it seems that this day will be quite the learning experience for both of us. Let me show you how that's done... You see, you start fastening", as she reached over to help him, "and then you push them up a bit..."  
  
Crichton had to make an effort not to run from the sight in front of him. It would stay with him for the rest of his life. Crais trying to get Aeryn dressed! Aeryn moving in funny positions to get everything suited up and Crais laughing, while he busied himself with Aeryn's fasteners.  
  
Crais tried to follow Aeryn's instructions, "Does getting dressed always feel this pleasant?"   
  
"Crais" blushed, "Well, not always. I never really think about it."  
  
Aeryn's head nodded, "I understand." He scratched her chin expecting to find the stubble there and dropped the hand when he encountered smooth skin.  
  
Aeryn had seen the movement, "You might give me a hand as well." She brought Crais' hand up and felt the stubble, "I don't think you want to put me on a learning curve to shave you, would you?"  
  
There was shock in "Aeryn's" eyes, "I will shave you."  
  
Crais sat in front of Aeryn while "she" took out a sharp razor like blade. "Sit still," Crais' deep voice said to Aeryn.   
  
After lathering the cheeks and the neck, "Aeryn" set about shaving "Crais" deftly and neatly, "Push your tongue between the inside of your under lip and your bottom teeth... that's right... and make it push out." With two swift flicks of the wrist the two blank spaces in the goatee were done.  
  
Aeryn felt Crais' cheeks, they felt cool and smooth. She grinned, "That was quite pleasant."  
  
"Aeryn" smiled back, "At least we had two good experiences today to start off the day."  
  
The both turned to Crichton who had very uncharacteristically said not a word since he and "Crais" had entered the chamber.   
  
He had found reason to be jealous, all right, but not because of anything improper he had witnessed over the last 10 arns. He had found that he was jealous of the camaraderie between these two ex-Peacekeepers, the backgrounds shared, the things they had both experienced in their military careers, the things they shared as fellow Sebaceans.  
  
It didn't matter if they had slept together as innocently as two puppies, or a knight and his maiden separated by the width of a sword in an erp-ly medieval tale. It didn't matter. They shared things that he never could, and it was unworthy of him, but it was the most understandable thing in the world.  
  
They both turned to Crichton. He was gone...  
  
Aeryn turned to Crais, "Wasn't Crichton just here?"  
  
"Yes, he was," replied "Aeryn", "What was it you said to him?"  
  
"Aeryn" looked briefly away, "Just man to man talk. He understood."  
  
"Maybe not as well as I had hoped," Aeryn said softly, longing for John's touch.  
  
Aeryn placed a hand on "Crais'" shoulder, "I know, Aeryn. These last arns have not been easy on any of us, especially not on Crichton. You two will have to talk once this is over and I know it will not be an easy talk."  
  
"You are right, Crais," she was grateful that he understood, "Shall we join the others in the galley and have something to eat?"  
  
"Aeryn's" head nodded and they moved to the galley...  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile, Crichton had rushed into the chamber he normally shared with Aeryn, and thrown himself down onto the bed.  
  
Thinking about everything he had witnessed, everything he had felt over the last 10 arns, he began to feel more and more foolish and unworthy. Frell, he hadn't acted this childishly since his teenage years, had he?  
  
What had Crais said to him, that he could either react to all this like a man or like a puling child? Well, he hadn't said "puling", but he might as well have. Reviewing how he had been acting, he was coming to as harsh an assessment as Crais, if not more so.  
  
It was because of Crichton that Officer Aeryn Sun had lost her life with the Peacekeepers. She had left everything she knew. Was it so unreasonable for her to welcome the one last connection still available to her to that lost existence?  
  
Did he begrudge the woman he loved, the "one", the small comforts she could wrest from her friendship with her former Captain?  
  
Crichton admitted to himself that he didn't really think Crais would hurt her, and he didn't really think that Aeryn would walk away from him or betray him with Crais.   
  
Why when it came to Bialar Crais did he suddenly find it so hard to act in a manner which was deserving of Aeryn's good regard?  
  
Well, it was time for him to straighten up and fly right.   
  
Crichton got up and prepared to show his face in the galley. Aeryn and Crais were probably there by now. The rest of the crew might be, too. It was time for breakfast, and maybe for some bitter medicine.   
  
.  
  
When he walked into the galley they were already seated at the table, D'Argo turned around and smiled, "There you are! You're lucky, 10 microns later and Rygel would have finished it all." He turned back to the others.  
  
Crichton sat opposite Crais and Aeryn. They seemed to be sharing a joke between them, speaking in low voices. Aeryn's face was displaying the cool calm exterior that Crais always showed and which drove Crichton to irritation, while Crais' face displayed a radiant smile and was very animated under Aeryn's influence.  
  
Crichton tried to ignore it. Chiana spoiled it, "Has "Crais" already tried to return the kiss you gave him, John?" Crichton blushed.  
  
Crais' face turned to Crais, then to Crichton, and Aeryn's voice asked, "What kiss is she talking about John?" A small smile appeared on Aeryn's face.  
  
"It was cycles ago," stammered Crichton.  
  
Aeryn wouldn't let go, she too put a small smile on Crais' face, "Still a kiss is a kiss. Care to tell me about it? Or shall I follow Chiana's advice and kiss you now?"   
  
Crichton was beginning to feel as though he'd just fallen down a rabbit hole. There was a kiss, and then there was ...a kiss.  
  
He had a pretty good idea that the kind of kiss Crais... er... Aeryn had in mind was a "kiss". NOT like the kiss he'd landed on Crais years ago, back in the bad old days when Captain Bialar Crais had newly resigned his Peacekeeper commission.  
  
A picture of this kiss flashed before his mind's eye, horrifying him. The face of his once mortal enemy and still archrival in many ways -the beard, that always neat, satanic looking goatee-those deep, dark eyes, always filled with intelligence, sometimes with sardonic humour, other times with menace. That raven hair, always either too severely pulled back or wildly loose, as it's owner's temper tended to be. The touch of those lips, the feel of those strong arms surrounding him.  
  
John Crichton had suffered nightmares more than once about this man even after the Sebacean had ostensibly stopped chasing him across this arm of the galaxy. He wasn't the only one who had been terrorized by him. The image of an ogre-Crais came brilliantly to life for a moment.   
  
That the eyes were those of Aeryn -at least in spirit- did not salvage the situation. Somehow, they made it worse. A play kiss, a sarcastic gesture, was one thing. But there was no right way to react to this threatened... thing.  
  
Crichton turned in horror to "Aeryn". The array of expressions on her... his face was very interesting. Humour... a quick hint of satisfaction and victory... a slight embarrassment... a pained look... a look of... sympathy and empathy?  
  
"But Aeryn, it wasn't like that. Hey, Crais, tell her..." The two men held each other's gaze for a moment.   
  
Crais contemplated his next move. It would be so easy to "shoot" down the Human, just as easy as taking away a child's toy. Crais looked at Crichton, he could see the plea in his eyes to help him out, to confirm that it had been nothing.  
  
For a moment Crais was tempted to say that he didn't know what Erp's customs were on the concept of recreation. When Crichton "kissed" him, Crais had felt humiliated, disgusted to be touched by an inferior species, especially in that manner. He had not been able to defend himself at the time, as the Human was defenceless now. It would have been so easy.  
  
But Crais also knew he had changed, even if the others were not willing to see it, especially Crichton. Would he prove them right and denounce Crichton's innocence? Make him the centre of humiliation and glee? Would his act of kindness be thrown back into his face at a later date if he decided to help the Human out?  
  
"Aeryn" looked up into the pleading eyes of Crichton, eyes which told him "please, don't do this to me, man". He turned to Aeryn, "Crichton and I have no more responsibility to explain every moment of our lives, every action we see fit to take, than do you and I, Aeryn.  
  
Nonetheless, no, it was not that kind of kiss. Chiana can confirm that if she wishes to, although she seems intent on causing trouble at the moment, not preventing it.  
  
I myself would rather not cause more provocation. This situation has provided us all with challenges, and the day is hardly over."  
  
After a brief pause, he said, "Let it be, Aeryn. We will all need to defer to our best judgment and impulses today."  
  
His eyes met Crichton's again, and they held each other's gaze for a microt or so. In those blue eyes, he saw a fervent "thank you" expressed.  
  
Maybe, that sense of gratitude would turn out to be fleeting. Well, they would see soon enough.  
  
Crichton had been surprised by Crais' reaction. He had expected him to smirk, to gloat, to milk it for all it was worth. He had not expected him to let it go and to deflect it from escalating.  
  
There was a hint of regret on Chiana's face. It could have been so much fun. She had seen Crichton squirm but when she looked at the calm face of Aeryn, she could only smile, "Crais is right, it wasn't that sort of a kiss. Don't think there was any love between them."  
  
"I certainly hope not," muttered Crais under his breath.  
  
Crais' face lit up in a smile, "Since that is cleared up, what are we going to do with our day?"  
  
"I still have some maintenance to take care of and..." Crais started.  
  
"Are you obsessed with work Crais," Crichton spoke up, "You have been body switching or mind switching or whatever they call it. And all you can do is think about work?"  
  
"What do you want me to do, Crichton? Explore how Aeryn's body works?" There was a smile on Aeryn's face.   
  
Crichton blushed. He felt like a colt who had been let out of his stall, ready to race his stable mates around a very large field on the most beautiful sunny spring day, only to find his rider in the saddle, pulling on the reins.  
  
He could tell that both Aeryn and Crais were amused by the situation he had put himself in. For that matter, everyone in the galley, meaning everyone on Moya, seemed to find this hilariously funny. Except for himself.  
  
On the other hand, he was still aware that he had just been saved from a very awkward scene by Crais. Why could Crais never do what Crichton considered "the right thing" without immediately spending all the good credit that he had earned by turning around and doing something else that Crichton found obnoxious, if not downright wrong?  
  
Still, he had no good answer for Crais. If he didn't expect the Sebacean to busy himself with routine chores, what did he propose that Crais do?   
  
Aeryn's voice interrupted the suddenly awkward silence.   
  
"Crais, I think there is something that we should both attend to before we consider anything else. You have been incommunicado with Talyn for nearly half a solar day now. We know that you often remove your transponder before the rest cycle, but is it not time for you to contact him? How are we going to explain this to him?"   
  
Crais looked at himself and said, "Thank you for reminding me, Aeryn. I would like to contact him but since you are wearing my transponder, it might be best if I talked to him over the ship's comms first before we confuse Talyn. It will be difficult at best."  
  
Aeryn agreed and they went to Pilot's Den to accomplish this task.  
  
.  
  
Part 11  
  
.  
  
Crais found it better to leave the visuals off and to explain it to Talyn by voice only, "Talyn, we have encountered a slight problem."  
  
Talyn was obviously confused and his chirping made that very clear.  
  
Crais had been so used to Talyn's moods and questions that the others were not surprised that he answered Talyn as if the youngster had just asked him a question, "Talyn, the reason I am not conversing to you through the transponder is because at the moment I am unable to. (Talyn chirped worriedly) No, there is nothing to be worried about, I am not ill and the transponder is working. It is just..." Crais looked for the right words.  
  
He resumed, "When Aeryn went down to the planet, we... exchanged places (again Talyn chirped). No, not in that sense. Somehow our minds and voices exchanged bodies. Aeryn is in my body... temporarily (he looked at Aeryn and hoped he was right) and since she is in my body, she wears the transponder. I did not want to alarm you by letting her speak to you first. I didn't want to confuse you. You do understand?" Talyn chirped once.  
  
"She will speak to you now," Aeryn's face smiled. He looked at Aeryn and motioned where he kept his transponder in one of his inside pockets.  
  
Luckily she had put his tunic on at the last micron or they would have had to go back to his quarters on Moya. He had found it difficult to see himself wearing the tunic open but that was how Aeryn had liked to wear it.  
  
Aeryn reached for the transponder and pulled it out. As she held it in her hand (she had rarely had the opportunity to examine it closely), Crais laid "his" hand on "her" forearm. He pressed down gently, signalling her to sit down before she attempted to insert the device.  
  
"Aeryn, you once briefly used a more modest version of this instrument. You must be careful, especially at first. This transponder is much more powerful. While my physical body is used to it, your senses must not be overloaded by the data input.  
  
You must progress slowly, and in steps. I will be at your side. Are you ready?"  
  
Aeryn smiled and nodded just a bit uncertainly to him.  
  
Crais covered the larger male hand with his smaller female one, and guided the hand holding the transponder around to the base of his neck where it joined with his spine.  
  
Aeryn inserted the transponder into its cradle. She gasped. Crais was right, this new transponder was much more powerful than the one she had used briefly.  
  
Her mind rushed through the corridors and pathways of Talyn, could feel his happiness of seeing her again ~Hello Aeryn. It is good to see you back~ His thoughts rushed past her.  
  
She came to an abrupt stop and felt nauseous when she felt as if her stomach was pressed against her spine, "It's good to be back, Talyn." She tried to regain her balance of mind.  
  
~Don't rush it~ said Talyn ~Crais is used to it, you are not~ She could feel how Talyn guided her mind calmly, could sense how Crais steadied her with her own hands. She was surprised that both males could be so gentle.  
  
She finally settled down. She could hear both their voices almost in unison, "That's it. Easy. Don't make any sudden thoughts or moves."  
  
She looked around, she was in Command. The senses and the sights were so much sharper than the first time she had the transponder. While looking around she could also sense, feel and see space. Felt Talyn's lifeblood flowing through him. The sensations were overwhelming and she reeled forward. Could feel how her own body embraced Crais'. Felt comforted by it.  
  
Outside the link, Crais steadied Aeryn when he saw his own body sag forward. He knew what she was experiencing. He held her close, his presence a reassurance. He knew she could feel that too. And his eyes closed briefly. He had been with Talyn for so long that being cut off from the youngster only strengthened the longing to be linked.  
  
Crichton resisted the urge to step forward to pull Aeryn... Crais away from Crais' body, knowing that Crais only wanted to help Aeryn. But to see the bodies almost in a lover's embrace with their eyes closed, it was difficult not to.  
  
Aeryn opened her eyes again in the link, "Crais has already explained some of what has happened. It is my fault you are not with Crais at the moment."  
  
Talyn said he understood. Aeryn resisted the urge to stand up and pace, "I had only wanted to be as strong as he is. I had no idea that our consciousness... our souls... would actually switch into each other's physical bodies. It never occurred to me that you would also be affected by my actions. I am sorry, Talyn..."  
  
Aeryn's mind felt a rush of reassurance from the young Leviathan.  
  
~It's all right, Aeryn, He is strong, isn't he? But he isn't perfect. He's done some bad things... but not to me, not since he joined with me. He's taken care of me. He tries to teach me.  
  
I... I haven't always done the right thing. Those were the times that I was too afraid or upset to listen to him.  
  
I can understand that you would want to find strength in him, learn it from him. I want to also, but sometimes it's so hard.   
  
Moya tries to help me, but she doesn't understand. Crais understands~  
  
Aeryn experienced an overwhelming feeling of affection and trust flooding her from the little ship.  
  
Being used to vocalising whenever she communicated, she continued to speak out loud even though she could have conversed with Talyn in absolute silence.  
  
"Talyn, we all make mistakes. You, Crais, me, all of us. Sometimes we can make amends, but all too often that is not an option. Sometimes the best we can do is move on, and vow not to make the same mistake again.  
  
We don't blame you for anything you've done in the past. We've all made enough mistakes of our own. Sometimes you just have to learn to live with them. What you and Crais did in the Command Carrier was brave, and selfless and as close as anyone can come to atonement for any misdeeds you've committed ."  
  
Aeryn sat there quietly for a moment, basking in the physical and mental comfort and reassurance she was receiving from both Crais and Talyn. She felt totally enfolded in a feeling of acceptance and affection...of love.  
  
Aeryn heard a question in her mind.  
  
~Why do you think you need more strength, Aeryn? You always seemed to be so strong, too. You helped me understand what the feelings I had were. You explained to me what love was. Remember when the other John Crichton was with you, when I was hurt and we were hiding and then the Budong tried to eat us?  
  
That was one of the bad things I did. But you stopped me in time. You showed me what feelings for someone else were, and that they were right. You let me see inside of you. You're wonderful, Aeryn. Is it still the same now? You didn't want to be with Crais and me. But not because you didn't care about Crais and me. You showed me how much it meant to you to be with the Jhumon... the human, right?~  
  
"That's right, Talyn. I do care about you and Crais, just not the same way I care about Crichton. This Crichton. They are two different men, but they are still also both John Crichton..."  
  
Crichton stood looking at Crais and Aeryn in stony silence. Aeryn's body was precariously balanced on the armrest and she had her strong arms wrapped protectively around the seated body of Crais. Her eyes were closed too. Yet there was nothing in the gesture that spoke of anything else than protection.  
  
From the one sided conversation the others were hearing it was obvious that Talyn did most of the talking. Crichton felt uncomfortable with the way she discussed him and the other John to Talyn. She cared for him. Did that also mean that she loved him? She did not say so explicitly.  
  
Crais held his own body from swaying and falling forward. He could feel it in the way the muscles in his body went limp at times. The new transponder was putting a great deal of strain on Aeryn and he wondered if he should discontinue the conversation. But if anything was obvious, it was that the conversation meant an awful lot to both of them.  
  
Aeryn continued, "Yes, Talyn, there are different kinds of "love". I love both you and Crais. But I love you both as friends, as comrades.  
  
I love Crichton. He is a friend and a comrade too. But he is "more" than that. He told me once that I was "the one". Do you remember when we were hiding out with you? The other John Crichton said I was his "Guiding Star".   
  
Well, that is what John Crichton is to me. Both John Crichtons. They are fundamentally the same man. It took me a long time to face the fact that I had lost John Crichton once. It took me even longer to realize that I hadn't. Once, I could not believe that fate had been so cruel to me. Now I realize that fate has never been kinder."  
  
Crichton was moved by her words. If he had ever had any doubt about her feelings for him, they now vanished as snow in the sun. He wondered how Crais was taking her words. Crichton had always believed that the Captain had certain feelings for her that went beyond camaraderie but there was nothing in "Aeryn's" expression that told him what the other man was thinking.  
  
~I understand, Aeryn. The love you share with Crichton is different than the love you feel for Crais and me. I do see that now. As is the love Crais and I feel for each other and our love for you~  
  
"You love me too?" Aeryn wanted to know how Crais and Talyn saw her.  
  
~Why yes, Aeryn. Of course we do, did you doubt us? We love you like a Sister. Not of our blood but closer than a friend. We would never want to see you harmed or hurt~  
  
Aeryn smiled, "Thank you, Talyn. That means a lot to me."  
  
Talyn was happy ~Can you see us as Brothers?~  
  
"You and Crais will always be that," Aeryn said softly.  
  
The pleasure that rippled through Talyn was strongly felt by Aeryn and Crais' body swayed more strongly ~Sorry, Aeryn. I wasn't thinking. You are strong but in a different way than Crais is. I hope you two will be able to learn from each other's strength. You have to rest now. Tell Crais I will be happy to see him back and I do understand~  
  
.  
  
"Crais" opened his eyes and Aeryn's blue eyes looked in Crais' brown eyes. There was a smile on Crais' face, "Thank you, Crais. Talyn understands, my Brother. He will be glad to see you back." She took the transponder out and handed it back to Crais.  
  
Crais' dark eyes had softened too, "You will always be my Sister."  
  
Crichton was getting confused, "What's this? A family gathering? I didn't know you two were related."  
  
Aeryn and Crais both looked at him, Crais stood up and Aeryn was able to stand up now as well, they both looked at each other and smiled.  
  
Crais' body walked up to Crichton, there was a distinct sway to the movements. "Crais'" hand rested on Crichton's cheek tenderly and she had to resist the urge to kiss him, "You are right John, you will not understand."  
  
.  
  
Part 12  
  
.  
  
Crichton heard Aeryn's words. Not "You do not understand", and not "You cannot understand". "You will not understand."   
  
That one word reverberated through him. Was the problem that he would not understand? That he had the ability to understand, but was purposely choosing not to?  
  
That did not fit in with his self-image. He thought of himself, as most individuals naturally do, as being "in the right". The things he did were understandable and reasonable and justifiable.  
  
He looked again at the person standing in front of him, the woman he swore he loved more than anything, the woman he had called "the one". She was in the body of his once sworn enemy, but the being in there, the soul, was that of Aeryn Sun. Was the way he was acting fair to her or anyone else?  
  
Beyond her, mere feet away, was the body of Aeryn Sun, inhabited by the spirit of Bialar Crais. He was sure that the other male had more than just "brotherly" feelings towards her. But was he justified in blaming the other Sebacean for that? Didn't he wonder sometimes how anyone could not feel for Aeryn as he did? Didn't he think, "Poor fools! How could they not realize how wonderful she was? Didn't they know what they were missing?"  
  
Shouldn't he judge Crais by how he acted toward Aeryn and the others, rather than be filled with jealousy that Crais also recognized her worth?  
  
Shouldn't he trust Aeryn Sun, who had time and again shown that it was John Crichton she had chosen, and would continue to choose?  
  
Crichton did not back away from "Crais", but he did not return her caress, either. He suddenly felt very tired.  
  
Aeryn lingered for a moment longer, a small smile on her face, and then walked away. The others, who had been hoping for revelations, which had not been forthcoming, had drifted off too.  
  
When Crichton looked up he was aware that he was left alone with Aeryn... Crais and that the other was looking at him calmly. It had always annoyed him how Crais could look so calm, well, most times anyway, and to see it reflected on Aeryn's features was slightly disconcerting. Aeryn was now staring at him as prey.  
  
Crichton fidgeted. He wanted to run away from Crais, out of the room, try and sort his thoughts out but he also didn't want to back down. The silence grew thick.  
  
It was Crais' voice that broke it, "Please, sit down, Crichton."   
  
"Why should I?" He could run now.  
  
Crais smiled, his voice grew softer, "There is something I want to explain to you. It might benefit your... relationship with Aeryn."  
  
This piqued Crichton's curiosity and he sat down, almost three chairs away from Crais. Crais didn't shrug his shoulders but Crichton recognised it in Crais' eyes.  
  
"Crichton," Crais said calmly, "I have the distinct impression... No, I know that you think that I have certain... feelings for Aeryn. I will admit that maybe that was so, a long time ago. These feelings have changed. She is like a Sister to me... and Talyn."  
  
Crichton raised his eyebrow. Part of him wanted to believe what Crais was about to tell him, part of him didn't want to. The part of him that didn't want to was afraid that he might understand Crais, that he would have to rethink what he normally thought of him, "Yeah, they have words for that on Jerry Springer."  
  
"Who's he," Crais asked in genuine confusion. When Crichton did not impart the information, he continued, "In Sebacean culture we know two forms of relations. In the physical form, brothers and sisters are born from at least one shared parent. In the metaphysical form, they don't have to be blood related. Brothers and Sisters can accept each other as if they were born from the same parents, and sometimes those ties are stronger."  
  
Crais could see that this was confusing Crichton further, "Crichton, Aeryn is like that Sister to Talyn and I. Not of our blood but closer than a blood tie could be. She has our protection and our... love, for want of a better word. She is as precious to me as my brother Tauvo once was.  
  
I would do anything to protect her, to secure her welfare and happiness.  
  
Whether or not I would have made the same choice if I were her (that grin which always disconcerted Crichton so appeared for a moment again), the fact remains that she has made her choice. She chose you. I will support her in her decision.   
  
If you are so foolish as to drive her away and she ever changes her mind, I will support her in that too. So will Talyn.  
  
I strongly advise you to give this careful consideration. Then go to her and reconcile yourselves."  
  
Aeryn's body turned to leave the den, "her" strides longer and quicker than usual.  
  
"Crichton, whatever you do," Crais remarked before he left the galley and without turning, "I advise you not to make her unhappy." 


	4. 24 Arns, part 1315

Part 13  
  
Damn the man, whatever he said he always had to make it sound like a veiled threat. Crichton stewed for a little longer after Crais had left in the galley.  
  
He had to give it to him though, he had to reconcile with Aeryn, one way or another, and even if he didn't want to stare at Crais' face while he spoke to her, it would be better done now.  
  
Crichton stood up from the table and asked Pilot, "Pilot, where is Aeryn?"  
  
"The Observation Deck, Commander."  
  
"Thank you, Pilot."   
  
When Crichton entered the Observation Deck, Crais was looking out at the stars. Not in Crais' usual mode, hands clasped behind his back, but the way Aeryn looked at the stars, almost as if she saw them for the first time. Crichton smiled.  
  
He stepped up to her, and noticed that the tunic was still left open. It was Aeryn, all right.   
  
"Isn't it beautiful, John," her melodious voice said softly without her turning to him.  
  
"Yes, Aeryn," he said softly, his eyes closed, "Almost as beautiful as you are." He could picture her smiling at that remark.  
  
She continued softly, "It will only be another few arns, John. I had not wanted this to happen, not like this anyway. It feels lonely without you but I can understand myself and Crais better now. Talyn was very helpful in showing me that, Crais was very helpful too..."  
  
Crichton hung his head. "And he wasn't." He longed to take her into his arms but he wasn't going to embrace Crais, no way. He moved closer, put his hand on the point of her shoulder, and applied a gentle pressure, turning her around. They stared into each other's eyes, and John focused on the spirit he saw therein.  
  
"Aeryn, I'm sorry. I've been acting like such an idiot. I know how lucky I am to have you. I know that I should be able to trust you... I do trust you. I don't trust *him*. And I think I envy him, the things he's shared with you, the time he had with you when I wasn't there, and I could only imagine what might be happening.   
  
Crais always knows how to push my buttons. I don't know why I let him. But I don't want to lose you.  
  
I can't promise you that tomorrow I'll never do a stupid thing again. Hell, I can pretty much guarantee that I will. But as long as you're at my side, as long as you're still my guiding star..." His voice trailed off.  
  
Aeryn brought her hand up and placed it Crichton's cheek. Too late she realised that it was Crais' hand that was touching Crichton's cheek and she drew back, "Sorry, I forgot. John, I know you are going to make mistakes and more than just a few. I have come to expect them." She smiled at him.  
  
Crichton resisted the urge to look away from Crais... her.  
  
She continued, "You will not lose me, John. Why would I leave you? I love you. I want to be with you. I want you by my side too, don't you realise that?"  
  
She looked out at the stars, "That's why I did what I thought was right. I envy Crais too, but for different reasons. He always seems so strong, so confident. Always knows what to do, right or wrong. I wanted to be stronger and more confident for you. I had thought it would be no more than a simple mind experience, not a full mental transfer."   
  
She looked back at him, "I want this to end soon too. I think that I know now what drives Crais, some part is still residual in this mind. I know his strengths and his weaknesses. It might take me a while to adapt to it. To become as strong as I set out to be."   
  
She turned away from him again and Crichton detected a softening in Crais' features. The stern face looked dreamier, "I also know that what I did was wrong. It was unfair to take by force, for there is no other word for it, the thoughts of another. I hope Crais... and you can forgive me for it."  
  
She turned to him and the face grew sad, "You say you envy Crais, but it should be he that envies you. His life is very lonely. Sometimes I believed or wanted to believe that he chooses it to be that way. That is not so. You have friends, you have me; we have each other and every one else aboard Moya. Since childhood, Crais had only his brother Tauvo. You never meant to harm Tauvo, much less kill him. Even so, you deprived Crais of all he had in his life. In the kind of way that we all have each other, Crais has no one. No rational, sentient creature should be condemned to live like that regardless of how solitary a nature it has.  
  
Talyn is the most amazing creature. I love him as a friend and brother; I almost love him as though he were my child. But "having" Talyn is not like having a relationship with another of your species, or even a similar species. Every physical entity wants and needs contact, at least sometimes.   
  
I don't know how Crais has been able to go on all this time. In a way, being in his body has brought that home to me, the way you've avoided contact with this flesh, as though it were something poisonous or contagious.   
  
All the nights that you and I have shared with each other, he has spent alone."  
  
Crichton felt ashamed and looked at the floor. Aeryn had been right. It was true, Crais had harmed them one way or another in the past for various reasons and although he was one of them now, in a twisted sort of a way, they had always treated him with distrust and avoidance, punishing him for what he or the Peacekeepers had done to them.  
  
Crichton knew that he was one of the worst offenders, always making fun of him, throwing his distrust in his face, even in the past day. Crais had only shown respect and understanding for Aeryn, yet, Crichton had made plain his suspicions every microt of the day.  
  
He looked at... Aeryn, "You are right. I am a jerk. I don't think I could go on as Crais did... does. I would have gone fahrbot within a monen if it had been me alone on Talyn. Maybe that is part of the reason we do that to Crais. He has been on Talyn for cycles and is still sane. At least I hope he is."  
  
He stepped forward and laid a tentative hand on Aeryn's... Crais' shoulder, "I will try and change that, once you are both back... but he can be so infuriating sometimes." He dropped his hand from the shoulder he was holding.  
  
Crichton heard Aeryn's voice softly say, "Oh, I think we can all be infuriating at times." He could hear the laughter in that voice before their eyes even met.  
  
"Yeah, well, my boy Crais takes pride in being the best at whatever little endeavour he takes a notion to try. Ok, Aeryn, you do have a point as usual. Can we just hold off with the New Year's resolutions till tomorrow?"  
  
"And how shall we spend the rest of this day?"  
  
"Well, since I seem to be batting 1000, what would you suggest? As you say, you're the one stuck in someone else's body. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, we hope. Seems like a shame to waste it changing the oil in your prowler or re-cleaning every pulse weapon on Talyn and Moya." Crichton turned more serious, "Aeryn, how do you want to spend the next 12 arns?"  
  
The grin on Crais' face was totally out of place and Crichton had to shake his head to dispel the picture.  
  
Aeryn stepped closer and it was Crais' hand which was put on Crichton's shoulder, the grin had not left the face. Aeryn purred in a sweet voice, "I could give you the workout of a lifetime and you could get to... try and hit Crais."  
  
Crichton looked shocked. In workouts, Aeryn still beat him. He had seen their exercise this morning, with her in Crais' body he wouldn't stand a chance! He didn't fancy the idea of getting the Hezmana beat out of him.  
  
"Uhrm... can't you think of something less... strenuous for Crais' body?" *Like a game of checkers* he thought.  
  
"I don't think Crais would mind seeing you try," she purred softly.  
  
"But I would," countered Crichton.  
  
.  
  
Part 14  
  
.  
  
"Hmmm..." said Aeryn thoughtfully, "Let me think. It would be a shame to waste the experience of finding out what a male body is capable of. How about a lap around Moya? See who's the fastest? This body feels as if it is built to release a lot of energy." She flexed the muscles in her hands.  
  
The thought was tempting to Crichton and he HAD asked her what she wanted to do. Besides, Crais had a stockier build and Crichton had always fancied himself a good runner. It was also a less painful option to her earlier suggestion.   
  
"Okay," he conceded, "One lap around Moya."  
  
She smiled and took off Crais' tunic. For Crichton's benefit, she flexed the muscles in Crais' shoulders and arms.   
  
The first stretch, they ran nearly side-by-side. Aeryn was feeling the way Crais' muscles responded to her command to run. It felt good! The body was supple and the muscles powerful. It felt so different from her own body, she smiled. She hardly had to exert herself to build up the speed to run next to John.  
  
Once she had more control over Crais' muscles, she gathered speed and lengthened her strides. It now felt more comfortable than the shorter strides she used in her own body. She was running ahead of Crichton now and was still breathing quite evenly.  
  
The others on Moya watched the race, even Crais looking up from what he was doing. A smile danced on Aeryn's features. They all moved into position to see the end of the race.  
  
Even though the "lap" around Moya was actually a truncated version (a true lap from stem to stern would have qualified as a marathon), this race was still no sprint.  
  
It turned out that although the Sebacean body was older even after accounting for the difference in life spans, and Crichton's body type was closer to that of the ideal runner, the two were well matched. They were never very far from each other, and the short lead that Crais' body established was conserved for most of the distance.  
  
Neither spoke to the other; they both were taking the challenge very seriously. Still, after they had settled into a rhythm, they both found that they were enjoying the challenge they presented to their own bodies as much as the one they offered to each other.  
  
Crichton remembered his college days, when he had tried out for the track team. He'd had enough speed then that he could have done well if only he had been willing to devote more of his time to training. That hadn't been his focus though. He'd kept physically fit, he knew he had to if he wanted to be a shuttle jockey like his father, and it came naturally anyway. His priority, though, was the sciences, and something had to give. So the running had remained a hobby, not an obsession.  
  
As they got closer to the finish, the two runners wound up very close to each other. Both seemed to find an extra reserve of energy somewhere. Each put on an extra burst of speed.  
  
D'Argo and Chi lounged against a control panel, rooting Crichton on. Crais sat, back to a bulkhead, silently watching the runners' approach, an enigmatic smile on his face.   
  
Even Rygel leaned forward on his sled. After all these cycles, he had become more resigned to the limitations of the Hynerian form, but some days, he still envied the others their bodies' physical power and mobility. Well, there were always advantages and disadvantages. Their physical edge hardly made up for his intellectual superiority.   
  
The observers watched as the human slowly made up the short distance between them. They were racing neck and neck, with only inches to separate them as they approached the "finish line", a length of cable that D'Argo had thrown down on the deck near the point that the race had started.  
  
As they crossed over, Crichton leaned forward. The plane of his body crossed over just a fraction of a second before that of the Sebacean, had he not stretched out his body so, there might have been another dispute in the making regarding who had actually won the contest.  
  
They slowed down, laughing, and Aeryn fell into John's arms. In the excitement of the moment, Crichton didn't even flinch from the contact. After a moment, he realized whose body he was embracing, but by that time he was gazing into the eyes, which, although deep brown, still projected the soul of the woman he loved.   
  
They separated, John looking a bit foolishly embarrassed.  
  
The others rushed to congratulate them. Aeryn also offered congratulations to Crichton. "I demand a rematch. Next time, I'll use your technique and lean forward too."  
  
Crichton laughed and said "Ok, but not today. I'm going to sit down and take five. I'm beat"  
  
"I thought I got beaten. Do humans run races backwards too? And five what?"  
  
That occasioned another round of laughter.  
  
Crichton looked more seriously at "Crais". "Hey, you didn't let me win, did you? Naw..."  
  
"Of course not. No self respecting Sebacean would do that. That would be degrading to both parties."  
  
Crais' and Aeryn's eyes met. Later on, he would comment, "Aeryn Sun, that was an interesting choice of contests. We both know you would never fail to do your best to prevail. However, that did not prevent you from choosing an endeavour in which your opponent had as many advantages, and as much chance to be victorious, as possible."  
  
.  
  
Part 15  
  
.  
  
D'Argo proposed that since for the moment, no crisis presented itself and even his repairs of last night seemed to be holding, the crew take time out for a little celebration. Chiana had some ideas regarding setting out a table of their provisions, fortunately they had freshly provisioned Moya from the planet down below.  
  
Crais followed the others to the galley. Somehow he envied their camaraderie. After the race Crichton seemed more comfortable with the thought that Aeryn was in Crais' body and now talked amicably to her. He still didn't want to walk too close to her but he seemed to have accepted that it was not Crais he was talking to. *Cleverly done, Aeryn* thought Crais.  
  
Rygel noticed that Crais was the last in line and moved over to Aeryn's body. "Do you think Aeryn would have let John win deliberately," he whispered in a conspiring voice.  
  
Crais looked at him, "No she wouldn't."  
  
"Could you have beaten him?"  
  
"Yes," replied Crais with calm conviction, "Fortunately, Aeryn was unfamiliar with my body but she did nearly get the most out of it."  
  
Rygel looked at him with a questioning frown, "You seem quite happy with the outcome, even if she didn't win?"  
  
Crais smiled a little secretively, "I am Rygel. It was the best outcome."  
  
Rygel shook his head, even after all these cycles he still found it hard sometimes to understand Crais. He had thought that Crais would be upset that the Human had beaten him, well his body anyway, even by a fraction. He moved forward to be with the others.  
  
.  
  
Crais mused over his own words. Yes, he had been happy... for Aeryn. The race had brought Aeryn and Crichton closer together again while she was in his body. He realised Crichton's worth as a mate to Aeryn and she had needed his acceptance and his nearness.  
  
She had been unhappy with the way Crichton had reacted to her over the past arns. She had become used to being close to him. She was not used to the distance Crais was always treated to by Crichton.  
  
Crais sighed. Although the experience had been... was still interesting he would be glad when he was back in his own body. The way the arms moved past the sides, it didn't feel right. Or how the chest stuck out when he walked with his normally straight back. He could feel that her hips were not used to his heavier steps and he had to plant his feet differently to compensate.   
  
He still couldn't resist the habit of stroking his goatee and it felt strange to touch a smooth skin. Earlier, when he was doing some maintenance before the race began, he had been aware how much smaller her hands were compared to his, and he had dropped the tools a couple of times.  
  
On the other hand, her eyesight was slightly better than his. His eyesight was always better in subdued light but hers was much better in brighter light.  
  
They had reached the galley and Crais stopped his musing. He hoped they weren't going to ask him to join the cooking, at least if they wanted to survive his cooking skills.  
  
.  
  
Crichton turned around to him, "Hey, Crais, get over here and dig in before Rygel gets it all", Crichton quipped as he approached the Sebacean. The friendly smile on his face almost extended to his eyes; at least there was no hostility to be found there.  
  
It turned out that the table held quite a variety of foodstuffs.  
  
D'Argo grinned and called out, "We might as well take advantage while we have a fresh supply down planet. We've spent too much time rationing ourselves when we weren't near any food sources. We can always make a final supply run before we leave here.  
  
"It looks like today may be one of the good days, and we've had too few of those to suit me."  
  
The table held a variety of dishes and everyone was finding something they particularly enjoyed.   
  
Crichton didn't move away. Munching on a handful of small globes of a reddish fruit and looking frankly at "Aeryn", he said, "maybe we're all learning something today. Maybe we all need to spend a little more time together getting more used to each other."  
  
Chiana had gone over to talk to "Crais". She seemed as much at ease with the situation as any of them, but then of course, she was always the one ready for a new adventure.  
  
Crais fervently hoped that if they needed to return to the planet at all, it was only for more provisions and not because of anything more critical, like a little "out of body" problem.  
  
He wondered how the transfer back to their own body would be done. Would it just "slip" in, as it done almost half a solar day ago? Or would they have to go down to the planet to "finalise" it.  
  
He would have to ask her about that if they could find some time together. Crais ate his food with meticulous care and munched it slowly. They were used to seeing him do it, but it was different to see "Aeryn" do it.  
  
Crichton moved over and looked at Crais' plate, "You always eat this slow... Crais? You won't stand a chance with Rygel at the table at this speed."  
  
Crais stopped eating, "Crichton, how I eat should not concern you." Crais changed his voice to soften his remark, "I like to taste my food. When I'm back on Talyn, it is mainly food cubes. Remembering what real food tastes like is part of my joy when I am on my own."  
  
Crichton was surprised that Crais so readily admitted to some of his little habits. Was this a side effect of the body-swap?  
  
Crichton pushed a bit more, "How do you experience Aeryn's body?"  
  
Crais turned to him and "Aeryn's" eyes looked a bit at a loss, "The female body is not as comfortable as my own. Aeryn's body is strong enough but her balance feels all different. I hope this will be over soon."  
  
"So do I," replied Crichton softly.  
  
Crais looked over at Aeryn in his own body and saw that she was having a wonderful time. His facial muscles must have been working harder than ever at laughter. He smiled and wondered if Aeryn had ever realised how much fun she was having with the crew on Moya?   
  
Crichton, meanwhile, examined "Aeryn's" visage more closely than he had done so far. He saw the same face he had loved for cycles now, the strong, honest, generous features that were not especially what would generally be called pretty, but somehow instead qualified as beautiful. Those features were less animated now, more controlled, more serious, less easily and obviously read, but they were still Aeryn's.   
  
Crais' first response had been the more conventional, expected one. Crichton found himself sympathising with Crais regarding his usual diet. After all this time in the Uncharteds, he still found food cubes to be something that kept a body alive and functioning, but not something that he really thought of as "food". He was still as likely as not to be found playing with his food cubes, building them into geometric or Erp-meaningful shapes, or seeing how high he could stack them before the whole little edifice would collapse. They might keep the body going, but they did nothing for his aesthetic senses: the taste, the sheer visual pleasure of beholding the colors and shapes, the feel of the texture his tongue would touch as he ate "real" food, the sometimes mouth-watering smells that could entice his appetite.  
  
Still, it was interesting that Crais' reaction was to slowly savour and enjoy the food, rather than to take advantage of the opportunity by wolfing down as much as he could and as hastily as possible. He found that he approved, and smiled (to himself, he thought).  
  
Crais had watched Crichton's reaction, had seen the smile appear on his face and had surmised what the thought behind it was. The Jhumon's face was so easy to read and he wondered if Aeryn thought so too.  
  
He took a little more of the Tharkalian stew and placed some Savorian eels on the side. The food was disappearing fast but Crais didn't mind. He had taken as much as he wanted and the others could eat more than they needed, if they so wished.   
  
He looked over at Aeryn again and he was proud of her. Not that he would openly admit to that. As he had said, so long ago now, she could be more and she had proved him right. Her easy banter with Chiana, her gentle admonishing of Rygel. She had even made Ka D'Argo laugh with her while occupying his body.  
  
Why she thought she had to be as "strong" as he was, he could not understand. Her strength was not in control; her strength lay in making people at ease. Leadership knew many forms. His had been born from the Peacekeepers, from Command. Hers was more like a gentle persuasion without being soft. Once she came to realise this, maybe then she could believe in herself.  
  
Crais sighed. He envied her as well. It would have been "easy" to have been alone, to be without friends or allies and yet, here she was, surrounded by friends, surrounded by people who loved her. He wondered, what would he have been or done had he been surrounded by friends, if their roles had been reversed? Would his solitary nature have allowed him to accept them as readily as she had done?  
  
Crais did not realize it, but his usual control over his expression was not quite so automatic in Aeryn's body.  
  
Crichton might have been human, but he was no dummy either. He had noted the glances at "Crais", the approving smile, the sigh, a ghost of what almost appeared to be a wistful look on Aeryn's countenance. Did he really see that, or was it just his imagination? He thought back to what Aeryn had said earlier about how Crais had lived apart, alone. Lonely? Ex-Ex-Peacekeeper Captain Bialar Crais? Well, truth was stranger than fiction, he guessed.  
  
Meanwhile, Crais was pondering just how easy it was to be alone, without friends or allies. Maybe it wasn't quite that easy. But it had been necessary. Hadn't it?  
  
He returned his attention to the eels.  
  
Crichton placed the last piece of fruit at the head of Crais' dish as an offering. "Chiana says these are called "tari fruit". They're native to the planet below us. They're really very good, very sweet, but with just a bit of a bite. Sorta like a mad scientist managed to smash together some really sweet giant red blackberries with cranberries. Except, they don't really look like either. They look more like mutant plums, actually. Here, try one."   
  
Crichton gave him an almost apologetic smile, and got up to join Aeryn. "Be back in a sec."  
  
Crais looked up at Crichton. The translator microbes didn't always do a perfect job. Sometimes it seemed that the human took it as his duty to prove that day in and day out.   
  
.  
  
Crichton walked over to where Aeryn was deep in discussion with Chi...  
  
"...you could always try the Delvian Blue," Crichton heard Chiana say. Crichton found it quite amusing to hear them discuss clothes. Aeryn discussing it would be a novelty in itself, seeing "Crais" tackling that problem was simply a miracle and a smile crept over his face. He tried to keep the laughter in.  
  
"Crais" looked up and saw how Crichton tried to control the mirth on his face, "John? What's wrong?"  
  
"Aeryn" looked at the scene that was played out at the other end of the table. Crais had just been about to bite into the offered piece of fruit and was wondering why Crichton was trying to suppress his laughter.  
  
"John," Aeryn asked again and a look of worry flitted past Crais' features.  
  
"Sorry, Aeryn but the idea of Crais discussing dresses..." Crichton couldn't keep his laughter from exploding. The tears of laughter were streaming down his face.  
  
Aeryn was not amused. What she had been discussing with Chiana was not a matter of mirth. She got up from the table. She had only wanted to stop him laughing uncontrollably and had grabbed him by the front of his shirt, lifting him to face her. She had forgotten that she was still in Crais' body and lifted him off the ground. In shock she let go of him and he fell in a heap on the floor.  
  
"I am sorry, John.... I had not realised... I didn't want to...." with a distraught look on Crais' face she ran out of the galley.  
  
"Aeryn" put the piece of fruit back on his plate, leaned his elbow on the table and let Aeryn's head sink back against it. He sighed. Would the Jhumon never learn?  
  
He stood up and moved over to Crichton to help him up but Crichton shook his hand away. A look of sadness passed Aeryn's features, "Crichton, she didn't mean to do that." After a short and uncomfortable pause, "She didn't mean to hurt you physically or otherwise, and she didn't mean to push you away. This has been hard on all of us. Maybe it has been most difficult for you." Crais didn't know what else he could, or should say, or indeed, whether he had already said too much.  
  
Chiana chimed in, "Yeah, Crichton, Aeryn and I were having a serious conversation, you know? This was really important to her. Too important, if you ask me. I think that everyone here needs to lighten up a little. That's why D'Argo and I set up this little get-together, so we could all relax a bit. We depend on each other too much to be at each other's throats over something like this."  
  
D'Argo came over and offered his hand to Crichton. "John, it's all right. I know it's hard, but Aeryn's under a lot of pressure. Hezmana, we all are.  
  
She's probably feeling guilty, and worried about what's going to happen when the 24 arns are up. She shouldn't. We'll all back her up. She should know we're all there for her, and you and Crais, but it's probably eating at her anyway. She's been there for us enough times."  
  
Crichton took hold of the Luxan's large hand, and let himself be pulled to his feet.   
  
He looked at the people gathered around him and he admitted to himself that he had acted like a jerk.  
  
Everyone had been trying very hard to behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened to ensure that nobody felt too uncomfortable, yet, here he was making a big deal of it time and again.  
  
"Thanks, Big D, but I think she was right in doing that to me. I needed a shake up, I guess," he grinned ruefully while he massaged his backside.  
  
He looked over at Aeryn... Crais who, as always, stood apart from everyone else. When Crichton had accepted D'Argo's hand to help him up, Crais had moved back to the spot where he had been seated. He took the fruit off the plate where he had left and bit into it. The joy, which came over Aeryn's face was something that cheered Crichton up. All of a sudden, he was glad he had saved that piece of fruit for Crais.  
  
Aeryn's taste in flavours ran more to the tangy fruit, Crais' to the sweeter varieties. After Crais took another bite, he looked at Crichton, then nodded and smiled. Crichton felt better. 


	5. 24 Arns, part 1618

Part 16  
  
After he finished the fruit Crais left the galley in search of Aeryn. He had a fair idea where he would find her, and directed himself to the training area.  
  
She had already stripped off the tunic and was attacking the exercise pole with fervour. Crais watched her for a moment before walking over.  
  
"I hope you are not going to over-extend my body too much," he said softly.  
  
Aeryn looked at him, and then turned away again, "Why not? I seem to be doing everything else wrong."  
  
Crais closed the last few feet between them, and reached out to her, putting one hand at the point of each shoulder and gently turning her back around to face him.  
  
"Aeryn", he said, "Please sit down. We need to talk. I believe that it would benefit both of us, and everybody else on Moya."  
  
He pressed down lightly on her shoulders.  
  
"All right, Crais. I owe you that. Cholok knows we all owe you more than that."   
  
"Never mind who owes whom what. Aeryn, what you did... I was very upset at first. But not anymore.  
  
This is hard for me to say, but let me try.  
  
We all have our needs, our insecurities. None of us has had an innocent, carefree life. It seems to me that it is a most normal reaction to think that our own troubles are the worst, and to think that others are more fortunate and have it easier.  
  
Over the cycles that we have all been together, we have seen glimpses, and sometimes more than enough, of the things that have driven and haunted us.  
  
Not one of us has always confronted our demons as wisely or even as honestly as we should have. We can only try to do the best we can. That has to be enough."  
  
Aeryn looked into his... her own eyes. She smiled ruefully after a moment, "That's easy for you to say, Crais. You are so self-sufficient. Beyond Talyn, you need no one."  
  
"Aeryn, have I fooled you as well? And if I have found a way to survive like that, are you so sure how satisfying and enjoyable of a life it is?  
  
Do you know what the others were saying when I left the galley? Chiana had just finished explaining to Crichton in no uncertain terms that she felt he had exceeded his bounds both in treating you so rudely and then in overreacting to your objection. D'Argo was explaining to him that your concern is both understandable and unnecessary. The others will all back you up as needed. I believe his words were 'She should know we're all there for her, and you and Crais... she's been there for us enough times...'  
  
Crichton, meanwhile, was confessing that he thought you were right in reacting to him as you did, and that he thought 'he needed a shake-up'.   
  
So you see, if you have been so wrong, you have some excellent company. And you have your friends behind you."  
  
He paused, and then gently tilted her... his own chin a bit so that she was gazing directly into his eyes. "Including me", he said.  
  
Aeryn looked up, still not believing what he had just told her, "But Crais... I make so many mistakes. I am different from the others. They sometimes still see me as the Peacekeeper who came on board and stayed."  
  
Crais' eyes were soft, "That is not always wrong, Aeryn. Sometimes we need to be strong in combat, whether this is in battle or a personal obstacle. Your Peacekeeper training gives you that edge. The others need that. They are not skilled in battle, you are."  
  
Aeryn looked down, "I cannot relate to them at times."  
  
Crais sighed, "That might never change, who knows, but they have accepted you as you are. Their words prove that. You are a friend, a comrade and a companion to them. They love you, each in their own way. Give them the chance to help you relate to them. You need them just as much as they need you."  
  
Aeryn looked up again, "And you, Crais? You just said that you have fooled me as well. What do you need?"  
  
Crais looked away, "I have chosen to be alone. To accept that makes it easier for me to survive."  
  
This time it was Aeryn who made him look at her, "I have always thought that your strength came from being able to be on your own but you need companionship as much as all of us. I can see that now. Why do you deny that to yourself, Crais?"  
  
"I have to Aeryn. They do not accept me as they do you and I cannot blame them, But you... You are different from me too." He smiled, "Better in some ways, I might add."  
  
He grew serious again, "You said you wanted to experience my strength but what about yours? You had the strength to change. To become more than the Peacekeeper doctrine taught you. Your command lies in persuasion. You have the ability to make others feel comfortable and to make them laugh. Your leadership is different from mine."  
  
"But you are always so calm, in perfect control..."  
  
Crais smiled, "Am I, Aeryn? To me it is a necessity. It comes from cycles of being in control but is that what you would want? I have learned from you. I know you find that difficult to understand but seeing how you persuaded Talyn has taught me how to use persuasion. It is not always successful, and sometimes I slip up but I try. Do you always want to be in perfect control? It would not suit you, Aeryn. It would destroy you."  
  
Aeryn considered for a moment what Crais had just revealed.  
  
"Crais, you sound as though you think they cannot and should not accept you. Why do you think this? Why can't you blame them for that?"  
  
"Aeryn, I imprisoned the Luxan although I was well aware that he had been falsely accused and convicted. Likewise, I held Rygel as a political prisoner for cycles; that is only the beginning of his legitimate grievance against me. I hounded Crichton although I knew in my heart from the beginning that he was no more responsible for my brother's death than the prowler he was flying or the asteroid his ship crashed into. I threatened to have you declared irreversibly contaminated and executed. I hunted you all unmercifully. I kidnapped Talyn under false pretenses. I will not even speak of my transgressions against Moya and her pilot. That they freely allow me on board is more than I deserve from either one."  
  
Here he stopped.  
  
"Crais, you are also the reason why we have survived. We all owe our lives to you. You helped us stay free of Scorpius. Crichton would have died at his hands without you. Both Moya and Talyn would either be dead or enslaved by Peacekeepers long ago... probably the former.  
  
For that matter, you are the only reason that Peacekeepers have not begun enslaving or destroying the entire known galaxy.  
  
If we hold you to account for some of your actions, we should also credit you with the others.  
  
Is this how you punish yourself to atone for your misdeeds? And how long will you continue to do so?"  
  
Crais looked away and stared into the distance. His voice became distant, soft, "My misdeeds are multiple, Aeryn. Yes, I do have hopes that someday others will forget what I have been, what I have done and will remember what good I have sought to do. But that is only hope, not reality. I would drive myself insane if I really expected that I could change people's beliefs of me or if I foolishly thought that hope could become reality."  
  
Aeryn was silent. Crais was always so secretive about himself. This was a rare moment they were sharing and she had the feeling that it might be the only one Crais would allow himself to share with anyone.  
  
He briefly looked back at her and then he stared at the floor between his hands, "Do you know that the worse torture is not physical? Or even mental horrors? The worse torture is Hope. You take that away from someone time and again and that person will be broken, however strong."  
  
He looked back at her. His defences were up again, "I will not be broken."  
  
It only lasted briefly; then he resumed staring ahead of himself, "I can not afford to. Talyn needs me."  
  
Aeryn felt sad for Crais, "Talyn needs you. You always say that when you want to hide, Crais. He is your excuse to deny yourself a life. You tell me to accept the others as my friends because that is what they are. Yet, every time someone comes close to you, you become aloof, arrogant, immerse yourself in work. Isn't it time you reviewed your situation as well?"  
  
Crais looked away. She pulled his face back. The sadness she saw on her own face made her bite her lip, "Crais the very concept of hope implies that what is hoped for may become reality. Otherwise, we are speaking not of hope, but delusion.   
  
The longest journey begins with one single small step. And then it requires another. And another.  
  
You tell me to listen to the words of the others, my friends, and to believe them. Perhaps you should, also. You tell me that D'Argo said that they were all there for me, and Crichton, and you. Those were your words. If I should believe the Luxan when he says they're here for John and for myself, why should you not believe him when he includes you in that list? Do you believe that he was just flattering you? Do you think he would bother?"  
  
After the shortest of pauses, "How good at flattery do you think D'Argo is anyway?"  
  
This brought an unwilling smile to "Aeryn's" face.  
  
"Bialar, you tell me that I have changed. Yes, everyone changes... or dies. It's true. The others have never embraced you as they have me. However, they do not regard you as they once did, either... And you can be prickly as a volgarian bush to approach.  
  
Perhaps a little more movement on both sides would be wise. Small steps, careful steps."  
  
Aeryn caressed Crais'... her own, face. Briefly, but it was a caress. "I would not see you broken..."  
  
So many emotions played over "Aeryn's" features at once, for a moment Crais was losing all the calm he was so famous, and infamous, for. He wanted to believe her words, drew a certain comfort from them. Yes, D'Argo had said they would be there for him too.  
  
For a brief moment it looked as if he was going to give in, believe, but then his own self doubt returned, and the fear that all would once again be taken away from him. He drew a shuddering breath and stepped away from Aeryn, balling her smaller fists, "I can't, Aeryn, I am sorry." He all but fled from the room.  
  
.  
  
Part 17  
  
.  
  
"Crais" sat down again. She had tried and failed.  
  
Crichton walked into the room, "What happened to Crais? He flew out of here like a bat out of hell." He saw how dejected Crais... Aeryn looked and walked over. He sat next to her and resisted the urge to lay his hand on... the shoulder. "Care to tell me what's wrong?"   
  
When she looked up there were tears in the eyes, "I had never realised what a tormented man he is, John. I had always thought he was so strong but his loneliness..." Her voice trailed off.  
  
"You know Captain Crunch. Hates socialising, hates jokes, hates to relax. Broody at the best of times. Always knows best, which, I admit, he has a knack of being. A bit difficult to make friends with. Not the type of guy you invite to a stag party. Guess he's all right."  
  
Aeryn wondered how much to reveal of what she had learned. He had spoken to her in confidence, of that she was sure, but saying nothing would also stop her from trying to help him move forward.   
  
She looked at John, "Do you still hate him? Distrust him?"  
  
John looked at her, "What a strange question, Aeryn. You sure you're all right? Crais' body not getting to you?"  
  
"Crais'" face grew calm and for a moment John wondered whether they had shifted positions again, but it was the light voice of Aeryn that asked him, "No, I mean it John. What do you think now in regards to Crais?"  
  
He looked at her, "As I said, he can be quite broody at times, he wouldn't be Crais if he wasn't, and for a while I thought he... uhm... fancied you. I realise that is not so and I hate to admit it but he has saved our eemas countless times and hardly stuck around long enough for us to thank him. I think over the cycles I've come to see him more like an older brother. The kind who already has a girlfriend, drives a car, smokes and lives in a different place, while I am still covered with acne and wondering if the fuzz on my face will grow into a beard, eventually."  
  
John smiled, "Yeah, come to think of it, I think that's how I see him. Comes home once in a while, raids the fridge and finds his younger siblings a bit of a nuisance but rubs shoulders with them because they're family."  
  
Aeryn said, "You're right, John. We all need family of some kind, even if we have to make our own. Crais has had none since Tauvo's death.  
  
We've made our own here, on Moya. You've called it a Jury Springer family, but it is a family.  
  
Crais no longer has one, not even a Jury Springer one."  
  
She hesitated, "Do you think Crais could ever find something like that with us?"  
  
Crichton looked at Aeryn seriously, "If he let us, I think we could act as his family, but the closer we get the more distance he seems to put between us. Sometimes I have the feeling that he is afraid of us. Not as a physical threat, more like an emotional threat."  
  
Aeryn thought *You are closer to the truth than you know, John.*  
  
"Why can't he be like you? We all get along with you, as a matter of fact we wouldn't stick together like a family if it wasn't for you. We love you, Baby." Crichton grinned.   
  
Aeryn blushed and Crichton laughed, "Now that's a sight I don't see everyday."  
  
.  
  
Part 18  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile, Crais had found his way to the Observation Deck. He was alone. The others were probably still in the galley.  
  
He looked at the vast expanse of space. His hands were pressed against his back as was his wont, but his rigid stance made him aware that Aeryn's chest stood out. He sighed. He wanted his body back so he could once again connect to Talyn. He had missed the youngster.  
  
He contemplated what had been said in the workout area and he knew Aeryn was right. And he was also aware that he had revealed more than he had meant to. At the time it had felt like a good idea. And then had followed his flight here, to the Observation Deck. He felt his calm slipping. Yes, Aeryn and he were sharing each other's bodies in mind and in voice but some things were an intrinsic part of the body. Crais could feel himself reacting to hormones. That's why he felt so many more, such different emotions.   
  
He stepped closer to the big window and rested his head, Aeryn's head, against it. He needed to refocus.  
  
"Contemplating your sins?" A voice spoke from the doorway.  
  
Crais turned around and found Crichton standing just a short distance from him. He was experiencing a veritable cascade of emotions, one after the other, anxiety regarding exposing his emotional insecurities, despair over his predicament, chagrin that the Erper had managed to catch him unawares being only several of the most predominant ones.  
  
Crichton recognized at least some of the thoughts and feelings that were racing through the Sebacean.   
  
"Whoa, Crais, take it easy." He held up his hands in a shielding position in front of himself and backed up a step.   
  
"Look, I just left Aeryn back at the hangar bay. She didn't want to get specific about the things you two have been talking about. She's obviously afraid of betraying your trust. I think she'd do just about anything not to lose your friendship.  
  
But it's not so hard to figure a few things out.  
  
Look, this is sorta hard to say, but I want to apologize for how I've been acting, both today and, well, in general."  
  
He hesitated, smiled a bit foolishly, and continued, "You said before that this must be hard for me. Well, it has been... For me. For all of us.  
  
You know, Crais, when you and Talyn left with Aeryn and the other me all that time ago -funny, but time flies- I almost went crazy thinking about how I was going to lose the woman who meant everything to me. She was "the one". And I was sure I was going to lose her, even though I wasn't sure whom I was going to lose her to. Might have been the other John, might have been you.   
  
All I knew was that it was all over for me. There were times back then that I acted like an ass, and I guess I've sort of kept up the tradition.   
  
There have been too many times that I haven't been fair to you. Especially after the Command Carrier. If I still had doubts...  
  
Anyway, I know that I've been unfair to you at times. We all have.  
  
But you know, you're not the most easygoing person around here either. You're not the easiest person to approach.  
  
What I'm thinking is that you -you and Talyn both- have done enough for the rest of us over the last several years that we shouldn't let that matter.  
  
You know, Aeryn is an integral part of our family, in some ways, she's almost our center, but she didn't blend in easily from the word "go" either. It took time, and work on everyone's part, but slowly we built up not only trust but affection too. We've all had baggage, and sometimes it wasn't so easy to put aside. It would have been everyone's loss if we hadn't. It would have been worth all of our lives..."  
  
Crichton's little speech ground to a halt, and he stood there, hands now held out to Crais at his sides in an open, welcoming gesture.  
  
Crais sighed, and for a moment Crichton thought that the stern Sebacean was just going to dismiss him, banish him from his mind. He saw the small gestures Crais made when he was lecturing them or tried to get his point across as if they were children. The pinching of the brow above the bridge of his nose, the one finger trailing his eyebrow as if to dissipate the beginnings of a headache... Crichton's heart fell.  
  
Crais looked out of the window once before turning back to Crichton. *Here we go*, thought Crichton.   
  
"Crichton..." Crais started (and Crichton really wanted to be somewhere else), "You have raised some valid points. (Crichton became alert) I am not one of the most... easygoing persons, (Crichton's mouth almost dropped open) and I realise that it doesn't help to bridge the gap between us. Aeryn did try to explain that me as well, and I ran away, didn't want to hear it."  
  
He turned towards the window, his voice grown soft, "For cycles I have believed that I could stay on my own and that I didn't need anyone in my life. Talyn was, and always would be, enough. But in the last cycle, I have sought your company more, the company of all of you. I made myself believe that it was Talyn who needed to be with his mother. Something Aeryn said made me review that."  
  
He turned back to Crichton, "Isn't it ironic that I have to be put into Aeryn's body to admit that to myself? Or to you?"   
  
He looked down on Aeryn's hands; noticing a small tremor in them, "This body is so different from mine. It is not so easily controlled. It is so full of emotions, emotions which I find harder to suppress. It makes me WANT to review the situation."  
  
He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, "I tried to tell myself that it doesn't matter. That I don't need any of you. That none of you will accept me. Yet in my heart, I know differently."   
  
He turned away from Crichton and walked back to the window, his voice was almost like a whisper to himself, "I am afraid of what I am feeling right now."  
  
Crichton had not heard his last remark and he stepped forwards, placed a hand on Crais' shoulder, Crais looked at it briefly but did not shy away, "Crais, I know you find this hard to believe or accept but you have a home here too. We know you want to be on your own from time to time. That you don't want our company all the time and we have come to accept that."   
  
Crichton stepped next to Crais and looked out to space and he smiled, "Do you know that we look forward to your visits? We know you're not much of a talker but sometimes Pilot shares the adventures Talyn has told his mother with us and we sometimes envy you. You bring a calm to our little group with your presence. There is an excitement when we know you are coming."  
  
Crais looked disbelievingly at Crichton, "Why?"  
  
Crichton smile broadened, "Well, for one, the excitement, and the safety all rolled up into one. Don't usually get those two together on either side of the galaxy. Whenever you and Talyn show up, we never know what'll happen next, but we can usually depend on something spectacular. Sometimes you two appear like the cavalry just in the nick of time, and on a few occasions, we've sorta returned the favour. Remember those Plakavoids?"  
  
Crais stared at the jhumon. "Plokavians, Crichton, Plokavians."  
  
"Yeah, those buggers. That's what I said."  
  
Crais mentally rolled his eyes.  
  
"If we hadn't kept them occupied, you two would have been in seriously deep dren..."  
  
"Yes, Crichton, you've told us that before."  
  
"Well, its true. Usually you two are the ones pulling our mivonks out of the fire, but every once in a while, we get to turn the tables.  
  
"Either way, you and Talyn are two of the very few things we can depend on out here. Whether it's breaking me out of Scorpy's clutches or saving the known universe, when the chips are down, somehow you and Talyn always seem to show up. None of us would be here without you, not even Talyn. We all know that. I think even Moya does. In fact, I'm sure of that."  
  
Crichton got a little more serious. "Besides, its comforting when you're here. Not only is your information and opinion valuable to us. You usually present us a whole different side of the picture.  
  
And it's comforting to get that other picture. Not just because it gives us a more rounded view of our situation. It's good to know that there's someone else out there who cares what happens to us.   
  
Who else like that do we have?  
  
You're like our big brother. If the big bully down the street comes around to mess with us, you and Talyn will fix his wagon, even if you give us a little grief first."  
  
Crichton suddenly got very serious, "You two care about us. You're like our guardian angels."  
  
A short pause... "From what Talyn says, we're not the only ones..."  
  
Crais looked away, embarrassed. He didn't want to be reminded of the things he had done, good or bad. He knew what Crichton was referring to. If Talyn had been truly forthcoming in his stories, and then Pilot in turn too, than he knew.  
  
Crais looked into space, "Talyn and I have been present to assist others at times."  
  
Crichton turned him around. His face was very serious now, "Crais, how long are you going to punish yourself?"  
  
Crais flinched when he heard the Jhumon repeat the same words Aeryn had used. He tried to break free but part of him didn't want to.  
  
"How many more people are you and Talyn going to rescue before you think your debt is paid off? How many more times must you be injured before you are hurt enough?  
  
Pilot has told us what you and Talyn did for the people of Taraghor. How many did you save that day? Or the countless others on planets spread all over the Uncharted Territories? When will it be enough for you, Crais, so that you can finally admit that you need people too?"  
  
"Enough Crichton!" Crais shook his hand off his shoulder, "I had to do what I had to do then. I do not need their gratitude. Anyone would have done the same." But his eyes told Crichton differently.   
  
"We never really showed you how much we appreciate you and Talyn. Part of you doesn't want, maybe isn't sure how, to be close to anyone. You are a complex man, Mon Capitan! Not easy to please either."  
  
"Crichton I..."  
  
"Yes, Crais? Another one of your excuses to push us away? You are only... Sebacean." Crichton had almost said "human", but that would be wrong to do, "You need company as much as any other."  
  
Crais shook his head, "I don't need..."  
  
"Dren, Crais. Then why do you visit us? Why do you rescue us?"  
  
"Talyn..."  
  
"No, not us. Not Talyn. How about you, Crais?" Crichton shook his head mentally. This man had a thick skull sometimes. He contemplated giving him a concussion and brainwashing him. 


	6. 24 Arns, part 1921

Part 19  
  
.  
  
Crais sat down heavily on the floor, all fight taken out of him. What was wrong with him? He wanted to flee, run away from Crichton, but he also wanted to stay. He felt emotional. Anger, hurt, shyness, embarrassment, loneliness. He could normally control his feelings well but now... he was feeling overwhelmed.  
  
Crichton sat down parallel to him, just a few feet away, an arms length away. He drew his arms up around his knees, "Hey, Bialar, ya know what?"  
  
He waited a moment for an answer. Didn't get one. "Anyone wouldn't have done the same. Even back home, on my pitiful little waste hole of a planet, where we're all so soft, anyone wouldn't have just done the same.  
  
A lotta people wouldn't have done the same. Maybe most people, even most good people.  
  
We worry sometimes when you're gone, and time marches on, and there's no word. So far, you and Talyn have reappeared each time, eventually.   
  
Maybe some day you won't. Everyone's luck runs out sometime or other. Someday we're just going to keep waiting and waiting. If that happens, we'll never stop waiting.  
  
That doesn't mean you're wrong to do what you've done. There are a lot of people out there who thank their lucky stars for you and Talyn. A lot of people who wouldn't be thanking anyone or anything otherwise."  
  
Crichton snorted, "I wonder how many of them are aware that they have a renegade ex-Peacekeeper captain to thank for their lives."  
  
Still no answer.  
  
"So, Crais, what don't you need?  
  
Crais finally lifted his head and looked Crichton in the eyes. Crichton had never seen so much anguish on Aeryn's face as he saw now.  
  
"I don't need..." Crais started, then dropped his eyes again. It was obvious that he was wrestling with different emotions and not doing a good job of it. An assortment of emotions were now plainly visible on "Aeryn's" visage.   
  
The urge to run was still quite strong but he wasn't sure if his legs... Aeryn's legs were steady enough not to make a fool of himself.  
  
When he looked up again, he had regained a modicum of control, "You are right, Crichton, it is not only Talyn who wants to see his mother, although that plays a strong part in it. I need to know if you and the others are all right too. Talyn scans regularly for Moya and that's why we are able to come to you when you need us. Talyn's ability to do long StarBursts is amazing. You know he..." Crais stopped himself.  
  
He looked down at the floor again and he said softly, "We miss your company too, we worry about you as well. First I made myself believe it was to keep you from the Peacekeepers, to make Aeryn happy. But that is not completely true.  
  
When we get here and know that you are all safe, that's enough for us and it makes the long time on our own bearable again."  
  
Crichton had noticed Crais speaking in the plural, "Why do you say "we" instead of "I", Crais?"   
  
Crais looked up; he had not been aware that he was doing that, "Talyn and I are linked more than you know, Crichton. When I say "we", I mean "we". These last arns without him in my mind have been... lonely. He is rarely out of my mind for long." How could he explain to Crichton that the longer he was separated from Talyn, the lonelier he felt? It was a frightening feeling.  
  
Crais got up and started pacing back and forth. Stopping in front of the observation window with his hands again clasped behind his back, he said to Crichton after a few moments, "I am Talyn's Pilot." Crichton began to interrupt, but Crais continued, "More than you know, Crichton, I am his Pilot. That is not a complaint, merely an observation, a statement of fact.   
  
We are not joined physically with cables and tubing as Moya and her pilot are joined. There is no need for that. Our mental connections have strengthened arn by arn from the first instant that our neural implant was installed.  
  
I planned better, and worse, than I knew, when I designed the Leviathan/warship project."  
  
Crais laughed, but there was little humour evident, "Do not mistake me. Talyn is like a brother and a son to me. He is my best friend, my confidant, my rock. He is an extension of myself. We are extensions of each other. I would not have things as they once were."  
  
He stopped again. Crichton watched the succession of expressions flitting across his... Aeryn's... face and was able to guess that he was mentally reviewing his past. His unexpectedly (at least to anyone else but him) exalted status as a Peacekeeper Captain. His relationship with Tauvo, whom he had managed to somehow keep in regular contact with through the cycles. How could he say that? And yet he had, and he showed no signs of taking it back.  
  
"Crichton, you taught me an Erp expression once, remember? 'Hoist by your own petard'  
  
My relationship with Talyn is more than I could ever have hoped for," he laughed mirthlessly again, "more than I ever planned, I promise you. That sounds as though it were a complaint. It isn't. Given the choice, I would never undo what I wrought in bringing Talyn into existence. But I do not think our kind -my kind- was meant to live like this..."  
  
Crichton looked at Crais sharply. Had he heard right?   
  
Crais had read his expression and his mouth curved into a wan smile, "On the positive side, I have a friend who is closer than my own shadow. The wonders I have seen through Talyn, the experience of seeing and hearing space through him are indescribable. Did you know that planets sing? That the whole of space is full of lights and sounds? The beauty of it..."  
  
Crichton was silent; he didn't want to break the reflective mood of Crais.  
  
Crais resumed pacing again, "I have been able to review my past and my future through Talyn. Something I thought I would never do. The good and the bad. We have been able to grow together. He was teaching me at the same time that I was teaching him."  
  
Crais closed his eyes for the moment to gather his thoughts, "As Peacekeepers, we are not brought up to believe in raising a family, yet our Sebacean heritage is strongly rooted in family ties. I have always known that the instinct was there, I had some experience with it before I was conscripted. Through Talyn, I have been able to experience it again."  
  
His voice grew soft, "On the downside..." he could not continue for a few microts and pinched the bridge of Aeryn's nose, more out of habit than a real headache.  
  
He resumed, "On the downside, it is a lonely existence. I have Talyn, or Talyn has me, depending on how you wish to look at it. But I have no one to interact with, no other biped to interact with. Only Talyn in my mind. The corridors on board Talyn are empty. The only sounds other than his "ship" sounds are my footsteps, or my own voice when I speak aloud to Talyn."  
  
"Then why not leave more often? Visit us, go planetside, see... people," Crichton asked.  
  
Crais had not heard him, "Yet, when I am not linked to him, I am more lonely than ever. As if part of me is ripped away."  
  
Crais looked out of the observation window, "I am by nature a solitary person. I was like that even while I was still a Peacekeeper. You would call me unsociable. But the existence I am leading now is more than that."  
  
Crais turned to Crichton, a deep sense of grief and emptiness, of *need*, written across Aeryn's features.  
  
Crichton stood up and made as if to close the remaining few feet between Crais and himself. He was so profoundly touched by the depth of emotions Crais was sharing with him and an openness that he would never expected the Sebacean to have exhibited, especially to him, that he no longer focused on his discomfort at physical proximity to the other.   
  
Crais was feeling tense. A hot flush had reached his... Aeryn's face. The emotions were playing havoc with his thinking. He wanted to cry, to be held, he wanted to scream, to run and hide.  
  
What was happening to him? He'd had full control over this body this morning, yet now it felt as if Aeryn's body was controlling him. He rubbed his... Aeryn's face with his hands.   
  
He looked at his hands, Aeryn's hands, large, capable but still quite delicate hands, and saw a small tremor in them. "Control!" he thought to himself, "Calm down!" Slowly he could feel how his mind was regaining control again.   
  
Crichton had watched his inner struggle, could almost see the order of emotions flitting over Aeryn's face. He knew them well but it was strange to watch Crais experience them.   
  
He stepped forward and touched Crais. When Aeryn's face looked up, he saw the confusion written in the dark eyes so near him.   
  
"Crichton, I apologise for this show of weakness. This display is unacceptable. Both my fate and Talyn's depend on my control of the situation; if I do not master my weaker impulses, then I endanger us both. Talyn gives me so much. It is more than enough."  
  
Crais looked away, "Apparently, this consciousness-switching has affected me as deeply as it has Officer Sun. She also is not herself." He laughed somewhat uncertainly.  
  
Crichton could hear fragments of a song running through his head, an old Peter Gabriel tune about wanting, no, *needing* contact.  
  
He heard himself say, "Crais, it's alright. We all need other people. Not only their intellectual company, not just the emotional connection, but a physical one too. How long have you sequestered yourself onboard Talyn now?  
  
How often have you allowed yourself to take a break? And just what do you do on your summer vacations?  
  
You say that you and Talyn are linked so closely. Does he understand your need to be with your own kind? What does he have to say about this?  
  
For that matter, isn't it about time he started dating? Hasn't he run into any pretty little Leviathanettes yet?"  
  
Crichton tried to smile as he was saying this, but he was becoming alarmed.  
  
Crais looked away, "I have been on Talyn a long time. I only meet others of my kind when I visit planets to re-supply or when we meet up with you and Moya. It... it is enough for me."  
  
"Like dren it is," interjected Crichton.  
  
Crais ignored his statement, "Talyn understands my need to see and speak to others of my kind and has encouraged me to go down to planets more often, but I never feel quite... right among them."  
  
"Aeryn" blushed, "Once, when we were deep in the Uncharteds, where only the remotest of Sebacean colonies are, he... ahem... changed the environmentals to drive me off of him. He told me not to come back until I... ah... had recreated to ease my tension. He stayed silent to me for a whole weeken. It was most disconcerting, but he was right."   
  
"As to other Leviathans of the female persuasion," he looked down, "they come up to him, because he is a good looking male Leviathan." The pride in Crais' voice was unmistakable. "But when they find out he is also a gunship, they shun him. I feel... sorry for him. And that's why I am reluctant to leave him on his own for too long. He needs company too."  
  
Crais fell silent.  
  
Crichton thought about this for a moment, "Crais, Talyn 'encouraged' you to take shore leave once? For a whole weeken? And you admit you enjoyed it but you haven't done that since?  
  
Don't you think that just maybe if it worked once, it might be a good idea for you to try that again? All work and no play makes the Captain...um, never mind.  
  
For that matter, you know, you're welcome here on Moya anytime. We might not be as much fun, both Aeryn and Chiana are spoken for." He couldn't stop a grin from spreading across his face as he realized that Aeryn truly was spoken for, and had spoken up herself long ago regarding her preference.  
  
"Nevertheless, Uncle Bialar's welcome here anytime."  
  
He waited for a moment for a response, but Crais still seemed to be trying to collect himself.  
  
"Crais, what about Talyn? You say that he's been striking out with the babes. That's always awkward, especially in the beginning, but do you think that you're being onboard has anything to do with that? Do you think that having dad around is hampering his style? Is he even more of a wallflower than he would be otherwise because he's conducting his social life under your watchful gaze?  
  
What do you think would be best for Talyn? I know you mean well for him, but how much of this is what you think would be best for you, and how much of this is really what would be best for him?"  
  
Crais looked up. If anything could get his attention it was the well being of Talyn. It had taken the crew on Moya a long time to realise that Crais only had good intentions towards Talyn, that he saw the youngster as his son. That his concern for Talyn was not faked. The link and the bond between the two had only strengthened over the cycles.  
  
It was obvious that Crais had never looked at it from that angle. His voice was soft, "I could have been the one blocking his happiness?" He looked out of the view port and looked over at Talyn. Guilt was written on Aeryn's features.  
  
"Maybe you are right, Crichton, maybe I should let him go off on his own for a while and see if that is what the problem is. I do not want to be the cause of his unhappiness. I will discuss this with him when we are linked again." The loneliness on Aeryn's face only deepened.  
  
Crichton walked over to him and laid a hand on Aeryn's shoulder, Crais did not pull back. "Crais, I am not saying that it definitely is the cause only that it could be the cause. You don't have to be on your own. You can stay with us. Talyn knows how to find his mother and he knows how to stay out of trouble, thanks to you.  
  
Talyn is unique in that he doesn't need a Pilot to control him. You taught him how to think independently. He'll be able to defend himself, find himself a nice Leviathanette to spend a little time together and before you know it, he'll be back," Crichton squeezed the shoulder he was holding. He felt the shoulder sag under his hand.  
  
Crais looked him in the eyes, his expression unreadable, "You are right, Crichton. He doesn't really need a Pilot. He doesn't really need me. Will he come to realise that too?" There was a twinge of fear in his voice.  
  
Crichton realised what he had just said to Crais, "Crais, you have to trust Talyn, that he will come back to you. I know it will be hard to let go for a little while, but you have to trust him!"  
  
Crais nodded and turned back to the view port, his eyes fixed on Talyn. A myriad of thoughts tumbled through his mind. Maybe Crichton was right and he should let go for a while, but the fear that Talyn would be hurt or, worse, that he wouldn't return to him, gnawed at his insides.  
  
Crichton was appalled at the sudden turn that the conversation had taken. For once, he had actually been trying to be as helpful as possible, and look what he had done!  
  
"Crais, we know how deeply you care about Talyn, and we know that he cares about you too. You've both demonstrated that often enough.  
  
Talyn once attacked his own mother to get you back.  
  
He turned himself in to the Peacekeepers to be mind wiped when you told him it was what he had to do.  
  
And the Command Carrier... he was willing to die because you asked him to.  
  
The things you two have done since then... he put himself in danger then too.  
  
You shouldn't doubt him now. He has shown often enough that he not only cares about you, but that he trusts you. Trust him, Bialar."  
  
.  
  
Part 20  
  
.  
  
Aeryn Sun entered the Observation Deck just in time to hear the end of this conversation. She saw her body facing out toward the vastness of space, saying nothing. But "her" body language was eloquent enough. She had never slumped so dejectedly in her worst moments, much less seen Crais look so beaten. Even when she had found him in the Chair cycles ago, there had still been fight left in him, as badly battered and worn down as he had been.  
  
"What's going on? Crais, are you alright?"  
  
She looked at Crichton, then went to the Sebacean. Gently she cupped her... his shoulder with her palm, and slowly turned him toward her. "What's the matter, Crais?"  
  
She looked worriedly at Crichton for an explanation.  
  
Crichton wanted desperately to put things right. Wounding Crais -something he had rarely if ever even thought possible- had been the furthest thing from his mind, "Aeryn, we were talking about things, and we started discussing Talyn and his... social shortcomings. I suggested that maybe having Crais on board complicates things.  
  
I never meant to suggest that Crais and Talyn don't belong together. I don't doubt that those two always will be like the Lone Ranger and his trusty Indian sidekick, Tonto. Well, apparently, I hit a nerve..."  
  
Aeryn let her one hand rest on the back of "her" neck, slowly raising "her" chin with the other, so that Crais and she gazed directly into each other's eyes.  
  
"Crais, in this instance, Crichton is right. You have to trust Talyn to come back to you. He trusts you to come back to him and he even chose you over his mother once. Now, trust him to come back to you."  
  
Crais' brows pinched together as he looked into Aeryn's eyes and studied his own face. Why couldn't he feel the same calm he saw now on his own features? He lowered his eyes, "I know, Aeryn, and I will discuss it with him once we are linked again. I will let him go and find himself another Leviathan to be happy with. I know he will come back."  
  
He tried to convince himself that the doubt he felt growing was totally misplaced. He had to convince himself or else Talyn would feel the doubt too and might stay and not even try to find another Leviathan, and then the doubts would start in Talyn's mind.  
  
He looked up at them. His face was calm again, "I will let him go on his own way for a while."   
  
He smiled wanly, "Does that offer still stand to take up quarters here for the time being?"  
  
Crichton was relieved that this crisis appeared to have been headed off.  
  
He placed a hand on the middle of "Aeryn's " back. "Of course it does. What would we do without our 2nd-favorite ex-Peacekeeper? It's not like there's any danger of there being no room at the inn. The 'vacancy' sign's always out on Moya." (He giggled mentally at the thought--that would sure explain a lot of their problems over the last 5 cycles.)  
  
"Crais, none of us would be here without you, and we know it. You'll always have a home here with us. Not that I expect you'll need it for all that long. I can't imagine what we could do to keep you and Talyn separated for very long even if we wanted to. Just leave him alone, and he'll come home, wagging his tail behind him."  
  
Aeryn gave the jhumon one of those looks.  
  
"Talyn doesn't wag his... Jhumon joke again." Crais dropped his eyes briefly, "Thank you, Crichton."   
  
Crichton was taken aback for a short moment. Crais saying "Thank you"? Miracles were still possible then, "Hey, it's all right, Cap'n Crunch. No need to thank me. What are friends for, eh?"  
  
Crais straightened Aeryn's back, "No, there is no need, I know, but I want to thank you nonetheless and not just for offering me a place here on board Moya, but also for suggesting a solution for Talyn."  
  
He looked out of the view port at Talyn, "We have been so closely linked together that we couldn't see anymore what was wrong. Your suggestion might help Talyn."  
  
He looked back at Aeryn, "Your decision to trade places for a short while might have its benefits after all. If it works out, I will have a happier friend." His voice grew softer, "And might even reacquaint myself with... old friends. Friends whom I did not realise I had."  
  
Aeryn looked strangely at Crais. Their body swap had made him open up more than he had to any of them, apart from Talyn, for many cycles. A smile started to spread on "Crais'" face, "Our body swap has had its benefits for me too, Crais. I had never realised what my body was capable of, pushing it to the limits. I am calmer, feel calmer. Also I feel more self-assured, and I like it. I think that in the future, I may be less inclined to assume that I am the one who is in the wrong or needs to change.   
  
Once upon a time, I presumed that of course I was the one who was correct, but the last few cycles, I have doubted myself more and more. It appears that neither extreme is desirable. I can only hope that this is a permanent effect."  
  
She paused, then asked, "Crais, I know little about Leviathan mating practices. Moya has not been approached by a male, or, for that matter, tried to attract one herself, at least as far as we know, since she first escaped.   
  
You say that Talyn has been approached by females, but that after a short time, they withdrew from him? Do you know what to expect from Leviathans in the wild?"  
  
Crais looked embarrassed, or rather, Aeryn's face was blushing, "Talyn has been approached by female Leviathans and also has approached one or two females on occasion. They like him... very much. I have always tried to keep privacy mode on when that happens. They do come close to Talyn, but after a little while, they always seem to leave."  
  
He looked out the view port, "It leaves Talyn confused. I have tried to explain to him the... uhm... workings of procreation and he seems to understand that but he is confused on how to proceed. There isn't much more that I can tell him. I don't know what is expected of him."  
  
"Aww," said Crichton, "Father Crais is trying to explain about the birds and the bees and the Leviathans, how sweet."  
  
Crais frowned, "I don't see what birds and beez have anything to do with Leviathans?"  
  
Crichton smiled, "No, you explaining to him about reproduction. Now that is something out of a horror flick."  
  
Crais had no idea what Crichton was talking about, "Crichton, I don't understand..."  
  
"Ah, that's the whole point. You don't know anything about children and adolescents. Maybe that's why Talyn is confused."  
  
Crais looked shocked...  
  
Aeryn was not amused by this sudden change in Crichton's tone.  
  
"John, what do any of us know of raising children? Is there something that I should know about your past life on Erp?  
  
We have all been children ourselves, and we have all passed through adolescence, apparently some more recently than others. That doesn't seem to be much of a help.  
  
Crais, you headed the Leviathan modification project. Surely you have knowledge of the ways of wild Leviathans?"  
  
She looked at him, and suddenly realised how foolish an assumption that was. She had been a Peacekeeper.  
  
"Pilot..."  
  
~Yes, Officer Sun...~  
  
"Could you ask Moya to talk to Talyn about the ways of Leviathans? How they find mates and how they recreate and propagate? It seems that we have a confused youngster on our hands and I have the feeling that the subject has not been brought up before between mother and child, but Talyn needs to know."  
  
Crais looked ashamed. He should have brought the matter up when Talyn started to ask him questions. It had never occurred to him to ask Moya directly for assistance. He had always assumed that at some time Talyn and Moya would discuss it together.  
  
Crichton turned to Crais and watched the mixed emotions flit over Aeryn's face, "That one of the things wrong with Peacekeepers. They don't have family ties and therefore have no idea that adolescents go through a period of finding themselves. You couldn't know, Crais, it wasn't your fault."  
  
"I should have foreseen it," Crais felt uncomfortable.  
  
"Crais, you are brilliant in many ways but you are not omniscient. How could you know about things you have never experienced yourself? As a matter of fact, I am quite impressed how you have managed to raise Talyn without knowing anything about raising children. When you boarded Talyn, he was still a child, a baby really."  
  
"Not all is..." Crais started to say...  
  
"Crais, there never was a perfect parent, or perfect child, either. It would be a mighty boring galaxy if we were all perfect. Our differences make us unique. Talyn just happens to be a little more unique than others," Crichton shrugged his shoulders.  
  
Aeryn addressed Crichton again.  
  
"Once, when you thought that I was carrying your child, you were willing to trust me even though I was born and raised in a Peacekeeper crèche.  
  
Crais at last spent his early years growing up with a real family--parents, a brother, in a Sebacean colony. He has much more experience than I do regarding what you must consider a "normal" lifestyle."  
  
She turned to Crais.   
  
"I am certain that Pilot would be willing to share what knowledge he has of Leviathan biology. He may not have direct knowledge, but I believe that his kind study Leviathans from their earliest years in the hope of someday being chosen to be joined with one. Surely he can tell you what you need to know about the subject.  
  
"Shall we visit him tomorrow and ask him to speak with us about this?"  
  
Crais just nodded and then looked at Aeryn, then glanced quickly at Crichton. He looked back at Aeryn. There was clearly something on his mind that he wanted to ask her, buthe obviously didn't want to have Crichton around for it.  
  
Aeryn rocked on Crais' feet, coughed lightly, and looked at Crichton. Crichton looked back at her and didn't get the hint immediately (or chose not to understand).  
  
Crais looked away and walked over to the window, staring outside.  
  
The frown Aeryn produced on Crais' face was almost comical. She raised the brow that Crais normally didn't, and made Crais' eyes appear bigger than they were. This also had the effect of producing a strange wrinkle above the nose. Crichton smirked, trying to keep himself from laughing. When "Crais" motioned with his head to get him to leave andthen flared "his" nostrils, he made a hasty retreat lest he burst out laughing.  
  
.  
  
Part 21  
  
.  
  
Aeryn turned back to Crais, "You wanted to speak to me in private, Crais?"  
  
As Crais turned back to Aeryn, she could see how he was trying to keep her face under control, "How are you dealing with these conflicting feelings, Aeryn?"  
  
"Conflicting feelings?" Aeryn wasn't even aware she ever had them, well not a lot anyway.  
  
Crais took a deep breath, "Your body reacts strangely to certain remarks. I can logically follow the train of thought, but your body seems to react differently to what I am feeling. At one point it... (Crais was clearly embarrassed) I... even wanted to run, to get away from it."  
  
Crais turned towards the window so he wouldn't show his embarrassment to her, "When Crichton was mentioning children... ahem... your body became all... ah... warm and... uhm... flustered. When he said that there would always be a place here on Moya, I... (cough) had to resist an urge to.. (cough-cough) uhm... hug him."  
  
He turned back to Aeryn, "Does your body always react in a contradictory way to what you are thinking?"  
  
Aeryn was confused.  
  
"Crais, why do you assume that my body's physical reactions are not in agreement with my thoughts?  
  
When Crichton thought I was carrying his child, he truly welcomed the prospect. More than that, even. He was ecstatic.   
  
We still hope that someday that will come to pass, and when it does, I will be as happy as he will.  
  
Crichton has told me a number of times that he believes I have a natural gift with children. I am not so sure, but if we survive long enough, we both intend to find out.  
  
As for your impulse to hug Crichton, perhaps that is more a matter of being used to hiding or disguising your feelings than it is a conflict between what you feel and how this body feels an instinct to react.  
  
We have all been under a great deal of strain, and that is my fault. I apologise; I never foresaw the complications that have arisen and the day isn't even over yet.  
  
I certainly never thought that you would find yourself facing this situation with Talyn. I can't imagine how distressed you must feel about being separated from him, even apart from finding yourself having to ask for "sanctuary" here with us, although that isn't really a very accurate assessment of your position this time round.  
  
I still remember the first time you came onboard Moya seeking refuge."  
  
Crais' face got a very wry look.   
  
"You probably haven't forgotten that either. But your situation is very different this time. Crais, we all know you aren't the enemy anymore, even if you and Crichton still get prickly around each other even when you both have the best intentions.  
  
Besides, even from the short time that I was connected to Talyn, I know how he feels about you. I can't imagine him being separated from you willingly except for a very short and limited time. How can you possible doubt him?"  
  
Crais sighed wearily, "You are right, Aeryn. I am so used to being in control and knowing how to control my own body and emotions that it confuses me that I cannot control your body, at least not to the extent that I do my own."  
  
He took another deep breath, "Maybe it is myself I doubt, and not Talyn. We have become very close over the cycles but I still have the feeling that I (he looked away) have failed him to some extent. He is a good... Leviathan, a good friend. I don't see him as just a ship, he's more. The thought, even if it might not be warranted, that he might want a real Pilot or won't return until many cycles have passed, keeps haunting me. It shouldn't, I know."  
  
He looked back at her and showed a thin smile, "Yes, I do remember the first time I asked for sanctuary and that no one was really willing to grant me that. Which, under the circumstances, was not surprising. After Talyn and I left and we occasionally returned, the others were never happy to see me and only tolerated my presence because of Talyn. It is not easy to shake the feeling of not belonging anywhere. Maybe I have closed my eyes to the warmer welcomes lately."  
  
He walked over to her and laid the small hand of Aeryn on his own shoulder, Aeryn's face was calm again, "We shouldn't be too morose. We should learn and enjoy from this experience. After we have switched back to our own bodies, I will have a talk with Pilot and then with Talyn. If he agrees, then I will gladly accept your offer to stay here."  
  
Aeryn looked into her own smiling face and saw that the smile reached his eyes. She leaned over, brushed his cheek lightly with "her" lips, and whispered into his ear, "Thank you, Crais."  
  
She paused just a moment, "Your friendship means more to me than I can say. I do care about you, just not in the same way that I care for John. Neither of you could replace the other."  
  
A warm smile graced Crais' countenance, and their eyes met. "Aeryn's" hand slid up to the back of "Crais'" head, and "she" touched "her" forehead to "his". They leaned against each other for a moment, each taking comfort and finding strength in the other.  
  
They both sighed nearly in unison, which provoked a bit of a laugh from each of them.  
  
Crais gazed again into his own eyes, and decided that he did not wish to tread any further onto such dangerous ground.  
  
"Aeryn, I am the one who should be thanking you. It's fortunate that you misunderstood the priest, or that he miss-stated the proposition in the way he did. I never would have agreed to this experiment, certainly not unless our lives hung in the balance, and we never would have had this experience. It appears that we all may benefit from it. Let us hope so, anyway."  
  
"Then let us agree that it appears to be working to our mutual benefit, and that neither of us owes the other."   
  
Crais thought for a moment, and then met Aeryn's gaze again. "It has been difficult just being separated from Talyn for these few arns. How will I manage over the weeks, monens, that he is gone? What if he leaves for cycles? What if he never comes back?"   
  
A haunted look came to his eyes, and he looked away...  
  
Aeryn felt great sorrow for Crais. The self-doubt the man harboured was almost too painful to watch. She placed a hand on his cheek gently and made him look at her, "Crais, don't do this to yourself. You have to believe that he will come back as I am sure he will do. Doubting yourself and him will only lead to disaster."  
  
The eyes that looked at her were filled with loneliness.  
  
"You have given each other so much over the cycles and not just only an education in return for a place to live. You have given each other companionship and unconditional love. Not the love between two lovers, but the love between a father and a son. Please, you have to believe in him... and in yourself."  
  
Crais looked down. She was right. He shouldn't doubt Talyn. Before this experience, he never had doubted him; he had always known that he would be there. But being separated from Talyn, not feeling his thoughts in his mind, not feeling his presence, suddenly made Crais realise just how quiet his mind was, and how lonely.  
  
He looked up and said softly, "I will try."  
  
Aeryn smiled back to him. She caressed him with her eyes.  
  
"Good. Because *I* don't doubt either of you." 


	7. 24 Arns, part 2227

Part 22  
  
Crais saw the trust and affection beaming out at him. It didn't matter that Aeryn's soul inhabited his body. This was the woman whom he had once been so attracted to years ago, when he had been her Captain, and she just one of his newest Prowler pilots... the woman he had sentenced to death and whom he once might actually have executed... the woman who, finding him trapped in the Aurora chair, had restarted his torture in it. The woman who had saved his life, and whose life he had saved. The woman whose mother he had killed to save her only daughter. The woman he had loved, enough to let her go free and unclaimed when he could have easily coerced her to accompany him.  
  
He realized that he really did have her love, even if it wasn't the love he had once desired from her.  
  
Valldon... sigh. Afterwards, he had in despair proposed to leave Talyn. The two of them, Crais and Talyn, had mended fences afterwards. Talyn had somehow managed to stop the cybernetic bleedback after that. When they had lain in Crais' chamber last night, Aeryn had found only the faintest of scars on his torso.  
  
.  
  
The eyes that met hers had once again regained the strength that she had wanted to experience, and Aeryn smiled. This was her Captain.  
  
When she came on board his Carrier, she had seen his covert looks, had at one time even hoped that he would summon her to his room, but it had never come to pass. She had heard that he was engrossed in the Leviathan-project and hardly had time for relaxation or, rather, hardly gave himself the time to do so.  
  
She had been shocked and hurt when he condemned her, pronounced her Irrevocably Contaminated. She had believed that her life was over. It took her a long time to realise that it had only started then. When she had discovered him in the Aurora Chair, she found a way to get back at him and hadn't even stopped to think what would happen to him. She had been so angry that she lashed out with the means so suddenly at her disposal. When he later came on board Moya, she had secretly felt relieved that he had survived the Chair.  
  
He had given her life by condemning her, and she had given him his sanity back by leaving him in the Chair. Ironic, wasn't it?  
  
He had saved them many a time even though they had always questioned his motives, right up to what everyone thought was the end. But she had seen him change, had seen him grow, and she had realised that he was a different man, even stronger than when he had been her Commander.  
  
She had seen his love for her on Valldon, and she had rejected it. It would have been easy, too easy to give in to it. She was glad that he hadn't pushed it; he had never brought up the subject again after that night.  
  
And then they had finally met up again, almost a cycle after the Command Carrier had been blown up. She would always remember the joy she had seen briefly on his features when he knew they were alive, before his calm and control was back in place. The calm and control she so envied.  
  
But even after that, he seemed to keep to himself, always giving the impression that he feared to intrude on them. Wouldn't or couldn't believe that they didn't meet him with distrust anymore. Couldn't see that they were happy to see him, and not only Talyn.  
  
Being Irrevocably Contaminated didn't seem like such a bad thing anymore. They had all come a long way.  
  
Aeryn smiled, bathed in a feeling of peace and contentment that had evaded her for a long time.  
  
In fact, the only other time she had felt like this was when she had shared those precious moments with the other Crichton on board Talyn, before DamBaDa.  
  
She found herself thinking that this was the first time that she had been able to remember those moments without feeling immersed in pain. Not that she didn't still feel some pain, she always would. If she lived as long as the oldest Sebacean ever had, she still would. But for the first time, she could face that memory without wanting to die. She could think about it, roll those memories about in her mind, taste them, and let them be.   
  
She resolved to revisit those memories again. For now, she had other things to think about.  
  
They were all Irreversibly Contaminated. She smiled, and felt that smile through and through to her very soul. Lucky them!  
  
.  
  
Crais had seen the emotions flit past his face and found that he could recognise and understand them. He had been feeling similar emotions in the last few microns.  
  
At one time, he had wanted his old life back, to be in command again, to be a Peacekeeper. But the longer he stayed away from the Corps, the better he felt. He had been able to save others and not only Moya's crew, had been able to experience what a true Peacekeeper should be.  
  
The first Cycle had been difficult. For nearly 30 cycles the Peacekeepers had been his life, had been the air he breathed. To command and be commanded. In a way life had been simple. Now, after nearly 5 cycles, he wouldn't want to have his former life back again. It was a closed book. It was time to look ahead, again, and review the situation. Rethink his path.  
  
His talk to Aeryn and his reflections had strengthened him. He had to admit to giving some credit to Crichton too, but it had been Aeryn's understanding that had helped him most.  
  
He straightened his shoulders (or rather Aeryn's), and a calm settled over his mind, which he hadn't felt for a long time. The last time he had felt this calm was when he and Talyn had resigned themselves to facing almost certain death during their StarBurst from within the Command Carrier.  
  
He had been glad for the second chance, and now it was being presented to him again. Life, in a different form this time.  
  
Crais found his memory flashing back to the last moments on the Command Carrier. Until those last moments, he had hoped fervently, but could not be entirely sure, that Talyn would not doubt him or descend into utter unreasoning panic. He could not even have blamed the Leviathan. Failure would have been his fault, not Talyn's.  
  
He had faced death often enough in his career as a Peacekeeper. Talyn had faced danger often in his short life too. But it was one thing for a sentient being to find oneself in a dangerous situation, another to knowingly and willingly take that step over the precipice, expecting by one's own action to end existence itself.  
  
Even with the joinedness they shared, which no one else understood, could ever understand (except possibly for Moya and her Pilot), in the end, it was Talyn's choice. And Talyn had chosen, had trusted Crais, in those last moments.   
  
So why was he so unsure now? Why did he have less faith in Talyn now than when they both had expected to die by their own hand in a matter of moments?  
  
Crais thought back to his own father. He had loved his father deeply, maybe even more than he had loved his little brother. He had ceaselessly worked to attain his father's approval, although he had always felt that he had failed at that task. Somehow he had never been able to be good enough, no matter how hard he tried.  
  
This had been part of why he had taken Tauvo's death so badly. Not that his brother had not been the one person whom Bialar had cared about throughout the years. Still waters run deep, and his love for Tauvo had been deep as an ocean. That Tauvo had been the only person whom Bialar allowed himself to care so deeply about had only meant that all of his emotional energy was channelled into this one stream.  
  
But Tauvo's death had also been the ultimate failure, the proof that his father had judged him correctly when he found little Bialar wanting.  
  
Was this why Crais found himself doubting himself and Talyn now? Had not Talyn proved himself already? Was Crais, in some perverse way, punishing himself for being unworthy, even if he was the only one who knew, the only one who wasn't fooled?  
  
Crais took a deep breath. He had to trust Talyn as Talyn had trusted him that day on the Command Carrier. Talyn had trusted him then, expecting they would probably die honourably, with only a slim possibility that they would come out of it alive. He had not hesitated in his actions.  
  
Crais now had to trust Talyn to return to him, and it should have been without hesitation. It was unfair to his friend not to trust him. It was unfair to his friend to deny him the chance to be happy.  
  
They had trusted each other for so long. Now his doubt that he truly had such a trusted friend was stopping Talyn from finding happiness for himself. He could not allow that to happen.  
  
.  
  
When Crais turned again to Aeryn, she could see that he had made up his mind, had worked it out, and was at peace with the solution, "As soon as I can link up with Talyn, I will tell him that I will stay on board Moya while he tries his luck finding a willing female Leviathan to spend time with on his own. I owe him that."  
  
There were tears in Aeryn's eyes and she laid a gentle hand on his cheek, "I know what this means to you, Crais, and how hard it is, too. Trust him."  
  
"I do, Aeryn," Crais' voice had a gentleness which few had ever heard, "I know he will come back once he has found his own happiness."  
  
"Neither of you will regret it."  
  
Crais nodded. He knew it was the right thing to do. He smiled at Aeryn. He would put this worry out of his mind for now; tomorrow would be soon enough to deal with it.  
  
.  
  
Part 23  
  
.  
  
As Crais smiled sadly at Aeryn, Pilot's voice came over the comms.  
  
~Excuse me, Officer Sun, Captain Crais. Ka D'Argo is requesting your presence in Moya's neural cluster. Deck 7. It appears that there is a problem with the repairs he was working on last night~  
  
As they listened to this announcement, Moya vibrated, rather like a large dog might shake while scratching to rid itself of a particularly obnoxious flea.  
  
Crais and Aeryn steadied themselves against a console, then looked at each other and shrugged.   
  
Aeryn said, "We'd better go see what the trouble is now."  
  
Crais and Aeryn reached the neural cluster in no time at all.  
  
They entered the chamber and looked around. Vapour was rising from the cluster itself and Crais covered his mouth, coughing, "She is releasing Velum vapours. We have to stop this before it reaches the rest of the ship. You go and warn the others. Distribute breathing masks."  
  
She nodded and ran out of the cluster, Crais coughed, as tears began to stream down Aeryn's face. The vapours stung his eyes. He looked about and saw the tools D'Argo had been working with the night before. He lurched towards them.  
  
Frantically, he covered his mouth with one hand while he started to search for the tool he needed. Finally, he found it. The stinging had grown worse and he blinked his eyes several times. He walked over to the side of the neural cluster and started looking for the panel, which should be near the base of the cluster.  
  
He coughed again. When he finally located the panel, he took his hand away from his face, since that was becoming less and less effective. Besides, he was going to need both hands. He sank to his knees and opened the panel.  
  
He poked around inside with the three-thronged welder until he found the faulty circuit. Either D'Argo had missed it or, more likely, it had burned through overnight. His coughing grew worse. He drew the tool satchel towards him and looked inside. He found a replacement circuit and now worked swiftly to exchange the faulty circuit with the new one.  
  
The vapour cloud stopped streaming out, and Crais closed the panel with shaking hands. Moya stopped shuddering.  
  
With a hoarse voice he addressed Pilot, "Pilot, release the excess Velum vapour into space." He coughed and doubled over, clutching the rim of the cluster while he tried to get his breath back.  
  
~I can't while you are still in the cluster Crais~  
  
"I'll be gone soon," Crais stumbled to his feet and made his way to the exit. His view was becoming distorted and he lurched, he had breathed in too much of the gas. Just a few more steps. His eyes rolled up in their sockets as Aeryn's body crashed to the floor.  
  
.  
  
Part 24  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile, Aeryn had gotten as far as the next level and a ways down a corridor before she saw D'Argo and Crichton approaching.  
  
The Luxan boomed at "Crais", "Aeryn, what the Hezmana is going wrong now? Pilot commed us about an emergency in the neural cluster, and then out of nowhere, Moya started shaking like a sick sheebath."  
  
Crichton pitched in, "Yeah, it felt like San Francisco for a while there. Hey, where's Aeryn...er Crais?" He found himself speeding from concern to the beginnings of panic in 60 microts.  
  
Aeryn traversed the rest of the distance to her shipmates. They all hung onto anything they could find as Moya gave a particularly violent lurch.  
  
"Crais is back in the neural cluster, one deck up from here. He sent me to warn you. He told me we need to get breathing masks on, said something about "Velum vapours"."  
  
Pilot's voice broke in ~Captain Crais has repaired the problem but there is still a large amount of the vapour present in the neural cluster and it is still affecting Moya. I cannot release the vapours into space until someone takes Aeryn's body out of the cluster~  
  
Crichton looked in bewilderment at Aeryn, "Captain Crais had repaired.... Aeryn's body...?" Then realisation hit him. He ran to the Neural cluster, Aeryn hot on his heels. The urgency gave her a shot of extra speed, and she overtook Crichton in his rush to the cluster.  
  
They saw Aeryn's body slumped near the exit of the Neural cluster, unconscious. Crichton knelt next to her body and cradled her in his arms, "Aeryn..."  
  
"I'm here John," said Aeryn behind him, "You're talking to Crais now, remember? We have to get him out of here fast." Moya rocked again. "Come on, John!"  
  
Aeryn grew impatient and took the initiative of lifting Aeryn off of the floor. She ran with her burden safely tucked against Crais' chest away from the cluster. She could hear Crichton's steps right behind her.  
  
She placed her own body on the floor in the next corridor. A "whoosh" behind them let them know that Moya had closed off the corridor to the Neural cluster and was releasing the vapours into space.  
  
Aeryn slapped her own face gently, "Wake up Crais, you... we are safe now."  
  
Aeryn's head lolled on her shoulders as Crais came to, "Velum... vapours... gone."  
  
"Yes, Crais, they are gone, but you have to wake up."  
  
Crais opened his eyes but found it difficult to focus on Aeryn.  
  
He slumped back into oblivion again.  
  
Aeryn was shaking his... her own body, urging him back to consciousness with every fibre of her being, as though she could call him back by sheer force of will. She found herself pleading with him, as though he were merely being contrary and was choosing to ignore her.  
  
Crichton was awash in emotions too. At his side was the consciousness of the woman he loved more than life itself. Her body, though... it lay so still, as still as death.  
  
He wracked his brain in search of any knowledge it might hold regarding the vapours.  
  
D'Argo knelt down alongside Aeryn, opposite his human friend. After a few moments, it became obvious that if Crais were going to regain consciousness, it would not likely be very soon.  
  
He gently moved Aeryn aside, and picked up the female body. Cradling it carefully, he began to carry it towards the chamber that the ex-Peacekeeper Captain had adopted as his home away from Talyn.  
  
.  
  
Part 25  
  
.  
  
Ka D'Argo stepped away from the bed after he lowered Aeryn's form onto the bed. Her skin was almost transparent and a small sheen of sweat had appeared on her brow.  
  
Aeryn addressed Pilot, "Pilot, what can we do to help Crais?"  
  
~Terek oil will ease his symptoms and will help him regain consciousness. He will be weak for at least an arn afterwards~  
  
Aeryn jumped up from the bed and looked around Medical for Terek oil frantically. The others, seeing the urgency in her actions, started looking for it too.  
  
Crichton, who still hadn't learned to read Sebacean, walked up to her, "What's the hurry? Well, apart from it being your body."  
  
"Crais" shot him an angry glance. It was uncanny how she resembled Crais when she was angry, especially in his body, "The Velum vapours stop Moya from becoming over-anxious when she gets too excited. In bipeds it will send them into a coma if it is not treated in time. It's not only that I'm worried that it is my body that it is happening to. I'm also concerned about what it could do to Crais' mind."  
  
A whoop from Chiana made them all look up, "I think I've found it!" She held up a small bottle. She undid the top and made a face. "Eww, this stinks enough to wake the dead," She passed the bottle to Aeryn.  
  
Aeryn took the bottle and hurried back to Crais. She lifted her own body by the shoulders off of the bed, the head lolling weakly on her shoulders. She brought the bottle to "her" lips and let Crais drink it.  
  
Chiana made a face, "Are you sure he has to drink that? If the taste is anything like the smell, I wouldn't want to drink it. It's even worse than one of Rygel's farts."  
  
Aeryn ignored her outburst and continued administering the antidote. Finally, the oil seemed to take effect, and Crais moaned weakly.  
  
His eyes fluttered open for a moment, and he groaned. Then, as "Aeryn's" head slowly slid down onto "Crais'" chest, he once again lost consciousness.   
  
The good news was that his breathing eased, and the sweat, which had begun to pour down, seemed to stop too. Altogether, he gave the impression that his condition was beginning to improve.   
  
All assembled watched and waited to see what would happen next. After several microns, the recumbent figure roused again. Crais tried to raise "his" head, and struggled to sit up. In a somewhat ragged and unsteady voice he said "I will recover" after which he promptly passed out again.  
  
Crichton let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding, "When is he going to understand he's not Superman? Especially while he's in a girl's body."  
  
"Crais" looked at him, Aeryn's usual quizzical lines appeared on Crais' face, "Who is this Zooperman?"  
  
"He is someone who jumps over high building, flies in the air, beats baddies and stops trains. Your overall good guy."  
  
D'Argo chuckled, "That doesn't sound like Crais at all."  
  
"But he thinks he's invincible. He acts as though he believes he's Superman."  
  
"I don't think he has ever met this Zooperman," said Aeryn offhandedly, "but I like the idea of an overall good guy." She looked at the sleeping figure of... herself and saw that the face had finally relaxed in rest and that the sweating had stopped, "He's right though, he will recover."  
  
"But how about you, Aeryn," asked John, "will your body recover?"  
  
"As Crais says, I will recover."  
  
It was strange to see the gentleness with which "Crais" dabbed at Aeryn's forehead with a wet cloth Rygel had handed over. Crichton had a weird vision of Crais loving Aeryn in a way that he had only ever envisioned himself doing. The gentleness in his former adversary seemed alien to Crichton, and yet he believed that had the real Bialar Crais been in his own body, he would still display the same feelings that were on his face now.  
  
Aeryn addressed Pilot, "How long will it be before we know he's all right, Pilot?"  
  
~Depending on how much he has breathed of the vapours, the first signs should be visible soon. Alas, he has breathed in a fair amount. His bio-readings seem to be improving, Aeryn. I should not worry too much but all we can do now is be patient, and wait to see how he progresses~  
  
Pilot added: ~It certainly was brave of Captain Crais to act so forthrightly. He did not hesitate to immediately take the necessary steps to save Moya even at risk to his own life. Indeed, all of you would have been put in grave danger by the Velum vapour~  
  
~Moya wishes me to express her thanks to Captain Crais for his prompt action~  
  
"I will tell him that, Pilot, when he regains consciousness," Aeryn looked down and tears appeared in her eyes.  
  
"It was your life too he was gambling with, Aeryn, not just his own."  
  
"I don't think he stopped to consider that, John. As Pilot said, we could all have been in danger if he hadn't acted quickly."  
  
"Still, it might be easier with someone else's body..."  
  
"Crais" jumped up, anger flaring in Aeryn's eyes, which were fixed on Crichton, "I think I understand why he doesn't want to stay here, the way you keep making those inane remarks. That man just risked his life for us... again and all you can think of is that he did it because he was in MY body. He would have done it in his own body, that's why he sent me away. Even if my body and his mind died, I would still be alive and Talyn would still have a Pilot."  
  
She balled Crais' fists, and Crichton was wary of what they might do if she got any madder at him, "Sorry Aeryn, I just can't seem to help myself when it comes to the good Captain here. I don't know why he gets to me like that. I'm not usually this unreasonable..."  
  
Chiana grinned and popped up, "Yeah, old man, you're the soul of reason. Why, I remember..."  
  
D'Argo growled, "Chiana..."  
  
"Well, remember the time, oh, frell, where do I even start?" There was the time that..."  
  
"Enough, Chiana. John, you do seem to have a peculiar blind spot when it comes to Crais."  
  
Crichton was about to protest that he wasn't *that* unreasonable about all things Crais when those assembled heard another moan.  
  
They fixed their attention on the subject of their conversation once again, and watched as "Aeryn" moved her hand to rub at her brow. She once again tried to sit up, and promptly fell back unconscious a second time.  
  
"Crais" stood by the bedside looking first at Crichton, then at the passed out Sebacean. Well, at least one of them wasn't arguing.  
  
"Men!", she muttered.  
  
"Aeryn, I am truly sorry about what I said about Crais. You have to believe me. It's just that he... No, it's just that I... I don't know. It is almost like two bulls in the ring. In the meadow they will eat peacefully together,but put them in the ring, and they'll fight together. That's how it is with me and Crais."  
  
Aeryn looked at Crichton, and Crais' eyes narrowed into slits, "That is no excuse, John, and you know it. It is utter dren! Even when Crais doesn't say anything or is courteous to you, you lay in on him. So, don't give me that innocent look."  
  
Just then a third moan was issued from the bed. Aeryn tuned back to Crais. Crais tried to focus on Aeryn but his eye kept roaming away. "All safe?" he asked hoarsely.  
  
Aeryn took his...her hand in Crais' big hands and smiled at him, "Yes, Crais, we are all safe. Pilot says that Moya thanks you for saving her."  
  
Crais nodded, "Was no other way... had to be done quickly... hope your body... is still all right."  
  
"It will be. You rest now Crais," she said.  
  
He nodded and passed promptly into what appeared to be a normal sleep. Aeryn stood up and looked at Crichton, who promptly looked away, unable to meet her stare.  
  
"You're right, as usual, Aeryn. Look, what can I do to try to make it up to you... and him?" as he nodded toward the figure lying on the bed.   
  
"Well, for a start, you can try at least treating him with the same courtesy you would afford a stranger, even if you can't find it in you to treat him as a friend."   
  
Aeryn paused, and said more gently, "We should let him get some rest. Why don't we meet back in the galley in a bit? I think I'd like to stay with Crais for a few more microns and make sure that he's resting comfortably. Why don't I meet you there in about a quarter arn?"  
  
Crichton nodded and ushered the others out, glad that he had got off so lightly. He left Crais' room.  
  
.  
  
Part 26  
  
.  
  
Aeryn sat down next to Crais and rested her chin on her hands, she wasn't sure if he heard her, probably not, "You are a strange man Bialar Crais. You still manage to surprise us. Still sacrificing yourself. I hope that sometime you will find a life too. Someone to be with. Someone to share your thoughts with. You shouldn't be on your own."  
  
She had taken his hand again. Her hand felt strange under Crais' skin almost delicate and still the muscle was clearly felt.  
  
"I... we care for you a lot, even if you don't believe us. Probably don't want to, like John. He doesn't want to believe that you have changed in all those cycles. But I believe in you Crais."  
  
To her surprise she felt own his hand squeeze hers lightly. She looked at his face it was totally at rest. It was most likely just an involuntary action. She smiled. "Men!" She murmured to herself.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll just sit here for a bit, and see if things stay quiet for a bit."  
  
Aeryn sat down on the edge of the bed, and watched for any sign either that her body was regaining consciousness or was showing signs of a relapse. It -Crais- just lay there, showing no indication of either.  
  
He looked so peaceful--innocent, even. The moody, stormy, volatile Captain was nowhere in evidence. What had Crichton called him once? "Cranky?" Not now.  
  
After about 15 microns, she decided it was probably safe to let Crais sleep off the remaining effects of this little adventure. She got up, and stood at the bed for a moment gazing at the body lying there.   
  
Funny, it was her body, but her first thought every time she looked at it was that of course it was Crais.  
  
She bent over, and kissed the forehead gently, then turned to leave the room.  
  
As she walked out, she could hear a slight noise coming from the bed Crais was sleeping on. She turned around and saw him slowly open his eyes. She moved quickly to his side again.  
  
There was no mistake. He was awake and he was following her with his eyes. His dark eyes, which could turn to thunder within microts or gaze upon her gently, as he was doing now.  
  
She smiled at him and took his hand in hers. His grip wasn't strong, "How are you feeling, Crais?"  
  
"Better," he croaked, his voice still hoarse from the Velum vapours.  
  
She got up and brought him some water, cradling her body in her hands as she helped Crais drink slowly. He lay back after taking a few sips.  
  
"Pilot had told us you would be out for some time, guess he was wrong."  
  
"Guess he was wrong," repeated Crais hoarsely, "How's Moya?"  
  
"She is all right, thanks to you. She sends her best wishes and thanks you."  
  
He nodded. For a brief moment, his eyes blinked slowly as if they were having trouble focusing, "I'm glad she's all right."  
  
"How did you know what to do?" Aeryn was puzzled.  
  
"Happened to Talyn once. I had a breather mask on then. I'm surprised you don't keep breather masks at the Neural cluster. Most logical place for them to be. Most emergencies in the cluster seem to be of a vaporous nature." It was clear that he was making an effort to stay awake.  
  
"I will keep that in mind, Crais. Why don't you get some rest? I'll stay with you if you want me to," she said with concern.  
  
He weakly shook his head, "You don't have to watch over me, Aeryn. I will be all right. I'll take my rest and you join the others. There is no need to stay."  
  
Aeryn looked at him. She wanted to stay, if only to make him feel that he wasn't alone. He had had more than enough of that. It was time that he was shown there were people here for him, with him.  
  
"No, Crais, I will stay. You're not alone."  
  
Was there a glint of gratitude in his eyes? She couldn't be sure, but his hand gave hers a small squeeze. His eyes closed and his breathing eased. His hand was still resting in hers.  
  
Aeryn relaxed on the bed once more. Still holding her... his hand, she commed the galley.  
  
"There's been a slight change in plans. I'm going to stay here for a while yet. I'll be up with you later."  
  
Crichton responded, "Aeryn, is everything all right back there? Do you need help?"  
  
"No, everything's fine. It's just that Crais is still weak enough that I'd rather not leave him alone just yet. He seems to be resting comfortably, but I'd rather not take any chances."  
  
Pilot jumped into the conversation.   
  
~Captain Crais appears to have received the antidote in time, but exposure to Velum vapour can easily be fatal~  
  
"All right, Aeryn, but yell out if you need anything. In fact, I think maybe I'll bring over some of that fruit juice Chiana discovered..."  
  
"That won't be necessary, John. I'll meet you in the galley before mealtime."  
  
.  
  
Part 27  
  
.  
  
Crichton had just been having a heart to heart with D'Argo before Aeryn interrupted.  
  
D'Argo laid a hand on Crichton's shoulder, "Don't worry John, he'll... she'll be fine. They both will be. Trust me."  
  
Crichton sat down again, "I have been a jerk. If Aeryn is going to kick me to Hezmana, I can't blame her. Crais saved us and all I could think of was what the effect would be on Aeryn's body afterwards. I can understand why she would be mad with me."  
  
Chiana sat opposite him, "Hey, I can understand it. You love her and when you saw her body all weak and... unconscious, of course you were worried for her. And I can understand that you were mad with Crais for putting her in that situation."  
  
"But I don't think Crais even stopped to think he was still in Aeryn's body. As always, he just reacted to a situation," said Rygel.  
  
"I know," answered Crichton quietly, "Still... Why can't I just bring him a fruit juice?"  
  
Rygel brought his hover throne close to Crichton, "You have to trust them. If you go in there now, then you will be behaving like a... jerk. It would show her that you don't trust her with Crais. He's resting now. She's concerned for him. Leave them be." His eyebrows were twitching in agitation.  
  
Crichton had to admit that the little Dominar was probably right. No, he was definitely right.  
  
So now he was having to take advice about his love life from Buckwheat? How bad was that!  
  
Still he had his doubts. For Cycles he had believed that Crais had "plans" for Aeryn. It was not something he could shake that easily, and yet...  
  
The conversations of the last few arns had made him come to understand many things. Aeryn loved him. Crais loved her as a Sister. Although the last one was a bit hazy because it was not your normal brother/sister-love but those of the Peacekeepers. Or was it Sebacean? His mind was a bit muddled on that point.  
  
And Crais was alone. What they had believed to be a preferred state of mind was more like an enforced state of mind. One Crais had imposed on himself. Was it a search for Redemption?  
  
Crichton kicked himself mentally. Whatever Crais' reasons behind it, it was more honourable than Crichton had imagined and by doubting it, he made himself look like the biggest jerk in the whole of the frelling universe.  
  
Crichton looked up at the little green Hynerian.  
  
"Ok, Rygel, you win. I wrote to "Dear Sparky", and I'll take my medicine like a big boy."  
  
The Hynerian backed his anti-grav sled away a bit; his face held a self-satisfied smile, "You'll see, Crichton, it's the intelligent way to handle this." In a much lower undertone, he muttered something about that being why it was up to him to make the recommendation.   
  
The human yelled out, "Hey, Pilot, as long as we're just sitting around enjoying our fruit juice, is there anything we should know about these valium vapours?"  
  
Pilot's disembodied voice said in a slightly irritated and exasperated tone, ~They're Velum vapours, Crichton!~  
  
The human cracked a grin, "Yeah, that's what you think. Anyway, what more can you tell us about these vapours?  
  
~Well Velum vapours are part of a Leviathan's higher functions~ intoned Pilot as if he was speaking to children, ~It is needed when the Leviathan becomes over-active. The vapours are normally released quite naturally into the nexus. It was only when the connections within the cluster were somehow breached that it become a danger to the crew~  
  
Pilot paused for a moment, ~If untreated, or if not treated in time, it affects the brain first and then the body. The brain slips into a coma and if left to breathe even more of the vapours it will, eventually, affect the nerves~  
  
~Crais has inhaled a fair amount but luckily the antidote was given quickly. His mind and Aeryn's body will be safe and will fully recover~  
  
"Thank you Pilot," replied Crichton, "How's Crais by the way?"  
  
~Resting. He regained consciousness for a brief period and is now asleep and resting~  
  
Crichton continued to quiz Pilot about the valium...Velum vapour.  
  
"Does the vapour mean that anything else is wrong with Moya? Or is this just like Rygel's little helium problem? Is there a reason that Moya's stress levels are higher than they should be?"  
  
That got D'Argo's attention, and he waited for Pilot's reply with interest.  
  
Pilot answered a little testily, ~Moya is functioning perfectly, Commander. She is only a little upset with the plight of young Talyn. It distresses her that he is withouthis Pilot at the moment. The Velum vapours should not cause any further problems. There is nothing you need to be concerned about~  
  
Crichton tried to placate Pilot, "I didn't mean to offend you, or Moya, I was only concerned that there might something else wrong with Moya."  
  
~There is nothing wrong~ replied Pilot again, ~In a normal situation, Moya suffers no discomfort from it. However, because of the bad connection, too much of the vapour was being released. If it hadn't been fixed promptly, it could effectively have killed us and probably Moya too~  
  
"Alright, Pilot. I just didn't want Moya to be in distress if we could do something to help her. Please tell her that.  
  
As far as Talyn's "pilot", we'll get Crais back in touch with Talyn as soon as we can, believe me."  
  
Crichton looked around at the others in the galley. He thought of asking about how Talyn was taking being separated from his Pilot, but suddenly decided that maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea. Crais had seemed very concerned about broaching the subject of Talyn's love life with him. For once, Crichton managed to avoid putting foot in mouth. Let Crais have his heart to heart with the little gunship. God knows those two seemed to have an understanding of each other that no one else seemed able to manage with either of them.  
  
Pilot responded, somewhat mollified ~Moya understands that you mean well, Commander. So do I. We just would not want to let you down, or have you needlessly concerned for our welfare~  
  
"Thank you Pilot. We only had yours and Moya's best interest at heart," replied Crichton.  
  
~We understand~ said Pilot.  
  
Crichton looked at the others, "You sure we shouldn't be checking on Aeryn and Crais?"  
  
"Crichton!" Rygel said with force, "They are all right. If they are not, they will tell us and call for us. Relax."  
  
Crichton crossed his hands and tried to look patient. That lasted for almost five microns. His tapping on the table with his hands and then his low humming of some unknown tune finally got to the others and they left him sitting on his own in the galley. 


	8. 24 Arns, part 2831

Part 28  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile in Crais' room, Aeryn watched as her body finally stirred. She sat up straighter, waiting for Crais to fully swim back up to consciousness.  
  
She couldn't help smiling fondly. Such a mass of contradictions! So dear to her.  
  
As Crais' eyes finally opened, she gave her...his hand a squeeze and asked, "How are you feeling?" She loosened her grip, but continued to hold his hand, massaging it lightly.  
  
After a brief moment, he focused on her, and returned her smile.  
  
"Much better, Officer Sun."  
  
A small pause, and he added, as much to himself as to her, "We're alone?"  
  
He rearranged himself slightly on the bed, raising himself up to a nearly sitting position. He still looked very tired.  
  
"The others are waiting for us in the galley, but there's no great rush. If you wish, I can leave in a bit, and bring you back something to eat. You should get your rest, after what you've just been through."  
  
Crais answered her, "I would like to eat something, later. I could do with some water at the moment."  
  
She handed him the glass of water and he drank of it thirstily. He smiled at her, "I apologise if I do not return your body in a better shape than when you left it."  
  
"You did what was necessary, Crais."  
  
He nodded and stared at his glass, "Your body should be fine. I can't feel traces of the toxins remaining, just a general tiredness which should pass soon."  
  
"That should be all right Crais, don't worry..." Aeryn started.  
  
"I should have remembered I was not in my own body," Crais said with a frown, "I didn't and thereby jeopardised you in the process."  
  
"Moya's problem warranted quick thinking. You did that, and thereby saved us."  
  
"Still..." He lay back again, "Thank you for staying."  
  
Her eyes grew softer and her voice gentler, "It was my pleasure, Crais. You don't have to be alone, however much you want us to believe that." She remembered how his hand had held onto hers when he slipped into sleep. Not a grip but a gentle search for contact.  
  
His smile was shy. She liked the softening of his mood. It was rare that she... any of them ever saw that. She had noticed that the same look came over him while he Talyn were conversing with each other. They had a bond which none of the others could understand nor generally tried very hard to understand.  
  
And then she remembered his face, his whole demeanour when he had been forced to shut down Talyn's higher functions to save the youngster from himself. The grief and loneliness had almost been palpable.  
  
Afterwards, when she and Crichton had been alone, Crichton had told her that he thought that Crais had put on a display for their benefit. She knew better.  
  
It must be terrible for Crais at this moment to be separated from the one he considered his only friend, yet he faced it bravely.  
  
Crais' eyes continued to meet hers, but there was no challenge or threat in them.  
  
"Aeryn, I know that these last arns are putting a strain on your relationship with Crichton. I did not intend that. I have tried to, as the Human might say, mind my own business, when I have been aboard Moya. I regret any difficulty that my presence has caused you."  
  
"Crais, any so called difficulties that Crichton and I have experienced have been my fault, not yours.  
  
For that matter, Crichton is far from blameless.  
  
Don't worry. You have always acted much more honourably toward me than John has ever been able to give you credit for. He has to see that, sooner or later. This nonsense has gone on long enough."  
  
"If I do take up the offer to stay on Moya while Talyn goes off on his own (he struggled to control a renewed sense of near panic as he faced this prospect again), do you really believe that the others will truly accept my presence?"  
  
As he asked this question, he heard a voice shouting from some deep recess of his mind, *What if he doesn't come back? What if he leaves me here forever?* It took all of his will to ignore those questions, and to keep his attention focused on the woman sitting beside him.  
  
Aeryn smiled at Crais, "Yes, they will accept your presence. We just have to get used to you being here for longer than a Solar day. We have to get used to you not slinking back off to Talyn."  
  
He winced, "I don't slink..."  
  
"Yes you do. You normally stay long enough to exchange information, have a repast, maybe even stay over for a night before you move back to Talyn."  
  
"I don't want to be in the way of everyone."  
  
Aeryn's smile softened, "You are not, Crais, believe me. I know you find it hard to believe, especially when the others are having their fun, but we have come to look forward to your visits. I know you like to keep to yourself and that the others sometimes see that as sulky, but they'll get used to it."  
  
Crais took a deep breath. The prospect of staying on board Moya with hardly a place to be alone was daunting and yet he also felt a longing. The little voice gnawed at the back of his head "no Talyn to find refuge on*.  
  
Aeryn guessed the reason for his silence and laid a hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, Crais. He'll be back, and happier, too."  
  
Crais did not feel as confident of this as Aeryn was, but most of him -the better part of him- did not see that there was very much he was going to be able to do about it.  
  
It occurred to him that he and Talyn enjoyed (he was suddenly startled to realize that maybe endured was sometimes the more accurate description) an emotional feedback between each other. How had he affected Talyn? Just how much had his social inhibitions reflected themselves in the Leviathan's behaviour?   
  
The question of how much Talyn's social backwardness had affected his own behaviour skittered through his psyche, but he resolutely did his best to ignore that whole issue.  
  
"Let us hope you are correct, Aeryn. In any case, I owe it to Talyn to give him the opportunity to go out on his own."  
  
Aeryn could not help seeing the worry in his eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed and took her own hand in hers, "Crais I know you are apprehensive about what is about to happen. But it will be better for both of you. He will be happier to have mated and you will be happier knowing that you do not have to live alone."  
  
The panic was back in Crais' eyes. He knew that his present condition due to the Velum vapours might be the cause of this. His body... Aeryn's body still felt weak and it was affecting his judgement. He tried to rationalise it but failed, "I know Aeryn. It is what I keep telling myself. But what if Talyn runs into trouble? Or into a fight with too many ships to handle or..."  
  
"Crais! Stop doing this to yourself. Stop tormenting yourself with situations, which will probably never happen. He'll be fine. Believe in him and yourself."  
  
She noticed a small sheen of sweat on his... her brow. "You are still not well and maybe the effect of the vapour has blown this all out of proportion." She dabbed his forehead with a damp cloth.  
  
Crais brought a hand up to his brow and sank lower down onto the bed. "Perhaps you are right but..."  
  
"No "buts", you rest a little while longer. I will not leave you on your own."  
  
Crais could hear the sense in this. He lay back down and closed his eyes for a moment, or so he thought.   
  
Aeryn was not surprised to observe that he was almost immediately asleep again. Good. It was probably the best thing for him.  
  
Aeryn sat in the chair near the bed and observed her own form and the man inside. She remembered what Crais had said about his link with Talyn. She wondered how strongly the two were linked and how much were Crais' thoughts and how much Talyn's.  
  
Crais had only rarely displayed signs of panic; it was so out of character. On the other hand, Talyn was more prone to it, though he normally had Crais' calming influence to help him get over it.  
  
Yet, when it came to a short separation from Talyn, Crais was irrationally worried. This was not Crais' normal emotional pattern. A frown appeared on "Crais'" brow.  
  
If... when Crais came on board Moya, they would have to watch him closely for a little while. He might display his worries openly and he would hate that, she knew that too, but when he did, he might become a bit too testy. Not a good prospect if left unchecked...  
  
She leaned back in her chair, and while she worried about her friend and former Commander, she drifted off to sleep.  
  
.  
  
Part 29  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile Crichton had gotten tired of sitting alone in the galley with nothing to do.  
  
He occasionally still teased Aeryn about the regular -sometimes it seemed almost constant-maintenance she performed on her prowler.   
  
Truth to tell, he also was in the habit of using the Farscape 1 module's hangar bay as a refuge when the stress of life at this end of the galaxy became too overwhelming, and he needed some time alone.  
  
He decided that he might as well occupy himself with something useful, such as the modifications that he and Aeryn had started installing to the module's long range scanning system. He snorted at that idea. As though what his ship had now could even properly be called a long range scanning system. Even he had slowly, albeit reluctantly, come round to admitting the worst shortcomings of the Farscape mod.  
  
He remembered the first cycle or so that he had spent on Moya. The derision that greeted his ship had not been laced with affectionate teasing then. The others had seemed honestly horrified and a bit bewildered that any sentient would willingly trust life and limb to the primitive, crude (to them, and he would have frelling near died before admitting it, but now in many ways, even to him) vessel.  
  
He pulled open the panel that he and Aeryn had been working behind just yesterday, and realized that he hadn't brought over the testing device needed for the next step.   
  
He called for the DRD he'd named "Blue" so long ago. It, along with 1812, had a personal relationship with Crichton that astounded the others on Moya. His friends had a hard enough time in the beginning treating Moya and her Pilot as "equals". For the longest time, they had been unable to decide whether the human's attitude toward the DRDs had been a sign of an intellectual or mental defect.  
  
As he waited for the DRD to bring him the equipment, he called out, "Hey, Pilot, any word from Aeryn yet? How are things going in Crais' room?"  
  
Pilot answered ~Both Captain Crais and Aeryn are asleep, Commander. They are resting at the moment. Captain Crais seems to be doing better~  
  
"That's good to hear, Pilot. How's Talyn?"  
  
Pilot was quiet for a moment, ~He misses Captain Crais and is worried about him. He knows that the Captain will be in touch with him soon and has accepted this. Moya and I have kept him updated. He... understands~  
  
"Thank you Pilot."  
  
~You're welcome Commander~  
  
Crichton waited for the DRD's. Yes, they had finally told Talyn what had happened but they had forgotten that the little gunship and Crais shared a strong bond. Had forgotten that Talyn was not just a ship but a worried youngster too. It was so easy to forget. At least Pilot had kept him informed. God knows what Talyn might do if he wasn't kept updated.  
  
Blue bumped his foot, trying to draw attention, "Sorry, Blue, I was lost in thought."  
  
The DRD bleeped happily and lifted one of his maintenance tentacles to give him his device. "Thank you blue." The little DRD scuttled off.  
  
Crichton straightened up, tapping the device on his hand. Yet, he treated the little DRD's almost as sentient beings. Why did he keep forgetting that the Leviathans were sentient too? More sentient even?  
  
He placed the testing device in his ship and headed for Crais' room. He had to talk to Aeryn... and Crais.  
  
.  
  
As Crichton neared the entrance to the chamber, he slowed down. He wanted to know whether either Aeryn or Crais, or both, had reawakened. He was ashamed to admit it, but if the two occupants were involved in a discussion, he wanted to hear what he could of it before he interrupted them.  
  
He heard absolutely nothing other than the same hums, beeps and murmurs that one always heard aboard Moya. After all, she was a living ship.  
  
He peeked into the room. Crais was either sound asleep or once again passed out on the bed. Crichton could not help staring at the female figure, which somehow even now was still obviously essentially the ex-Peacekeeper captain, not the woman he loved beyond hope.  
  
He couldn't help thinking that he had never seen Crais look so peaceful, so *innocent*. (Had he been his alter ego, the other-John Crichton, he would have recognized the same look, from a time onboard Talyn when the captain had donated engrams in an attempt to stabilize the little Leviathan.) Somehow, he knew that the explanation was not merely that Crais' consciousness was residing in his lover's body.  
  
Crais' body sprawled in a chair next to the bed. Just by its position, it gave the impression that it had collapsed in exhaustion, partly physical, in part mental and emotional.  
  
Yet they both looked so at peace.  
  
The human found that he did not wish to awaken either of them. He sat down on the floor nearby, leaning back against a chamber wall. He resorted to one of his favourite positions, drawing his knees up against his chest and folding his arms around them. He closed his eyes briefly also, so that he could rest for just a moment.  
  
.  
  
Part 30  
  
.  
  
A couple of arns passed before Crais stirred awake. For a brief moment he was disoriented and it bothered him. His Peacekeeper training had taught him to be instantly alert when waking up or even before waking up. It had kept him alive while he was a Peacekeeper and he had kept up the practise. Then he remembered. The Velum vapours and his talk to Aeryn.  
  
He looked to his side and saw his own sleeping form in the chair next to the bed. Aeryn needed her sleep too. He watched his own form asleep. Not many were given the opportunity to look at oneself while being unaware of it.  
  
Aeryn had curled up in the chair, her head resting on one arm, which was propped up on the armrest. Crais smiled, his body looked... feminine in that position. Somehow Aeryn had been able to establish some of her movements on his body.  
  
Crais looked around the room and thought he could see the top of Crichton's short hair just at the edge of the bed. He shifted position slightly and seeing Crichton asleep it confirmed it.  
  
He got up without making a sound. It had been a practise he had developed over many cycles. There were not many people who could hear him approach, unless he wanted to. His stealth had kept many young cadets on their toes. Unless you saw the Captain approach you never knew when he was there.  
  
He left both Aeryn and Crichton asleep while he left the room. Outside he had to lean against the bulkhead momentarily but then pushed off to the workout area he had preserved for himself. He wanted to purge Aeryn's system as soon as possible of any remaining vapours and going through the Srrrt'tgh was one of the fastest ways to do so.  
  
Even in his weakened state, Crais managed to make his way down the corridor to his practice area without disturbing Aeryn or the Human.   
  
.  
  
At first, his progress had been slow and a bit unsteady. The further he travelled on, however, the more recovered he felt. He would concentrate on a slow, careful, but precise rendition of the srrt'tgh. The ritual was renowned for being not only physically, but spiritually cleansing.  
  
He set himself up to begin the rite. The first stage was easy. He shed his clothes to the bare essentials. Had he been in his own body he would have taken his shirt off too but being that he wasn't he left it on, just in case someone walked in on him.  
  
First he expelled as much breath as he could in explosive gasps. He went to the next stage when he started to feel light-headed. Then he performed the Panthak-regime at such extreme slowness that each muscle could be felt to strain. He went through all 55 positions, using almost every muscle in the body.  
  
Instead in speeding up he sat down cross-legged at the last movement, his back straight and took deep short breaths, then expelled it fast. Slowly his mind started to calm down and he closed his eyes, becoming aware of every part of his... Aeryn's body. Could almost feel each droplet of blood run through his body. It was time to now review his mind and moving all thoughts to the recesses of his mind, while his body prepared itself for the next stage. As he sat very still, he emptied all thoughts from his mind. As he did, he began to feel the tensions that had been building up so unbearably start to melt away. He relaxed as only those trained in the highest spiritual forms of the martial arts could do.  
  
Rather than feeling drained either physically or emotionally, a deep sense of peace came over him. He bathed himself in that luxurious sense of tranquillity, of rightness. All of the muscles, which might otherwise have begun to feel abused instead relaxed, and he felt physically refreshed and invigorated.  
  
The relaxation sent him into a dreamy, euphoric state. His breathing became deep, his heart rate became almost too slow to measure.  
  
.  
  
In the meantime Crichton had woken up and had noticed the empty bed. Aeryn was still asleep, the poor girl. Crais could only be in one place. His strides brought him quickly to Crais' workout area.  
  
Crichton looked through the window inside the room and saw Aeryn... Crais sit on the floor. His body strangely rigid and at the same time relaxed. He found it difficult to explain.  
  
He entered and walked over to Crais. He was hardly breathing and it looked as if he was unconscious. Crichton's hand moved to Crais' shoulder, to touch him.  
  
Crais reached over... the movement was almost a blur... and, grabbing Crichton's arms, pulled him down onto the floor with a thump.   
  
Crichton crash landed next to the body of Aeryn, not seriously hurt, but dazed.  
  
Crais seemed to rouse at this. He "came to", eyes flickering, attention focused on the Human at his side. He somewhat idly studied the figure, so nearly Sebacean in form.   
  
Crais, however, had enough experience with Crichton to be well aware just how alien he was.  
  
"Aeryn" sat back and Crais replied calmly, "I apologise but one should not interrupt someone in their meditation." He tried to link body and mind again. He was still a bit dazed.  
  
"Crais, it almost looked as if you had a stroke, were dead. Meeting your maker in the sky. I was only trying to..."  
  
"..help," concluded Crais, "No I wasn't dead I was meditating. It is dangerous to interrupt someone in the Srrr'gh. I could have killed you."  
  
"Yeah, you're right there," Crichton rubbed his arms, he could still feel Crais' strength flowing through Aeryn's body, "Next time put a sign on the door. Do not disturb."  
  
"I will keep that in mind Crichton," Crais aid and stood up, "Maybe you want to help me with the last stages."  
  
Crichton frowned "And that is?"  
  
Crais smiled at the Human.  
  
He found himself enjoying Crichton's confusion. On the other hand, he supposed the Human gained points for once for trying to be concerned and helpful.  
  
Crichton continued to look at him, waiting for an explanation of what would be expected of him.   
  
Crais decided that it would be unworthy of him to toy with the Human any longer.  
  
"I will explain while we go," said Crais, "I can finish the Srrr'gh on my own but it is better performed with two. You will have to mirror my moves. You think you are up for it Crichton?"  
  
Crichton remembered the blur-like movements he had seen in the morning, "I'm not sure..."  
  
"We will start slowly," said Crais helpfully, "If it will go too fast for you at any stage, you will just step away and I will conclude it myself."  
  
"Ill give it a try," replied Crichton.  
  
Crais smiled and "Aeryn" moved about a couple of paces away from Crichton.  
  
He closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind as much was possible.  
  
Crichton thought, "Now that is what I call slow."  
  
When Crais reopened his eyes they were slightly dazed. He started to go through the first movements very slowly. Crichton had no trouble keeping up in the early stages. It reminded Crichton of the Tai Chi dance on Earth.  
  
Crais sped up the pace now, performing the same series of exercises but at a more rapid pace. An observer would have noticed no difference in the precision of his movements.  
  
Crichton, however, was another story. He did his best to follow the Sebacean's lead, but found himself struggling to manage a clumsy approximation of the movements. To his credit, he did not give up; he did his best to follow along. He devoted every bit of his concentration to this; later on, he would mentally compare the exercise to the tai chi that he had seen his sister Olivia practice some years ago.   
  
After the second set was completed, Crais began one last repetition of the movements. Within moments, Crichton found himself hopelessly lost and nearly in a tangle of limbs on the floor. He stepped back and watched the graceful and powerful dance that Crais performed.  
  
Crais had been happy that Crichton could stay part of the distance with him but he had seen some of the clumsy movements out of the corner of his eyes. He did not let it break his concentration and when Crichton had fallen on the floor Crais neatly sidestepped him.  
  
His concentration grew deeper and his movements became almost a blur, yet they were still the same movements of attack and defence with slight variations but only one versed in the discipline would have noticed it.  
  
Never before had Crichton seen Aeryn move so fast and he realised that Crais must have held back his strength and fighting expertise when he either fought Aeryn or himself.  
  
He wouldn't be surprised if Crais could run at a wall, walk a few paced on it and then summersault back on his feet.  
  
Finally Crais slowed his movements until he came to a complete standstill. He was barely out of breath but a fine sheet of sweat had formed over Aeryn's body.  
  
When he walked up to Crichton he was breathing easier and his rigid posture was back. He laid a hand on Crichton's shoulder, "Thank you for trying to keep up with me as long as you could. Aeryn's body should be fine now."  
  
Crais turned and pick up the towel to dry himself. He turned to Crichton and extended a hand toward the Human.  
  
"It seems that in the near future I am likely to find myself spending an extended period on Moya. I thank you for your invitation.  
  
Perhaps I can offer you something in return. If either you or Aeryn wish, it would be my pleasure to teach you the sshr'gh. It is not only revered by Sebaceans as the purest form of martial art; it also benefits both one's spiritual and physical health.  
  
There is no shame in your failure to complete the exercise. For one who is not trained, you actually did quite well to follow for as long as you did. You showed natural aptitude as well as physical ability."  
  
Crichton was surprised by Crais' praise. Not only was he not used to hearing it from Crais directed to him, the man was just sparse in giving praise, apart to Talyn, to anyone at any given time. "Ah... well...Thank you," stammered Crichton.  
  
"Your welcome," said Crais offhandedly while he was towelling the sweat off Aeryn's body. He walked to the refresher.  
  
"Uhm... where are you going Crais?"  
  
"To refresh myself. You don't want Aeryn to come back into a smelly body?"  
  
"No but..."  
  
"I will not look Crichton. Will that satisfy you," Crais asked wary.  
  
"Sorry Crais, didn't mean that. I just..."  
  
"I understand Crichton. I won't be long." Crais walked off, leaving a confused John Crichton.  
  
.  
  
Part 31  
  
He came back shortly and Aeryn's face looked flustered, Crais said, "Shall we go to my room? I assume that Aeryn is still resting there."  
  
Crichton looked closely at Crais. He thought that something about Crais seemed odd, but he wasn't sure what exactly what was going on, and he didn't want to start a new round of hostility and misunderstanding.   
  
"Sure, Crais. I left Aeryn asleep. She's been through the mill, and I didn't want to disturb her."  
  
The Human continued to direct occasional sidelong glances at Crais as they left the hangar and started to make their way down the corridor. He was trying very hard not to be conspicuous about it.  
  
Crais had noticed the sideway glances Crichton was giving him. Finally he stopped walking and turned to Crichton, "What is wrong Crichton? You look as if I have sprouted three horns on the top of my head."  
  
"No, it's just that... Forget what I said."  
  
"You haven't said anything Crichton. Is there something wrong with Aeryn's body?" Crais was worried now.  
  
"You don't feel odd?"  
  
"No, other than.... No, I feel all right. Why? Should I feel strange?"  
  
"No, it's just that... well, the expression on your face...I was just wondering if you were feeling any differently yet.   
  
"I know it hasn't been a full 24 arns yet since the change, but I guess none of us knows quite what to expect. These priests of Lachmon--do you really think they were straight with Aeryn? Do you think they'll keep their word?"  
  
"Crichton, none of us know that. I admit that I would never have made the agreement with them that Aeryn did. However, since I have left Peacekeeper ranks, I have seen many things that have surprised me. I am no longer sure what I should expect of these priests.  
  
Once upon a time, I would have...well, this is not once upon a time.  
  
It was shocking to me that Aeryn trusted this man. I cannot explain why she would have done such a thing."  
  
Now it was Crais giving Crichton the sidelong look.  
  
"However, I have generally found Aeryn's judgement and instincts to be worth heeding. I am willing to wait out this solar day and see what befalls. It will be time enough tomorrow to consider our next step."  
  
Crichton stopped Crais in his progress to his room by stepping in front of him and placing a hand on his shoulder. Crais looked at it and a raised eyebrow appeared on Aeryn's features. Out of habit Crichton dropped his hand.  
  
He smiled sheepishly, "Once I told you that you hadn't changed and for a long time I believed that. I'm not so sure anymore. You have changed much. And I am not only talking about you and Aeryn swapping bodies."  
  
Crais kept his eyebrow raised, his head slightly canted, was there something like an amused smile showing through? It must have been a trick of the light, when Crichton looked closer the smile was gone.  
  
Crichton continued, "The Crais I knew would still believe that others were inferior species, would think that I was an inferior species and would probably only come to our aid if it suited his plans."  
  
For a brief moment a sparkle of anger burned in the dark eyes but as quickly as the smile had disappeared so it was with the sparkle. "You really believed I only rescued you and the others all this time for my own purposes? You might have been right to some point but it had become second in my thoughts whenever I raised the issue to myself and now that priority is completely gone. You forget I am linked to Talyn? His foremost thought was to safeguard his mother and to do so he had to safe those on her."  
  
Crais' dark eyes locked onto Crichton's, "At some point, quite early on as a matter of fact, Talyn's and my goals merged. I had... have turned to the old Codec of the Peacekeepers, before it became twisted and corrupted by the New breed of Peacekeepers. You and Moya are part of my... our vow of protection."  
  
This time the amusement was unmistakable, "Yes, I have changed Crichton but maybe not in the way you think I have changed. I am a Peacekeeper as a Peacekeeper was supposed to have been. I live by my own Codec now, as it should have been. Will you despise me for that?"  
  
Crichton did not know if he was more surprised by the answer, or by the question. He was even more surprised to find that he accepted Crais' answer as the truth.  
  
He had not been witness to the struggles between Crais, Talyn and the others when they were separated from Moya before the destruction of the Command Carrier, it was the 'other' John Crichton who had. Afterwards, Crais and Talyn had visited Moya, but only occasionally. They tended not to stay very long, and even then, Crais himself had shown a real talent for disappearing back to Talyn long before the youngster was ready to leave his mother's side.  
  
This explanation, however, fit perfectly into the tales Talyn had told Moya and Pilot, some of which had been relayed to everyone onboard the mother Leviathan.  
  
Crichton found himself suddenly face to face with a Bialar Crais unlike any that he had ever encountered before, and not because of the physical form he was wearing.  
  
As he thought this, he heard a little voice at the back of his mind say, *Johnny Boy, now that's not exactly true.* 


	9. 24 Arns, part 3234

Part 32  
  
.  
  
He flashed back to his meeting with this man shortly before the Command Carrier was destroyed. He had been astounded then at the Bialar Crais he had faced, the ex-Peacekeeper Captain who had spoken so matter-of-factly about the horrors the universe faced if Peacekeepers -his own kind- gained control of such a monstrous weapon. The man who, even though he had somehow managed to cheat death, had most certainly been willing to meet it face to face.   
  
When, some time later, Talyn had reappeared somewhat the worse for wear but alive and with his Sebacean pilot still alive too, Crichton had felt strangely cheated as well as confirmed in his earlier judgement. *See, he didn't really mean to die to save the known universe. He had something up his sleeve as usual. I was right the first time*   
  
He had felt both relieved, and disappointed. He hadn't been able to decide which he felt more ashamed of.  
  
Then had started the stories of rescues of people in terrible danger, of entire colonies sometimes. On a few occasions, those stories had been confirmed on the streets of various commerce planets they had visited on supply runs. They spoke of the mysterious Captain and his even more mysterious ship, but Moya and her people had not a doubt in their mind who those stories were really about.  
  
It took only seconds for these thoughts, and more, to run through Crichton's head.  
  
.  
  
"No, Crais, how could I? How could any of us? Although you're playing a dangerous game there.  
  
"You might be the most honourable of men (whew! Where did that thought come from?) but if Sebaceans are anything like humans, it can be a tough row to hoe to resist temptation. Some of the worst excesses that my kind ever committed originated with worthy intentions that went terribly wrong.   
  
It's like you said before when you were explaining about the priests of Lachmon--either from their side, or from the Peacekeeper point of view."  
  
Crais cocked an eyebrow at Crichton, "I am well aware of the dangers that come with power. I am well aware that the need to tell others what is best for them is inherent in us all. I have had experience first hand. And I have made it my Vow not to fall into that trap again. In my rise to power I lost my brother, even before you ran into him. My rise had been construed to keep him safe and where did it get him? I have lost more to ambition than you will ever know Crichton. I will not make that mistake again. Rest assured."  
  
Crichton realised one thing, if nothing else, Crais' Vow was sacred to him. He said nothing and listened to what Crais further had to say.  
  
Aeryn started pacing, five steps to the wall, five steps back but the way she paced was characteristically Crais', "It is also one of the reasons no one knows our names. Partly because Talyn and I still don't feel safe from the Peacekeepers and want to stay "dead" in their eyes. Partly because I don't want to hear our... my name hailed through the Uncharted Territories."  
  
He looked up, "Part of the temptation is to hear your name reverberate in praise wherever you go. Obscurity offers more than protection. Protection against one's self is the best safeguard."  
  
"Yes, sometimes I have thought to raise the Peacekeepers again, as they should have been but I also realise it is fraught with danger of history repeating itself."  
  
Crichton was astounded by what he was hearing, but could not detect a false note in Crais' entire conversation. In fact, he almost got the impression that the Sebacean was directing his speech as much now to himself as to the human.  
  
"You know, Bialar, I've caused a lot of death and misery since I travelled through that first wormhole and found myself on this side of the universe, but your brother was a special case.  
  
I mean, he was the first person whose death I was ever responsible for. Never mind that I didn't mean to cause it, couldn't have done anything to prevent it, totally didn't have the power to undo it. It...he...was still on my conscience, and in a way that the others never were.   
  
I don't even know how many deaths I've caused. I stopped trying to count a long time ago. I couldn't keep track anymore if I wanted to."  
  
Crichton looked away for a moment. "And I don't want to."  
  
Crais hesitated for a microt before responding: "You were responsible for his death. But so was he. So was I. There is no way to untangle these things.  
  
I long ago faced that. When I told you long ago that I no longer blamed you, no longer held you responsible, I meant it.  
  
As to the other deaths on your conscience, you can neither ever hope to accurately count their number, nor balance those scales. How many have you saved? The ramifications of your actions down the years are unknowable.   
  
You can only do what you think best now, and leave the rest be."  
  
They stood for a few microts, alternately looking at each other, and then away.  
  
.  
  
Crais broke the silence. "I believe that we were on our way to my room to check on Officer Sun's condition. Shall we?"  
  
Crichton nodded and soon they entered the room. Crais found Aeryn asleep in the same position he had left her in and absent-mindedly Crais wondered if his body would have a crick in the neck when it woke up. Exercise would take care of that.  
  
Aeryn woke up when the two approached her. She smiled at them in her half awake state. Then her eyes opened wide when she saw herself standing in front of her. She looked at them and to the bed as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.  
  
"Crais you are up!"  
  
"So it seems."  
  
"Are you feeling better?"  
  
"Much better!"  
  
"It must be that gggghah!-thingy he was doing," said Crichton helpfully.  
  
"Shrrr'gh," Crais corrected him, "Yes, it did help purging the vapour and getting the body back in shape."  
  
"Thank you Crais."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"Can we skip with the Mutual Appreciation Society," said Crichton while he received two sets of raised eyebrows, "What's the game plan?"  
  
Crais looked at Aeryn and back at Crichton, he took up his normal Captaincy-stance. Crichton still couldn't accept to see Crais' mannerisms expertly performed by Aeryn.  
  
Crais said, "First we get out bodies back. Then I will speak to Talyn. I will let him go an find a female Leviathan and during that time I will stay on board Moya." He had said it calmly as if it was the most natural thing to do.  
  
"You're willing to let Talyn go?"  
  
"For a brief time, yes."  
  
"What happens if Talyn doesn't come back?"  
  
The ghost of death was visible on "Aeryn's" face and the real Aeryn could almost kick Crichton.  
  
Crais felt the rising tide of panic, but ruthlessly squelched the voice that nibbled at the edges of his mind.  
  
With a visible effort, he managed to compose himself, although the effort it took him to do so was painfully apparent to all.  
  
"Talyn is a sentient being. He is not a thing that I own. He is my comrade, my friend."  
  
Crais' eyes locked with Crichton's, "He will be my judge. No one else."   
  
After a short pause: "I will accept whatever verdict he hands down."  
  
Crais felt weaker than he had at any time since the destruction of the Command Carrier. He sank down onto the bed.  
  
Aeryn sat beside him on the bed, "Frell, Crais, you are not recovered yet. You rest." She glared at Crichton.  
  
Crais shook Aeryn's head, "I am all right. It's just a passing weakness." He admitted to himself that he had never been able to cope with strong emotions that well and that his temper had been renown. The emotion of losing Talyn was just something that was very hard to bear. Normally performing the Shrr'gh helped him get his bearings, get his mind in order, it had not worked this time.  
  
For all his bravado, the thought of losing Talyn permanently was a drain on him. Aeryn had already helped convince him that Talyn would come back and he had drawn strength from it but now the doubts were back.  
  
"Hey, Crais, I didn't mean to imply that Talyn doesn't come back. I am sure that he will but..."  
  
Aeryn growled at him, "John, shut up!"  
  
"I was only trying to..."  
  
Crais stood up abruptly from the bed and without saying anything had brushed past Crichton and left his room.  
  
.  
  
Part 33  
  
.  
  
Crichton looked stunned, "What have I done?"  
  
Aeryn looked at him and echoed him. "Yes, Crichton, what have you done?"  
  
The look she gave him contained equal shares of disbelief and disgust.  
  
"You really didn't even mean to bait him, did you? Much less wound him in what may be his only vulnerable spot. What do you call it? His chilly heel?"  
  
The look that the human gave her only confirmed this.  
  
"Aww, Aeryn, isn't he overreacting, at least a little?  
  
"Do you seriously think that Talyn is just going to wander off and leave him here forever? Not that it wouldn't be our luck..."  
  
He watched the ever more exasperated look on "her" face.  
  
"Come on, don't you think Crais is going just a little bit overboard with this? You've been joined to Talyn. Would it be your guess that our Boy Wonder is just going to up and leave Batman in the lurch?  
  
"We never could keep those two separated, and they've only grown closer and closer together as far as I can see."   
  
Aeryn responded: "That may be, but you know that Talyn is Crais' weak spot. Remember earlier, when you accused Crais of always... I believe that "twisting the knife" is how you referred to it. Well, what about you? Don't you take every opportunity to do the same?"  
  
"But Aeryn, you know I don't mean it." His voice, and then his gaze, trailed away.   
  
"It's 'Achilles' heel'"  
  
Aeryn glared at him, "No, of course you didn't mean it. You just won't let it drop. Crais just made the decision to let Talyn find a mate of his own, in the belief that he stands in the way of Talyn's happiness. It was a hard decision for him."  
  
"But we know it is better for Talyn..."  
  
"Yes, and Crais realises this..."  
  
"So, what's the problem?"  
  
"Talyn and Crais have never been separated for a long period of time from each other. This experience will be traumatic for both of them. They depend on each other in more ways then we or even they realise. You did not feel the anxiety of Talyn when earlier in the day he could not "feel" Crais anymore. They will understand that a short separation will be to their benefit, the actual execution of the plan will hurt them both."  
  
"Still think it is an overreaction on Crais' part," shrugged Crichton, "Hey, the two will be reunited soon enough. After Talyn has found a little girlfriend to make hay with. Crais just wants attention."  
  
"Aeryn's" nostrils flared, "You know Crais despises to have attention drawn to him. You really don't understand, do you John?"  
  
Crichton cocked his head and sneered.  
  
"Let me put it this way," Aeryn dropped her voice to an angry whisper, "Suppose I said to you that I was going to leave with Crais on Talyn for an indefinite period, maybe even cycles but I will come back, eventually or maybe not. How would you feel?"  
  
"That's different," Crichton squirmed. He was uncomfortable with the way the conversation was turning. He looked up at her, "This is just a hypothesis, isn't it? You're not really thinking..."  
  
"I might," she said with conviction.  
  
"But baby..." Crichton squirmed visibly now.  
  
"Now you feel a little how Crais feels, think about it John," she stood up and made for the door.  
  
.  
  
Crichton could not believe how the conversation had turned, and how quickly. He truly had not meant to seriously wound Crais -he would never have even thought he could- just to tease him a little.  
  
How tangled together could three people's emotional lives possibly be?  
  
The image that Aeryn had implanted into his mind -of her leaving with Crais promising to return "someday"- shook Crichton. He could not help reliving how badly things had gone after the destruction of the Command Carrier.  
  
Aeryn had left Moya for a lengthy period afterwards. He would never forget her telling him that she could not bear to stay and lose John Crichton a second time. Those were some of the worst moments of his life, rivalling the torture that Scorpius had put him through, even though this pain had been emotional rather than physical.  
  
He had never forgotten the pain, and the months of wondering what had happened to her -had she left him to go and meet up with Crais?- then the seemingly endless period of reconciliation after her eventual return.  
  
Crichton hung his head in shame. Aeryn had hit the nail right on the head. Her words made him realise what he had just done to Crais. He could now understand the pain and the anguish he had piled on Crais' head by his comments, whether he had done it deliberately or not.  
  
Talyn was to Crais as Aeryn was to him, maybe even more so. He lifted his head and saw "Crais" leaning against the doorjamb, his arms akimbo and the blue eyes observing him.  
  
"Sorry, Aeryn I do understand what you're saying."  
  
"It is not me you should apologise to or try and comfort. You have hurt him. If you want to make amends, talk to Crais."  
  
"What can I say?"  
  
"I leave that to you John. You have such a way with words."  
  
"But Aeryn..."  
  
Aeryn turned and progressed at a quick and determined pace down a corridor, completely ignoring the Human's very existence.   
  
.  
  
Part 34  
  
.  
  
Crichton decided that it might be better to let her go for the moment. *One crisis at a time*, he thought.  
  
He started off to search for Crais. He headed first in the direction of the hangar again (he was beginning to think of it as the "Bialar Crais Memorial GGGrgh-gr Whatever Hangar).  
  
Halfway there, he stopped. No, that wasn't where he should look to find the Sebacean. *Lets see, if I were a Crais, where would I be?*  
  
He turned around and headed for Crais' bed chamber. When he reached the entrance, he noted the soft glow of lighting, although he heard not a sound.  
  
He was about to just stick his head past the surface that functioned as a door, and then thought better. He cleared his throat, knocked on the "door", and waited. No answer, no sound at all.  
  
After a few moments, he knocked again, and peeked gingerly in.  
  
"Yo, Crais..."  
  
He saw the Captain, the thought quickly ran through his head that Crais still was very much a captain, only now he was Captain of a very unique Leviathan rather than a standard issue Peacekeeper Command Carrier.  
  
The Captain in question was seated on the edge of his bed, cradling his neural transponder in both hands -graceful, long female hands now- slowly, almost idly caressing it. He seemed utterly lost in thought, although he could hardly have failed to hear Crichton's call.  
  
Crichton tried again, "Yo, Crais, I came to apologise."  
  
Crais still did not acknowledge his presence, he was deep in thought or appeared to be so.  
  
Crichton stepped closer, "What I said earlier... I didn't mean to... well... I had not realised you would take it so hard."  
  
Crais kept silent.  
  
"Hey, don't worry, your boy will return. I'm sure of that. You two are like two peas in a pod. What I said..."  
  
"I heard what you said Crichton," Crais' voice was soft, calm, "and I know there will be a high probability that he will return to me after he has... uhm... found a mate."  
  
Crichton grinned, "See. Once you look at it, its not so bad."  
  
"I also realise that he might be gone for a long time and might not even come back," a visible shudder went through Aeryn's frame.  
  
"Crais don't go that route, man. You have to stay positive. He will return, you'll see," worry creased Crichton's face when he looked down at the bend head of Aeryn. Crais had not once looked up.  
  
"No, I have to consider the other option too and if that happens, then so be it. He is a Leviathan, a living creature. He should be free," Crais swallowed deeply, "He is also my friend and companion. I love him like a... son. If he needs to go away I should let him go. I have no right to stop him. I will leave the choice to him." His shoulders sagged.  
  
It was a difficult realisation but Crais knew that he loved Talyn as a parent loves his child and for that would accept that he would one day go away. It still hurt to admit that.  
  
Crichton sat next to Crais on the bed and laid a hand on his shoulder...  
  
That got no reaction from the Sebacean either way, which worried Crichton even more. The gesture was meant to comfort, but Crichton would have understood even if Crais had shrugged his hand off his shoulder, or, heaven help him, reacted more physically.   
  
It occurred to Crichton that not only would he not be likely to avoid damage if Crais took physical exception to him, but that he himself was not likely to be able to make himself fight back.  
  
What was he supposed to do? Haul off and slug the woman he loved? It was her body that he was seeing.  
  
He wasn't interested in getting into a physical fight anyway. He really hadn't meant to seriously upset Crais.  
  
"Well, it is a parent's job to raise the children entrusted to their care so that they're able to function on their own, and then to let them go. Although I've known more than one set of parents who've complained (more jokingly than not, of course), that they can't seem to get rid of their kids... they keep coming back like bad pennies."  
  
Crais looked at the Human in a combination of disgust and disbelief.  
  
"Do not these so-called parents treasure their offspring?"  
  
"Of course they do, Crais. But it's a parent's job to raise their children, and then let them go. The fact that their children can go off on their own is proof that they succeeded in the most important role they'll probably ever have.  
  
"Don't Sebaceans do the same thing? They must...oh. You were the oldest, and you left your family when you were still very young. You probably didn't get to see a lot of that, did you?  
  
"Well, it is normal. It's the right thing. Ees they're job. That's not to say that kids, no matter how old they are, aren't likely to consider their parents' home to be their home too for life, no matter how old they are."  
  
Crichton grinned. "You know, pop over without warning, complain about how the new curtains Mom put up in their old bedroom are too frilly, raid the fridge and leave bowls with left-over popcorn all over, take over the TV in the living room and sit up till the middle of the night watching 'The Thing From Outer Space'. "  
  
He still was getting barely a reaction. He turned more serious, utterly serious.  
  
"You know what else, Crais? If something ever happened that you were permanently separated from Talyn, you really would have a home with us, for as long as you could stand us, not just till we could find a place to dump you.  
  
What D'Argo said earlier about us being there for you. He meant it, and he spoke for all of us.  
  
Not that that's going to happen...Talyn abandoning you, I mean. No way."  
  
Crichton didn't know it yet, but Aeryn had made her way to the chamber too, and was listening to every word. 


	10. 24 Arns, part 3537

Part 35  
  
.  
  
She too was worried about Crais' reaction or rather lack thereof. Some of what Crichton had said had not made sense to her, like popcohn and telvision. It would have been the sort of words Crais would have reacted to as well, out of sheer curiosity.  
  
Yet, Crais had not reacted. He hadn't looked up, he had just turned over the transponder in his hands. She... They had not realised how much Crais really cared for Talyn. How close they had bonded. They knew he was he was getting closer to Talyn with each passing cycle. They had notice that more than often Crais would say "we" instead of "I" but they had written it off as a speech pattern inherent to Crais when speaking about the youngster and himself.  
  
But never could they imagine that Crais saw himself as part of the youngster. Taking Talyn away would be like cutting off a part of Crais.  
  
They had seen Crais slip into madness and come out of it, that had taken a long time. They had experienced his deviousness and it had taken them a long time to see it, yet he overcame that too. They had seen his courage and his willingness to sacrifice himself, it had stayed with him.  
  
This was different. Crichton's remark had sent him spiralling into despair. They had to quench this fast or it might be too late to drag him out of it. She could not allow that to happen.  
  
She moved into the room and sat next to Crais.  
  
"Crais" lifted "Aeryn's" head with a gentleness and consideration that almost made Crichton jealous. Crais was now forced to look in Aeryn's eyes and she felt sadness wash over her when she looked at those haunted tormented eyes.  
  
"Crais you can't let this happen to you. Do not sink into depression for something that might never happen. You are strong and if it becomes too much for you to bear on your own, we will be there for you. You are not alone, even when Talyn is away."  
  
Crais tried to move his head away, the only reaction but she held a firm grip on his chin and he couldn't look away, He was embarrassed for his show of emotion and he closed his eyes.  
  
Anger gripped Aeryn when she saw his reluctance to accept. The scowl appeared on Crais' brow, "Crais, frell, you're stronger than this. You've been through worse."  
  
"You lost your life... twice, when you were taken as a child from your home and everything you knew, and later when you had the courage to walk away from your command.   
  
Yes, we know that your life was forfeit if you didn't, but that still wouldn't have been enough for some people. It still required the courage to leave everything you knew and start all over again, alone and with nothing.  
  
You've managed to get past the death of your brother.   
  
"Well, this time, no one is dying. You aren't losing everything, and you're not going to be alone"... she smiled as she quipped..."even though there will probably be times that you'll wish you were."  
  
Crichton jumped in, "Too bad, Crais. You'll just have to learn to deal with it, and with us. We're your family now, like it or not. You know how they say you can't pick your relatives... well, maybe not.  
  
"Anyway, we're you're friends too. Doesn't matter if we all have our prickly moments. We deal with them. We've had enough of them among ourselves. Probably wouldn't have the connections with each other that we do, if we didn't go through the bad times as well as the good.  
  
I'll bet that Talyn is going to have as hard a time separating for a while from you, too. But you wouldn't really want him tied to your apron strings all his life, would you?"   
  
Both Sebaceans turned to look at the Human.  
  
"What? What now?"  
  
Aeryn shook her head and Crais frowned, "What are apron strings?"  
  
Crichton laughed relieved, "What was it that got your attention, Crais? We have tried almost everything we could throw at you and no reaction. What did the trick?"  
  
Crais stood up from the bed, a calm had settled over Aeryn's features. Somehow he had regained his mental equilibrium or at least gave the appearance to have done so. He turned to Aeryn, "You are right Aeryn, Talyn needs my strength to go and be... happy not my weakness. He will be upset as it is. He needs to find some happiness of his own making. If I weaken, he will feel this through the link. I will not allow this to happen."  
  
Aeryn stood up and laid her hand on his shoulder, she looked into his dark eyes and saw the strength of his conviction, "I know you are doing the right thing Crais." She squeezed his shoulder. He straightened the shoulders.  
  
"I would like to be alone for a little while," said Crais.  
  
"You are not going to..." started Crichton.  
  
"No," replied Crais, "I just need to be alone for a moment."  
  
Crichton stood up, "Well, you know..."  
  
Aeryn almost propelled Crichton out of the room, which was easier with Crais' strength guiding her hands.  
  
.  
  
Once outside Crichton turned to her and said in a loud whisper, "What about his own happiness? Is that what it all boils down to? First it was Tauvo he had to be strong for and now Talyn. Hey, he might not be high on my list of preferred wedding guests, well... maybe he is but that's besides the point... but isn't it time that he looked for some own happiness?"  
  
"John, Crais knows what is right for Talyn... and for him. If this is the way he can deal with it, then let him. Don't try and undermine that thought again. He will have a hard enough time once Talyn will be gone. Don't make it harder on him than it already is."  
  
"Yes, but you know, we all have our own needs. Sometimes we have to sacrifice, but it isn't natural to always sacrifice your needs either... or healthy.  
  
"Haven't you ever wondered what Crais' life was like before Tauvo's death?"  
  
"Crichton, I was there! He was Captain of a Command Carrier. He commanded a force of over 50,000--men, women, and children. He led, he was obeyed, he was feared."  
  
"Was he loved?"  
  
Aeryn turned to stare at Crichton. "Why would that matter? I mean, of course he recreated, had relationships..." Her voice faded away.  
  
"The ogre we saw on the chip? The one who ordered the death of Moya's first pilot? The one who arrested Velorek? The conscript turned Captain?   
  
"What was the reaction of your average Peacekeeper to him before he made good? And what about after that? Did anyone but Tauvo get to him? Did he let them? Would anyone have tried?"  
  
"Was it better or worse for him that he knew there were other possibilities, other ways to live?"  
  
Aeryn shook her head sadly, "We don't know John. Crais did have a reputation." She looked away and frowned.  
  
They had walked further down the corridor but even so she kept her voice to a near whisper, "Yes the ogre we saw on the chip was Crais as well. You have to understand, Crais was a true Peacekeeper, we all were."  
  
She leaned against the bulkhead, "Crais was ruthless in his execution of his work and totally obsessed with the Leviathan project. He was a harsh taskmaster. Drove his crew to the limits and beyond but he did that to himself as well. They knew he allowed them to make a mistake twice, the third time would mean a harsh punishment."  
  
"Your average Mr Nice Guy," sneered Crichton.  
  
Aeryn ignored his remark, "On the other hand, when someone did well or went beyond the call of duty the rewards were big. And it was no use taking the credit of someone else. He knew. Crais ran a tight ship. With strict rules and we all obeyed him. His temper was renowned and he didn't make a distinction when someone stepped over the line. High or low. The only exception might have been Tauvo but even he knew he couldn't push his brother too far."  
  
She pushed herself away from the wall and walked further down the corridor, "One day, a little while after he took Command, he noticed bruises on a Tech's face and she had to confirm that she had been forced to recreate against her wishes. He found out who had done this. They had been Officers. Their punishment was harsh, painful and I doubt if they would have been able to produce offspring after that. Nobody dared it again under his command."  
  
"Ouch," said Crichton, "Don't really know what to think of that but is nice to know that he had a set of rules which was alike for everyone."  
  
"Crais didn't fraternise with anyone, high or low. Mostly ate in his quarters on his own or with his brother. Quite a few of the female crew had their designs on him but none of them ever seemed to make much of an impression on him. Well, not as far as was generally known, anyway.   
  
He was known to have recreated. If he hadn't at all, that would have been a subject of conversation itself. But he didn't seem to participate often, and he didn't seem to have a favourite, regular partner either. Crichton, what are you getting at?"  
  
Crichton looked at her, "I'm just wondering if Crais knows the true meaning of love, of caring or is this thing with Talyn just an obsession with him? Like his career had been or his brother."  
  
Aeryn's eyes grew dark, "You don't understand what it is like to be a Peacekeeper, especially like Crais and Tauvo, conscripts. Conscripts have the added burden of emotion as a child. To show any of that and you're dead meat. They... we, for I am guilty as well, treated conscripts like things. They weren't people, they weren't true breds. If any of them showed emotion or cried, we made life hell for them. Some became tough, like Crais must have done, others cracked. Some committed suicide."  
  
She sighed, "Maybe Crais loved Tauvo like an obsession. He was their only link to their past and maybe he loves Talyn as an obsession too, his only link to the future. Yes, I believe that Crais knows what love is. He just might not know how to express himself."  
  
"Even I, whose life had been made easier as a true bred found it difficult to adept here on Moya in the beginning. And Crais had no one to help him with that. He only had Talyn and Talyn was very young, still is in many ways."  
  
She looked at him and shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"Whatever his past experience, all he can do now is to go forward and build upon what he knows.  
  
"I had to become...more. I could no longer live as I once did, as I was once happy to. I tried to explain this to Henta."  
  
Aeryn smiled sadly.  
  
"We've all been challenged. We've all grown. D'Argo, Chiana, even Rygel is much improved."  
  
Crichton glanced backward toward the chamber. "Well, we can all try to be there for him. We were there... here... for each other, although we've all sometimes made it more difficult than it needed to be.  
  
I notice that you didn't include me in that list of the much improved."  
  
Aeryn tried to smother a grin. "Well, you too, perhaps. With some species, it's more difficult to tell than with others."  
  
She laughed outright and picked up her pace down the corridor. Crichton followed her, suddenly in a much-improved mood at least.  
  
.  
  
Part 36  
  
.  
  
Crais heard their laughter disappear down the corridor and part of him longed to be included in it.  
  
He lay back on the bed and stared at Moya's ceiling. He was convincing himself of his intended action. Knew it was the right thing to do and the best option for Talyn. The nagging fear was still there, he knew he would not shake it that easily but the words of the others had rung true.  
  
Talyn and he had grown so much closer together since that time that they had become Ship and Captain. The first two Cycles had not been easy for either of them. Crais had learned to talk, reason and coerce Talyn in taking his commands. He had stopped ordering the youngster about. Talyn now knew that if Crais reverted back to ordering him he did so with a reason.  
  
Talyn had learned from Crais, reluctantly at times but now their thoughts flew as one. Talyn's instability was cured and it was beneficial to both.  
  
In the last cycles their thoughts had become as one. That's how they saw themselves. Talyn had not been the mindless creature Crais had first believed him to be so. Talyn was complex, curious and Crais had revelled in the imparting of knowledge.  
  
Crais had grown with Talyn, experiencing the new wonders through Talyn's eyes and both had been in awe when they saw the universe emerge. Crais saw the universe as Talyn did, in colours and sounds. He saw the universe different too. Living planets emanated sounds. The sheer beauty of it.  
  
Yes, they had grown, together. The anxiety of losing his friend, companion and... son filled Crais with dread but it had to done. Talyn deserved his piece of happiness. He would be back. The way they had grown together strengthened their link. Talyn would be back, his doubts started to dissolve.  
  
Crais wasn't even aware that he was slipping once more into a light sleep.  
  
.  
  
He suddenly jerked back into wakefulness, and looked around.  
  
He was disoriented and had completely lost track of time. It didn't happen often and luckily the spell was of a passing kind.  
  
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and automatically touched the place where the transponder should have been to disconnect privacy mode. It was a habit. He dropped his hand, stood up and walked over to the refresher, shedding Aeryn's clothes while walking up there.  
  
Before stepping into the stall he looked at himself... Aeryn in the mirror. His hand went up to his face, felt the smooth skin. Fine hair under his fingertips instead of the prickly sensation that was his beard.  
  
It was strange to see his dark eyes look back at him from Aeryn's face. He touched the eyebrows. Straight and soft, less hair. The lips, almost like his own, thinner.  
  
He resisted the urge to look further, past his collarbone. He had promised not to explore the rest of her, he kept to his promise and stepped under the cleaning sprays of the refresher. He enjoyed how the sprays touched his body. It was so different from his own.  
  
Ten microns later he stepped out and towelled himself dry. He dressed quickly and bound his hair in a queue. Her hair, though straight, was more unruly to be wrapped in the leather thong than his own. He had expected differently.  
  
.  
  
Part 37  
  
.  
  
Crais left the room and made his way down various corridors to Pilot's control chamber. He slowly approached the creature, examining it in a slow and careful way which he never had before.   
  
When he had commanded his Leviathan project, he had regarded these aliens in a very cavalier fashion.  
  
Yes, they were famous for their multitasking capabilities. But look at them? Could such odd, almost primitive seeming creatures ever be regarded as equals, or even nearly so?   
  
That was how he had once thought of these aliens.  
  
He had himself spent the last several cycles as the bonded pilot of a Leviathan. Not just any Leviathan... the most unique Leviathan who had soared through galactic space.   
  
He had experienced sensory marvels such as no Sebacean ever had before. He had *felt* space. He knew what it was like to be a pilot, and he knew that the immense crustacean before him, even though relatively new to his job also, had experienced things that he himself could never hope to. He felt respect for the creature, and almost a kind of kinship, and a sense of shame at the treatment of this pilot, its predecessor, and the Leviathan they had both been partnered with.  
  
Crais' scrutiny drew the attention of Pilot, ~Can I help you Captain Crais?~  
  
Crais canted his head in contemplation, "I don't... I'm not sure, Pilot." He sat on one of the protrusions of the console and sighed. He looked in the vast chamber that stretched before him, for the moment avoiding eye-contact with Pilot. He worked his jaw muscles.  
  
"I have not been fair to you or any of the Pilots and Leviathans under my command in the past."  
  
Pilot tilted his head and stayed silent, not quite sure which way Crais was going with the conversation.  
  
Crais looked briefly down at Aeryn's hands before looking at the chamber again, "I have treated you unfairly, thinking of you as... beasts... mindless creatures,,, I didn't know any better... then.  
  
I know different now. Your species have an intelligence that supersedes ours. It would have been easy for you to point that out to us."  
  
~We could, Captain but we chose not to do so," replied Pilot in his clipped tones, ~My species like to explore, to see space and meet other species. Unfortunately, we cannot survive in space on our own. The Leviathans provide us with that~  
  
"And you offer companionship in return," answered Crais.  
  
~Yes, we do. The Leviathans are of solitary nature on their own but they love to share their experience but no one can understand them. We do~  
  
"I know and understand that now," said Crais gently. He turned to Pilot, "Since I have been linked to Talyn I have come to understand more than I could ever learn from the Peacekeepers or anybody else. I cannot share the wonders I have seen, felt or heard with others, since I do not know the words to describe them."  
  
He frowned and looked in deliberation at the console, "I have come to understand that Leviathans are very intelligent and curious. I apologise for my former ignorance."  
  
Pilot looked up, ~This is rare indeed. I will accept your apologies also on behalf of Moya~  
  
Crais nodded.  
  
~But that is not the only reason you are here, aren't you Captain~ Pilot said with a hint of understanding.  
  
"No," admitted Crais, "I need to know...how is Talyn doing? I have found this enforced separation from him quite distressing, much more so than I would have expected it to be.  
  
~Talyn has been much more stable the last few cycles. He has grown in experience, in understanding, far beyond his previous condition~  
  
"Still, this has been somewhat of a shock for me. I am concerned regarding how well Talyn is handling this.  
  
You are in constant contact with Moya, and she and Talyn have likewise been connected to each other throughout this...these last hours.  
  
Pilot, I desire...can you assure me that Talyn is not unduly distressed by this enforced separation?"  
  
~Captain Crais, I can confirm that Talyn has calmed down since Aeryn explained the situation to him. He was distressed at first when contact was broken but now that he understands that the duration is only short and not life threatening or of an extended nature he is resigned and quite happy to wait~  
  
Crais started pacing. Pilot was surprised by this reaction. He had thought that Crais would be happy to know that Talyn was taking it so well. Yet, the thoughtful frown he saw appear on Aeryn's face was contrary to what he expected, ~You are troubled Crais?~  
  
Crais stopped and sat down again. It was obvious that he found it difficult to breach the next subject, "I was going to talk to Talyn about something but now I am not sure if what I propose to do is right. Would you mind using privacy mode and discuss this with me?"  
  
Pilot was puzzled, ~Captain Crais, this is an unusual request. Yes, I can engage privacy mode but I do not want to distress Moya unduly. I could ask her not to convey any of this conversation to Talyn. For I take it that he is your major concern?~  
  
Crais nodded, "Yes, I wanted to discuss this with Talyn but I might need your advise in certain matters first."  
  
Pilot stayed silent for mere microts while he communicated with Moya then he looked back at Crais, ~Moya has agreed to leave Talyn out of the conversation but expresses the wish to listen to our conversation in case it could harm Talyn~  
  
"Agreed," replied Crais, "The question is this, "Talyn has made it known that he is in need of the companionship of other Leviathans... female Leviathans."  
  
Crais hesitated for a moment and then began again. In the interim, Pilot had remained silent, merely watching the Sebacean, expectantly. He had not taken the opportunity to point out that Talyn had spent much time these last few cycles with Moya, and she was definitely a female Leviathan.  
  
"During our travels, we have occasionally met with female Leviathans, as well as a few small groups of immature males. Several monens ago, we even were inspected at rather close range by a full grown male. He was by far the largest Leviathan I have ever seen--he was well over half again the size of Moya. After what seemed a quite thorough inspection, he moved off without any obvious attempt to join in communication with Talyn and myself.  
  
The male's lack of interest in a more intimate relationship was not a problem, but it has become clear to me that the situation regarding the females is very different.  
  
Talyn has made it known to me that he needs...more personal contact...with appropriate females.  
  
Once, as a Peacekeeper officer, I did not see Leviathan social needs as being any of my concern. Now, as Talyn's... pilot... I find that those needs are as important to me as though they were my own...as, in a sense, they are."   
  
Crais met the gaze of Moya's pilot as directly as he could.  
  
"What I mean to say...one of the things I mean to say...is that I need to know just what Talyn's needs are, and how best they may be fulfilled."  
  
The shrill little voice sounding though the back of his mind half wailed, half growled, *And will he leave me? ...and will he return?* and a host of other questions which began to run into each other, but Crais, despite a degree of difficulty, was able to stifle it temporarily.  
  
"What must I do to help Talyn? Am I correct in my supposition that I am standing in his way? I am aware that we all need connections with our own kind." (wondering to himself as he voiced that particular thought, Was it true? Where did that idea come from?).  
  
He found himself needing to exert the greatest control in order to not devolve into shouting the questions he had heard inside his head, and felt in his heart.  
  
Pilot regarded the Sebacean in front of him. He could see the anguish of Crais' unspoken words reflected on Aeryn's visage. Could see how the hands had gripped the console hard enough to make the hands looks almost white in order to keep control over himself.  
  
He lifted his head at Crais, ~You are speaking of... recreation of Talyn with other Leviathans~  
  
"Not necessarily recreation only. He needs to communicate with them, find himself. Am I an obstacle in his development? Am I holding him back? I need to know, Pilot. He is..." Crais could not continue and sat down.  
  
~Captain Crais, your symbiosis with Talyn has become more than a link between Pilot and Leviathan, hasn't it? You don't see him like a mere ship or travelling companion~  
  
"Yes," replied Crais softly, "He is my friend. The son I might never have." Crais closed his eyes, he had been able to admit it to others and to himself, "I'm afraid that I might loose him, that he will never return to me but I know I have to let him go... for a short period. To let him be on his own."  
  
~Crais, he will return. He is as lost without you as you are without him. You did not feel his distress when he was suddenly cut away from your thoughts~  
  
Crais nodded, he had expected it but needed to hear it voiced.  
  
~It is true that you might hold him back while you are on board. Talyn might suppress some of his urges in communications and other... considerations. It might be good for both of you to be separated for a short spell~  
  
Crais nodded, he leaned with the back of his head to the console.  
  
~Captain, he will return. He doesn't want to be separated from you either. He has more than once joyfully and enthusiastically explained to Moya that he regards you alternately as brother, friend, and father. He feels that increasingly, you and he have begun to exchange the roles of teacher and student~  
  
~That is entirely consistent and appropriate in the context of Leviathan-pilot relationships~  
  
~In fact, in cases where the two partners are of opposite sexes, especially when they both match each other well in terms of their emotional makeup and development, the relationship sometimes comes to border on that of lovers, although obviously there is no physical consummation in the usually accepted sense~  
  
~On the other hand, a Leviathan and his or her pilot are usually physically joined, unlike your situation with Talyn. It is no mere coincidence that my nutrients...my bodily fluids, flow to me via Moya~  
  
~Moya was very concerned for a long time whether you meant well toward her first-born. She remembered vividly, and still does, her treatment at Peacekeeper hands~  
  
Crais hung his head dejectedly, "I know, Pilot. Once I had treated Leviathans as did all Peacekeepers but that was before I was linked with Talyn. Now that I have an idea what goes on between Pilot and Leviathan I treat it differently and I feel ashamed how I used to behave. If it is any solace, I offer her my apologies for that behaviour."  
  
~Moya accepts you apologies, Captain. She also knows that you only have Talyn's well being in mind. No longer is she afraid that you might want to hurt Talyn or any other Leviathan. She sees you as Talyn's Pilot now~  
  
Crais accepted the honour Moya put on him.  
  
"I will try and explain to Talyn that our separation will benefit him. Although it pains me to loose him for even a short while, I also know that I have to trust him to return. I will convince him."  
  
~Moya thanks you for your consideration. I know how you feel Crais. Since I am physically linked to Moya I will never be able to be separated from her, not that I want to, the fact is I can't. Should I have been able to do so I would go through the same doubts as you are going through now. You have my sympathies~  
  
Crais stood up, this time his resolve was stronger and Pilot could detect the strength, which had been lacking when he had entered the Den, return in Crais' stance.  
  
Crais turned to him with a smile, "Thank you, Pilot."  
  
~You're welcome Captain~  
  
Crais left the Den.  
  
Before he had gotten more than 20 feet down the corridor, he stopped. After a moment's pause, he turned around and once again re-entered the den.   
  
He made his way half the distance to the giant alien.  
  
"Pilot, I never asked you. I never thought of it as important, before. It occurs to me now that not doing so was an error on my part, as well as being an intentional, and later, not so intentional, sign of disrespect. I would like to correct that, now.  
  
Pilot, may I know your name?"  
  
The creature in question looked at Crais with an amused smile, ~Captain Crais you will not be able to pronounce it. It would be very hard on your vocal cords~  
  
"I would still like to know," said Crais resolutely.  
  
~All right~ said Pilot. He spoke his name in the tongue of the people of his planet and was surprised when he saw Crais cant his head who seemed to listen very carefully.  
  
"Could you repeat it once more?"  
  
Pilot did and saw Crais smile. ~Captain Crais, what is so amusing?~  
  
"You are right, I will not be able to repeat this orally but once I am linked to Talyn again it will be a pleasure to address you by your given name."  
  
Pilot was clearly embarrassed and flattered, ~Will you be able to do so?~  
  
"When we are linked, yes. Thank you Pilot." He said his goodbyes and left the Den, silently repeating the name of Pilot in his mind.  
  
He felt a sense of satisfaction and rightness.  
  
He proceeded toward the observation chamber. 


	11. 24 Arns, part 3840

Part 38  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile, Crichton and Aeryn had met up with D'Argo on their way to the galley. Suppertime was fast approaching.  
  
"Aeryn, how are you feeling?" How is Crais?"  
  
Aeryn addressed D'Argo, "I am feeling fine. As a matter of fact, this body is quite comfortable."  
  
She received a glare of Crichton.  
  
She smiled, "I mean in the usage. Crais has kept up with workouts, I presume. The muscles move very supple, there is a lot of strength harboured in this body. I found it surprising that the male body can move with such grace."  
  
"Yeah, right," grumbled Crichton, "don't get to comfy with it. I think a certain Captain Crun... Crais might want it back, unless he is as comfortable in your body too but I didn't have the impression that he wanted to be separated from his own body for too long."  
  
This time he received a glare from Aeryn, "I want my body back too, John. I don't think you would want to kiss me while I am in Crais' body. Do you?"  
  
Crichton wriggled his nose in disgust and a strangled "No" came from his lips.  
  
"I thought so," she turned to Ka D'Argo, "As to Crais... His main concern is Talyn. I think he can put up with the situation but his separation to Talyn is grinding on his nerves."  
  
D'Argo said in response, "This experience has gotten on everyone's nerves. Chiana even volunteered to rustle up some grubs in the galley a while ago. She said she wanted to get away from everybody for a while and just hang with some nice, quiet non-sentient fruits and vegetables.  
  
The Luxan grinned sheepishly, "I think I asked her what she thought about this turn of events one too many times."   
  
Aeryn raised her eyebrow in almost Crais-like fashion, it made Crichton a bit uncomfortable, "Why would you ask Chiana so many questions?"  
  
"Well, you know how it is," said D'Argo, "It has been a little unexciting lately and then this comes along. It is rather amusing in a way."  
  
"In what way," said Aeryn almost with a growl.  
  
D'Argo shrugged a big shoulder and his front tenkas turned a darker shade of red, "Well, you and Crais... It is quite funny to see "Crais" sway his hips when he walks."  
  
"I don't sway my hips!"  
  
"Oh, yes you do. Your shoulders are set well back when you walk but your hips sway. (Aeryn grumbled) And then to see "Aeryn" take longer strides and checking his balance. It is rather fun," Ka D'Argo grinned.  
  
Aeryn scowled. It made Crichton grin. The Aeryn-scowl on Crais' face almost looked lopsided.  
  
Aeryn turned to him, "What are your grinning at?"  
  
Crichton looked guilty and said, "D'Argo's chutzpah?"  
  
The Human was trying desperately to keep a straight face and losing the battle badly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Aeryn, but it is pretty funny to watch.  
  
"Besides, isn't it a good sign that instead of us being at each others' throats about this, we're standing around in one of Moya's corridors, laughing about it?  
  
"Come on, admit it, don't you see the funny side of this too?"  
  
Aeryn looked at Crichton, "It is not a joke, John. I had not realised how serious this was... Crais..."  
  
"Is not here at the moment," replied John, "Can't you just let your hair hang down for a little..."  
  
"No, Crais wears his in a queue all the time."  
  
"No, I don't mean let your hair hang loose... (Aeryn raised another eyebrow at him) ...oh, forget what I said. I meant, can't you stop being so serious for a moment? Less Peacekeeperish?"  
  
"That is a stupid way with words John."  
  
"You start to sound more and more like Crais when you become too serious. At least Aeryn has a sense of humour. You sure you're not staying in his body too long? Extreme seriousness rubbing off on you now?"  
  
"Crais' face showed an uncharacteristic grin, "Just wanted to see you squirm a bit. You look quite cute when you squirm."  
  
Crichton blushed, "Well..."  
  
"Yes," she admitted, "There are some humorous sides to it. Do I really sway my hips?"  
  
"Yes you do. It is rather cute but on Crais it looks rather... feminine."  
  
"Don't let Crais hear that," boomed Ka D'Argo with a laughing voice.  
  
.  
  
"What shouldn't I hear," Crais' voice said behind them. He had changed his mind of going to the Observation Deck and had just entered the corridor when Ka D'Argo spoke those words.  
  
All three turned around suddenly and looked into the stern face of "Aeryn". "Her" hands were clasped behind her back and the head was slightly tilted in a waiting pose. They wondered how much he had heard.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Aeryn turned first to Crichton, then to D'Argo, and then back to Crichton again.   
  
An evil smile came over the face of Crais.  
  
"Oh, I'm sure that Crichton and D'Argo will be perfectly happy to repeat what they just said to you."  
  
'Aeryn' waited patiently, head cocked a bit to the side, attention focused on the two aliens like a heat seeking missile.  
  
D'Argo felt uncomfortable under Crais' stare and Crichton squirmed visibly, "You really don't want to know Crais?"  
  
Crais just lifted an eyebrow and stared in silence.  
  
Crichton looked at Aeryn but saw no help there. D'Argo looked elsewhere. He turned back to Crais, "We... ah... were just discussing that... uhm... the situation was rather amusing."  
  
"Oh?" Crais didn't let on that he found this rather amusing.  
  
"Yes, it is rather..." Crichton chuckled.  
  
"In what way?" The gaze of Crais rested solely on Crichton. Yes, this was fun, the Human was most definitely squirming.  
  
"You have to realise that it was getting a bit boring on Moya," Crichton resisted the temptation to show too much embarrassment.  
  
"Was it now?"  
  
"Yes, we haven't gotten ourselves into any hot water for some time now..."  
  
Crais volunteered, "Moya's refreshers seem more than adequate."  
  
His gaze did not waver even slightly.  
  
"Well, yeah, Crais, but that's not what I mean"  
  
"Perhaps you would favour us with an explanation of what you did mean?"  
  
"Hey, D'Argo, help me out here, will you?"   
  
The Luxan turned on his heel and walked away, calling over his shoulder, "Just remembered that Chiana asked me to... ah... get something from... supplies... yes, that's it. She wanted to cook something."  
  
"Thanks a bunch, Big D," muttered Crichton. He looked back at Crais. Crais had not moved or even shifted his gaze from him.  
  
"Crais... We were just talking. I didn't mean anything, honest."  
  
"But it was not for me to hear but about me."  
  
"Yeah, that's it," Crichton grinned sheepishly. Did Crais ever blink?  
  
"So, what did you say?"  
  
"It was nothing."  
  
"Then you wouldn't mind repeating it," Crais smiled gently, blinking once.  
  
"Well, we did say that it was very...interesting how the two of you have had to adapt to being in physically different bodies.  
  
"Isn't that right, Aeryn? ...Aeryn?"   
  
Crichton took advantage of the opportunity to break eye contact with Crais, and to virtually, silently plead with Aeryn to take pity on him.  
  
Aeryn smiled at him or rather Crais' face smiled at him and Crichton thought, "That's it, I'm dead. Finito. Caput."  
  
Aeryn said, "Since it was your explanation, I think you are so much better to explain it to Crais, I am sure he would understand. I did too, didn't I?" She almost purred and Crichton swallowed.  
  
He looked back at the unreadable face of Aeryn... no, Bialar Crais, "Well, you two move different... you know... different."  
  
"Are you always in the habit of repeating yourself, Crichton?" Crais' calm started to make Crichton even more nervous.  
  
Finally he couldn't take it any longer, "All right! We said that since Aeryn is in your body her movements make you look feminine!" He closed his eyes, which was really silly to do, but maybe Crais wouldn't hit him then. There was silence.  
  
Crichton opened one eye and then the other when he saw Crais cant his head. He looked at Crais and he looked at Aeryn.  
  
Crais continued the silence for a microt longer, then gave a small smile, "Of course, Crichton, she is after all female." He walked past Crichton and continued to the galley.  
  
Crichton stared at his retreating back in stunned silence.  
  
.  
  
Aeryn moved next to him. She tried to keep a straight face but it was a losing battle. The corners of 'her' mouth turned upward, and the eyes started to twinkle. She rested her head momentarily on Crichton's shoulder before finally looking at him eye to eye.  
  
She didn't realize till later that he didn't flinch or try to draw away.  
  
"Whew! I thought I was a dead duck. I guess he does have a sense of humour...Must have grown it in the Uncharteds. I'm pretty sure he didn't used to have one."  
  
Aeryn regarded him with mock seriousness.  
  
"John, why would you expect to turn into a dead bird? Is this some kind of primitive religious belief of your people?"  
  
Crichton looked at Aeryn, relief was plainly written on his face, "Either Cap'n Crunch has gone soft in his old age or he has developed a sense of humour."  
  
He remembered what Aeryn had said, "No it is not a ritual, it's just that when I told Crais I thought he was going to attack me, rip my head off. Hence the dead duck reference."  
  
"Why would Crais do that? You explained to him, didn't you? Besides, Crais is not old, he's hardly even 50 cycles, in your society he wouldn't even have reached his prime yet for a number of years. And you will find that he has a sense of humour, always had, only you have not had the pleasure of appreciating it."  
  
"I had not...? What do you mean, he always had a sense of humour? This is the first time I have seen it," Crichton looked hurt.  
  
"You might have seen it, just not recognised it," Aeryn smiled and walked towards the galley.  
  
"And when was I supposed to have seen it," Crichton wouldn't let the matter drop.  
  
Aeryn turned to him with a smile and suggested, "Let's go join the others, shall we?"  
  
She proceeded in the same direction that her shipmates had gone.  
  
Crichton looked at another retreating back and being none the wiser. With a shrug and a sigh he followed them to the galley. Everyone was already seated by the time he got there and they had left a seat for him between Crais and Aeryn. He groaned inwardly and sat down.  
  
.  
  
Part 39  
  
.  
  
Chiana had outdone herself again and the table was laden with all the delicacies each of the seated members liked.  
  
When he looked at "Aeryn" it was confirmed that the change hadn't started yet. Crais, as always, ate with meticulous care and wiped his hands frequently, so obviously different from everyone else.  
  
It intrigued Crichton, "Do you always eat like this, Crais?"  
  
"Aeryn" looked up, "Yes. Is it bothering you?"  
  
"No, it is just... different."  
  
"I like to savour my food. Remember the tastes. Besides, Chiana is a very good cook."  
  
Chiana practically beamed with the compliment. Crais was never very generous with compliments. D'Argo grumped.  
  
Crais continued, "I never mastered the art of cooking, so, it is a pleasure when I can enjoy it. Don't you do that?"  
  
Crichton coloured, "Not really. Food is food."  
  
"You don't know what you are missing then. Maybe a month of my cooking will change your mind."  
  
Crichton couldn't be sure if Crais was serious, "No, thanks."  
  
Crais raised and dropped his eyebrow, his way of "shrugging his shoulder".   
  
Crichton looked at Aeryn and saw a small smile on her face. He bent over to her, "Is he serious?"  
  
Aeryn was tempted to ask John whether he was referring to the threatened quality of Crais' cooking, or to the prospect of his lengthy stay aboard Moya.  
  
However, it wouldn't be polite to hold a discussion about Crais directly in front of him without including him in the conversation, and the Sebacean's keen sense of hearing meant that there was no chance that he would not overhear regardless of how softly they whispered.  
  
"We'll find out soon enough, Crais" Aeryn smiled at her former Captain. We all take turns on Moya with all of the scud work, although some of us volunteer to take extra turns with the jobs that we're best at, or trade off for the tasks we mind the least.  
  
"Chiana has found that she has quite a talent for cooking, and we usually look forward to having her prepare the meals for the rest of us. I've bribed her more than once to take my turn."  
  
Chiana had heard this entire conversation, and was pleased that one of her contributions on board Moya had been noted. She decided this was her chance to tease both D'Argo and Crais.  
  
"Yeah, Crais. Maybe we can come to some sort of understanding, huh? Like I take your turn and you do something nice for me. Or maybe we can just have some fun working in the galley together. I can show you my recipes..."  
  
The Luxan was annoyed, but not at Crais. Well, not mostly, anyway.  
  
"Chiana, sit down and behave. Let us have just one peaceful meal together."  
  
The little Nebari smiled sweetly at D'Argo, "You do trust me and Crais in the galley, do you Big boy."  
  
D'Argo growled and now looked over at Crais.  
  
Crais stopped eating. He had no intentions to start a row, especially if it was not of his doing and if he had to spend time on Moya with everyone, "I will swap navigation and maintenance any time with Chiana rather than let anyone taste my cooking."  
  
"Oh, and I was so looking forward to it," said Crichton with a drawl.  
  
The jaw muscles in "Aeryn's" face moved and tightened. Crais resisted the urge to stand up. Instead his voice sounded quite amicably, "I think you might reconsider those words after you have tasted my cooking."  
  
"As long as you and Chiana are not working together in the galley," said D'Argo with a growl.  
  
Crais sighed, "If I can help I would rather not be in the galley... to cook. With or without Chiana."  
  
"We'll find you something useful to do," said Aeryn.  
  
Crais' jaw muscles tightened again, "I do not need special consideration."  
  
This time Aeryn's eyes flicked in anger, "Crais, I was not offering you any 'special consideration'."  
  
She stopped, took a breath, and decided to back up this conversation before things got any further out of hand.  
  
"I only meant that we're all in this together, and we all have to contribute, whether by doing the things we excel at, or the jobs that no one wants and for which "excelling" is hardly a consideration.  
  
"It's one of the things that I found hardest to become accustomed to in my first year on Moya. As a Peacekeeper, I had my assigned duties. I was strictly responsible for them, but not for anything else.   
  
"In fact, making my own meals was one of the things that I found most difficult to become used to doing. All of my life, I was served my meals in a Command Carrier mess hall or lounge, unless I was on assignment. As a Prowler pilot, I rarely found myself in a position where I even had to rely on battle rations.  
  
"When I got on board Moya, not only did I have to fend for myself or go without--sometimes I had to actually contribute to preparing communal meals for the others. It's never been my favourite assignment, but it has to be done, just like maintenance on Moya, laundry, or a host of other things I was never trained to do."   
  
She looked at Crichton, practically daring him to start another round of trouble.  
  
Crais nodded and bit back a sigh, "I understand that certain duties will have to be done and that some of them are... less pleasant than others. I will not walk away from my duties."  
  
The others looked up in surprise. Ka D'Argo had expected Crais to call rank and only do the nice jobs. Rygel had expected him to do it as befitting his station.  
  
Crais looked up and saw some of their surprised faces, "I spend cycles on my own on Talyn. All duties are done by one person. For the main part of the first cycle I had only one DRD. And although some of the tasks are not a pleasant they had to be done."  
  
"Crais, we didn't think that..."  
  
"I am just pointing out the facts," interrupted Crais, "Unless everyone doesn't mind an upset stomach when I am cooking than I will take that duty too." He looked at them in defiance.  
  
Crichton bit his lip, "We could give it a try... (-when he saw the others growl at him, he continued-) on the other hand I think there are enough duties around to keep you from cooking."  
  
The others breathed a sigh of relief. Although they hadn't tasted anything of Crais yet, Crais was not the kind of person who would own up to not being able to do something. If he did it must be very valid indeed.  
  
Aeryn looked around the table, "That's settled then. Any duty, apart from cooking."  
  
Crais nodded and went back to eating.  
  
Crichton smiled into his food. *Just how bad could his cooking be? And he'd had to live on it all this time? Sometimes the gods were just.*  
  
Chiana smiled again at her Luxan, and gave him a friendly nudge.  
  
Fortunately, D'Argo generally got over things these days almost as quickly as he got upset at them, and he had more experience than he sometimes wanted with Chi's impish ways. Making up after one of their little tiffs wasn't such a bad deal either.  
  
Everyone settled down to finish their food. When they were mostly done, the Nebari ducked back into the kitchen area, and brought out desert--some baked sweets, and a few bowls filled with several varieties of fruit. She placed one bowl in front of the Sebaceans, taking one of the little tari fruit that Crais had seemed to enjoy so much earlier in the day. She laid the fruit down directly in front of his plate, and winked at him as she turned around to return to D'Argo's side.   
  
The Luxan sighed. It was going to be a long and interesting month.  
  
Crais looked up at Chiana with a grateful smile, she had remembered what he liked. A quick glance at Ka D'Argo showed him that not everyone could appreciate the gesture.  
  
He finished his meal and the picked up the fruit. He smelled it first and produced one of his rare smiles of being pleased. Then started peeling it and ate it with care.  
  
Crichton glanced at him. He hoped Crais was going to eat faster after he got used to eating the food on Moya. How would he eat foodcubes?  
  
.  
  
Finally everyone was finished. Without being asked Crais helped bring the dishes to the side where they could be cleaned. He stood next to Chiana and without looking at her said, "That was a very nice meal, Chiana and thank you for your consideration." He didn't want to put more oil on D'Argo's fire.  
  
Chiana on the other hand had no computations, "Hey, at least here is someone here who's not afraid to make a compliment."  
  
D'Argo growled and go up from the table, "Crais..."  
  
Crichton grinned and was happy that the shoe was on the other foot. How was Crais going to get out of that.  
  
Crais turned to the Luxan and nodded toward him, then faced the entire group.  
  
"It has been so long since anyone has shown me such kindness. Longer even than it has been since I enjoyed such a good meal. I thank all of you for welcoming me here.   
  
Talyn has been my home these last cycles, as Moya has been yours. I am keenly aware that you are under no obligation to welcome me, and all of you, with the exception of Chiana, have reason to do otherwise.   
  
The first time that I joined you on Moya, I claimed sanctuary here. In a very real sense, I do so again. I am sure that there will be moments that both you and I will need to make adjustments in order to coexist at acceptable levels, but I promise you that I will on my part endeavour to do so. If at times I fall short of the mark, I ask now for your forbearance. I have lived alone for so long, and for long before that, I rarely had need to conform my actions to the needs or desires of others."  
  
Crais nodded again a bit stiffly and turned to leave the room, 'his' hands clasped behind 'his' back, spine held ramrod straight, 'his' shoulders betraying even more tension than usual.  
  
D'Argo got up from the table and called out to him, "Crais!"  
  
.  
  
For a moment Crais stiffened 'his' shoulders and slowly turned towards the group. When his gaze was on them it betrayed nothing of the emotions behind the face, there was a certain tired quality in his voice that betrayed that mask of calm, "Yes, Ka D'Argo?"  
  
D'Argo walked slowly over to where Crais stood. Crais canted his head and D'Argo could see the jaw muscles on Aeryn's face tighten. He stopped two steps away from Crais. The others looked in silence to see what was going to happen.  
  
"You tell us you ask for sanctuary again. We remember well what happened the last time you asked for sanctuary. (Crais flinched) We remember well what the reason was when you asked," D'Argo paused, "Then, we hardly had a choice but take you in but this time it is different."  
  
Crais stood straighter, looked at him with defiance and resignation, "I can understand if I am not welcome here for a long spell. I will understand if you drop me off at the next Commerce Planet. As you say, this time you will have a choice." Although he said it calmly, there was ill concealed hurt in his eyes.  
  
D'Argo stepped closer and looked into the eyes of Crais, "Yes this time we have a choice." He admired the strength of Crais' gaze.  
  
D'Argo continued, "This time we are not looking at one of the elite of the Peacekeepers who's trying to safe his own hide. This time we are not looking at a man with a hidden agenda and will steal from us, from Moya." He paused for effect, "We are looking at a man, just like us."  
  
Crais swallowed.  
  
D'Argo's face broke out in a smile, "We are looking at a friend. A man who has pulled our eema's out of trouble many a time and you dare to ask for sanctuary?"  
  
Crais was confused, his mask of calm slipped from his face.  
  
D'Argo clapped him on the shoulder, it made the smaller form of Aeryn nearly buckle under the strength behind it, "We would be poor friends if we allow a friend to ask for sanctuary. Instead we offer you hospitality and hope you will accept."  
  
'Aeryn's' face was a mixture of confusion and, strangely, hope.  
  
D'Argo laughed, "Of course we all have to make adjustments. Like at the table. I was upset with you for complimenting Chiana. I do realise now that we have hardly complimented Chiana for her looking after our needs and she will probably reprimand me for that." He smiled at the thought how she would reprimand him.  
  
He smiled at Crais, "Your presence will be like a new breeze on Moya. For cycles we have taken each other for granted. To us the skills the others possess are... normal, nothing special and we have stopped commenting on it. It is good that someone reminds us that it is special."  
  
Crais looked uncomfortable, didn't quite know how to react.  
  
D'Argo clasped his arm around the smaller shoulders and steered Crais back to the table, "Finish having a drink with us and allow us to welcome a friend on Moya."  
  
Crais felt a cascade of emotions, none of them expected. Relief, joy, something he would only later admit to himself was hope.  
  
.  
  
Part 40  
  
.  
  
He rejoined the others around the table. It turned out that the planet below even had its own very respectable version of fellip nectar. The Nebari had of course been the one to find it and a generous supply had been brought on board a few days ago. Everyone onboard Moya--well, all except Pilot anyway (Moya's pilot) joined in a spontaneous celebration of sorts.  
  
Crais had never been the outgoing type, but he found the scene not only less painful than he would have feared, but actually somewhat enjoyable after a while. Even Rygel was being pleasant and on his best behaviour.  
  
Chiana had gone over to have a few words with D'Argo after she had set out the fellip nectar. As she left his side, she kissed the Luxan, then almost shyly approached Crais.   
  
"They never do compliment me, you know. They all take me for granted. Why, I work my fingers to the bone for them..."  
  
She couldn't make it much farther than this and keep a straight face. Her characteristic humour, both bawdy and oddly innocent at the same time, could only be kept under wraps for so long.   
  
She hesitated and then darted forward, planting a kiss on "his" cheek, then almost shyly backed away a bit.   
  
"I'll cook. But you can help me in the kitchen anytime..."  
  
She turned away, laughing as she returned to the Luxan's side and grabbed onto his arm.  
  
Crais brought his hand up to his cheek where Chiana had kissed him, it was a strange experience to him.  
  
Crichton approached him, "Always the charmer, eh Crais? Are you going to snurch all the females from us with you charms?"  
  
Crais cleared his throat and said seriously, "Crichton, it is not my intention to..."  
  
Crichton grinned at him, "Relax Crais. It was a joke, not meant serious. Although I am a bit worried (he looked mock serious), you do seem to have a way of charming them easily... on the other hand you might be too serious for them."  
  
"Crais" had approached them and Aeryn's voice said behind Crichton, "Oh, I don't know, I sometimes enjoy a more serious conversation and the ability to look at things from different angles instead of only one."  
  
Crichton looked shocked and glanced over at "Aeryn", Crais smiled a small uncomfortable smile. If he was going to stay here for a substantial time he better get familiar with some of the jokes or he would outlive his welcome amongst them. He took another sip from the Frellip nectar.  
  
Glancing over at the Luxan, he saw D'Argo apparently completely engrossed by the little Nebari, while she obviously teased him, laughing and tempting him with her charms.  
  
.  
  
Crais thought back on what he knew about Nebari, which wasn't very much more than 'everybody' knew. They seemed to keep to the worlds in their own sector of space much more than the other more advanced races. He knew that there were whispers about mental powers, and the ability to control and mind-wipe those who opposed them.   
  
Looking at Chiana, he found himself wondering. She seemed as much at odds with that picture as anyone could be. Mischievous, irrepressible, she seemed as far away from being in control of herself--or anyone else--as anyone he had ever met. Although, now that he thought about it, she did seem the one in control of the relationship between herself and the Luxan.   
  
He tried to suppress the smile that thought brought to him   
  
He didn't think he had ever been kissed quite like that--with a combined sense of warmth and friendship and almost innocent passion, if one could imagine such a thing, which he suddenly found he could. The kisses before had generally been practiced and professional and to a purpose; an officer on the rise, a Captain, was considered quite a catch.   
  
Turning to Crichton, he said, "Crichton, I don't think you have to worry about me getting all the attention of the females on this ship. It is obvious that Chiana and Ka D'Argo share more than a passing relationship and that you and Aeryn are together. I will do nothing to upset any of the relationships, rest assured." His face was serious or rather the features on Aeryn's face were serious.  
  
It was true; he didn't want to break up any of the ongoing relationships. It would not help his interaction with the crew for one thing.  
  
Crichton looked at Crais, saw the calm but also the loneliness reflected in those eyes. Somehow he felt sorry for the guy, would he ever fit in? He grinned at Crais, "Living with females on board a ship is not easy, you'll find out soon enough. Especially when they get in a huff with their partners."  
  
Crais frowned in confusion.  
  
Crichton smiled, "Don't be surprised if any of them come running to you and even fly in your arms and sobbing their eyes out, complaining about their partners. It is a female ploy to really frell up us poor little males."  
  
Crichton's words only confused Crais more, "Why would they do that? Can't they just talk it out? Settle it?"  
  
Crichton laughed, "Oh Crais, you will have still so much to learn." He walked over to him and touched his shoulder, "Let me explain..."  
  
Crais wasn't certain what Crichton was driving at and he was suspicious about Crichton's friendliness. Even though he had agreed to live on Moya, certain matters were still uncertain to him, "Crichton..."  
  
He was interrupted by another voice. A female voice. Aeryn's voice.  
  
The look on her face as they both turned to her was incredulous. The tone of her voice was not pleased, not pleased at all.  
  
"Crichton, where do you get such ideas about women?"  
  
She was NOT amused.  
  
"Do you think I run to D'Argo whining about.. what?, that we have our differences on occasion?"  
  
She was in utter disbelief that he had come up with something so ridiculous.  
  
"Does Chiana come to you, complaining about her latest disagreement with D'Argo?"  
  
Actually, she was perfectly well aware that on the rare occasions this past cycle or so that Chiana wished to speak of her relationship with the Luxan, she had been more likely to approach Aeryn. Not because the Nebari was searching for advice regarding how to handle her relationship problems, but because she and Aeryn had over time learned to respect each other as friends, each with obviously different gifts, but both capable females.  
  
Even on the few occasions that Chi had approached Crichton to talk about difficulties between her and the Luxan -and they were very few- it had not been to "fly into his arms sobbing". It had been to genuinely seek to understand the Luxan's point of view when they ran into one of their rare moments of real misunderstanding.   
  
Crichton grinned sheepishly, "I know. I know. Maybe it is a little bit exaggerated..."  
  
Aeryn huffed, "Exaggerated! It is very untrue! Why give Crais a wrong impression?"  
  
Crais looked from one to the other, totally nonplussed but getting an idea why Crichton was warning him off.  
  
Crichton shrugged his shoulder, "Aeryn, baby..."  
  
"Don't you baby me! You just want to confuse Crais!"  
  
"Well, not intentionally..." Crichton looked guilty.  
  
"It's all right, Aeryn," Crais interjected to stop the argument, "I'm sure Crichton has his reasons."  
  
Aeryn turned to Crais and said "Perhaps you should look for advice on male-female relationships onboard Moya from someone other than the "poor little male".  
  
The phrase hung in the air.  
  
Crais looked down at the table, he sighed. Was it his presence only that made Crichton behave as he did? He didn't want to be the cause of unnecessary friction. He breathed in deeply and looked at the others around the table.  
  
Chiana and Ka D'Argo were still too engrossed with each other to have noticed the altercation. Aeryn was obviously still annoyed with Crichton and Crichton himself now looked askance at Crais. Only Rygel seemed to be amused with it all, his whiskers trembled in silent mirth.  
  
"Maybe I will go and rest in my quarters," said Crais standing up from the table.  
  
That seemed to shake both of the others out of the 'crash and burn' orbits they were flying around each other. 


	12. 24 Arns, part 4144

Part 41  
  
.  
  
"No, wait..." Aeryn pleaded, as Crais turned to go. "You have behaved impeccably. Crichton and I seem to be the ones who are behaving like a pair of drannits."  
  
Crichton found himself echoing her. "Yeah, Crais, I'm the one who was out of line, with you and with Aeryn. Let's run through this scene one more time, ok?"  
  
Crais looked at them with resignation, "You do not have to apologise to me. I have to learn to fit in yet. It will take time. For all of us. You have all settled into a routine, it is me who is at odds. I will have to review my path."  
  
Crichton shook his head, "I am sorry, Crais. Aeryn is right. I sometimes behave like a drannit, whatever that is."  
  
Aeryn stared in disbelief at Crichton, apologising to Crais of all people? She chuckled, "There is hope for you yet, Erpman."  
  
"Earth, it's Earth," muttered Crichton under his breath.  
  
Crais tried to mimic the name but after a few tries gave up. It sounded worse than using the name Erp.  
  
Crichton looked at him in surprise, he had heard Crais' tries at pronouncing his planet's name, "Crais, you have to tell me something. How is it that you and the others can pronounce the weirdest combinations of sounds but have a problem pronouncing the word Earth?"  
  
With a somewhat long-suffering look, Crais responded "Crichton, "Urth, as you persist in pronouncing it, IS a "weird sound", if I understand that term correctly."  
  
The Human looked at him somewhat incredulously.  
  
"Well, have you ever heard any of us use a word that sounded similar to it?"  
  
The Human wracked his brain and couldn't come up with a positive answer, "Well, it's the closest to the name of my planet any of you have spoken it."  
  
"Crichton, to produce the sound is wearing on my throat. It sounds as if I'm sick. I prefer Erp. It is short and to the point and not a burden on my larynx."  
  
"Suppose I pronounced all your planets incorrectly," replied Crichton with hurt in his voice, "How would you feel about that?"  
  
Crais canted his head, "That would be your prerogative and most understandable. As a matter of fact, you have been mispronouncing most of our planets. We come to expect it of you."  
  
"Now, see here..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Crais' calm worked like a rag on bull to Crichton, "Just because I make a few mistakes... it would be nice if you pronounced the name of my planet correctly."  
  
"But it is the sound of someone throwing up. Why would you have people gag on your planet?" Crais was completely nonplussed.  
  
"Just because it is my planet," Crichton raised his voice in frustration.  
  
Crais raised an eyebrow and muttered, "Jhumons."  
  
"And it is Humans, not Jhumons."  
  
Crais observed him calmly as if he was looking at a child.  
  
After a moment, he sighed. "Very well, Crichton. As you point out, it is your planet. As long as you understand that I mean no disrespect to your home planet, I will endeavour to pronounce its name as you wish."   
  
Here he looked dubiously once more at Crichton, hoping to assure himself that the jhumon -the human- was not just toying with him again.  
  
"You really do insist that I sound as though I am being sick each time that I name your planet?"   
  
A look at Crichton confirmed this.  
  
"And, while we are on the subject, could you please enlighten me why you call yourself 'jhu, er, human? You do not call your birthplace 'hume', or 'huma'. Do you?"  
  
Crichton rolled his eyes and tried to come up with an answer which would satisfy Crais, "It means "of Man". It is from an old spelling on Earth."  
  
That confused Crais more, "Then why not call the planet Manea or Mania?"  
  
"That would be worse than gagging on it," chuckled Crichton, "You can't just call the planet "mad"."  
  
Crais nodded wisely, "It would explain your irrational behaviour at times."  
  
Crichton bristled, "I am not irrational!"  
  
Crais had a little smile on "Aeryn's" lips as if he had worked out a joke.  
  
He decided that he had best keep that joke to himself.  
  
Aeryn, meanwhile, had found herself a mute observer to this scene. She was having trouble keeping a straight face. Then she found herself remembering Huey, Louie, and Dewey. And the other John.  
  
Crichton picked that exact moment to turn to her, and caught her suddenly pained expression. He was concerned. The expression on "Crais'" face was one of distress, he could surmise that much, was she in pain? "Are you all right, Aeryn," he asked worriedly.  
  
She nodded while keeping her lips firmly pressed together, she could feel how the mirth was trying to bubble to the surface and it was making her feel flustered.  
  
Crichton was getting more worried and Crais looked at Aeryn. The expression he saw was easily explained and a smile curled as well. He knew what was going on, she must have picked up on his nuances and was now doing her utmost not to laugh. He considered to let it go but then again, Crichton had more than once too often used him as the foil of his jokes.  
  
"Aeryn is fine, Crichton, probably something she ate," his expression was calm, "I am curious. Do all the people on Erp... sorry Urg'th (it sounded worse than the first time) have damaged larynxes when they are trying to pronounce your planet's name? And do they all consider themselves Of-Man? Why not Of-Woman?" He contemplated briefly, "And would those who consider themselves as Of-Woman call themselves Hu-Whoo-man?"  
  
This time "Crais'" face creased up in laughter and Aeryn had to leave the galley, her laughter could be heard outside in the corridor. Ka D'Argo sniggered loudly, Chiana held her mouth and ran after Aeryn while Rygel smiled and his whiskers bristled.  
  
Crichton looked in total confusion at Crais who was the only one who had kept a stoic face, "What's so funny?"  
  
Crais watched the burgeoning confusion on the jhu-, the human's face and decided that he would not press the issue further.  
  
"There is an old Sebacean saying, Crichton. 'Humour, like beauty, finds its beginning and its sanctuary in the mind of the observer."  
  
"Well, that's certainly pithy enough to be Sebacean", the human muttered under his breath.  
  
Crais, with his superior hearing, clearly heard that. However, since he was trying to avoid open hostility (and was even trying to be conciliatory if he could do so without losing too much face), decided to ignore it.  
  
He merely shrugged his shoulders and waited.  
  
"Crais..."  
  
"Yes, Crichton?"  
  
"Since we're being straight with each other, maybe you will answer a question that no one else has been willing to give me an answer to.  
  
"What's a drannit?"  
  
Crais looked at him with a pained expression, "It is not something you want to know the answer to Crichton."  
  
"But I do," there was a tentative pleading in Crichton's voice, "For a long time everyone seems to be using it, especially on me. Everyone knows what it is but no one is willing to tell me. At least you would be honest enough with me to tell me. Wouldn't you?" Crichton tried his utmost to placate Crais.  
  
For the first time he saw Crais embarrassed or even "Aeryn" for that matter. The humour left "Aeryn's" face, "If I intent to stay and travel with you all for a while then you will not want to ask me at this stage what the meaning of the word is. Will it help if I tell you that it is the exact opposite of a Uwumon?"  
  
Revelation dawned on Crichton's face, "Is that why they all left screaming with laughter?"  
  
Crais nodded.  
  
Crichton grew angry, "No. It doesn't help me. I don't even know what a Uwumon is and now I am even more frustrated than ever with another word that seems to be "funny". Tell me Crais, maybe I can work it out." Crichton crossed his arms, tapped his toes and looked at Crais with a cross expression on his face.  
  
Crais looked in desperation around the galley. Rygel was smirking, watching to see how he would get out of that and the Luxan had finally stopped laughing, he was watching too. Crais turned to Crichton and said almost gently, "Crichton, this is a very sensitive subject, and it calls for a certain amount of tact and diplomacy."  
  
He turned to the Hynerian, "Dominar, we have need of your expertise. Kindly explain to Crichton. "What is a drannit?"  
  
Rygel eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open, "Crais you can't do this to me. You started it so you'll have to explain."  
  
"I did not tell the.. Crichton about the Drannit, so, technically I did not start it," Crais said calmly, "Besides, it is a word that originated from your sector."  
  
Rygel bristled, "Yes, it originated in my sector but we did not invent the name nor all its connotations."  
  
Crais' voice was smooth, "Ah but you are so much better with the arts of diplomacy and words Dominar. I am sure that you are the right man to enlighten Crichton on the subject."  
  
"That will not work, Crais, however smoothly you talk and try to flatter me," Rygel left the galley post haste.  
  
Crichton turned back to Crais, who was scowling after the Dominar, "It seems that this only leaves you, Crais. Now will you tell me?"  
  
Crais pursed "Aeryn's" lips, "If I give you my promise that I will tell you at a later date, once we have all got used to the idea that I will be staying with you, will you be willing to drop the matter now?"  
  
Crichton cocked his head, "I will have your word?"  
  
"Upon my Oath," replied Crais.  
  
Crichton decided that this was the closest he had ever come to getting an answer to this question, and maybe he had better settle for this arrangement.  
  
"All right, Crais. Remember, on your honour."  
  
The Sebacean nodded. "You have my word on this."  
  
.  
  
Part 42  
  
.  
  
Privately, he thought to himself *I will never get used to the idea that I have been aband...that I will be staying for an indefinite period of time on this Leviathan with these...maniacs.*   
  
Then another voice answered *They're not maniacs. Anyway, they're our maniacs.*  
  
Crais whipped his head around to the voice, how was it possible that his thoughts had been picked up? He was not linked to Talyn at the moment and he wasn't aware that any of the others had gained telepathic powers. His looked shocked, "How..."   
  
Then he looked around, and realized that no one had spoken to him. Crichton was still looking expectantly at him, although he was beginning to get a rather odd expression.  
  
Had he imagined the voice? He couldn't see how Talyn might have been communicating with him. It certainly hadn't been the jhu-, the human.  
  
Was it the immense stress he was under that was doing this to him? Everyone onboard Moya was intimately aware of how badly he handled an overload of stress.  
  
He had to maintain control, for his sake and everyone else's.  
  
"Crichton, I will tell you... later... what a Drannit is. Right now I would not be explaining it with the right... emphasis... no, the right... you see, it is difficult to explain but I will tell you."  
  
"Are you all right Crais," Crichton asked worriedly.  
  
"Why shouldn't I be?"  
  
"I don't know. A few microns ago it looked as if you were communicating with Talyn but you don't wear the transponder since you are not in your own body."  
  
"I'm fine," Crais wondered if they were going to analyse each step he would take once he was on board Moya. He sighed deeply.  
  
Crichton grinned, "Would you mind not doing that too often."  
  
"What," frowned Crais.  
  
"Sighing too deeply. It is rather... well... you know..."  
  
"You are speaking in riddles again John Cri..." realisation dawned, "I see what you mean."  
  
Crais tried to rid himself of a vivid mental picture of Officer Aeryn Sun in her leather cutaway vest, her bosom softly heaving. He found the image fascinating, but realized that this was no way to gain Crichton's trust and confidence, and the human was once again beginning to get a rather strange expression on his face.  
  
He gave himself just a bit of a shake, and focused his attention once again on Crichton.  
  
Even the Luxan had left the galley, probably to chase after Chiana.   
  
"We seem to have dispersed the rest of Moya's crew", Crais said.  
  
"We?" Crichton grinned, "It must be your charm, Crais."  
  
A rueful frown appeared on "Aeryn's" face, "I was not aware that I was charming anyone, Crichton."  
  
Crichton sighed, "Can't you stop being serious all the..." He looked up and saw the gentle curve of a smile, it was strangely becoming to Aeryn... he shook his head, this was Crais. Stop thinking. "You do have a sense of humour?"  
  
"Are you surprised, Crichton?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, yes. Your beard must be concealing more than we thought."  
  
Aeryn entered the galley, a grin was still present, "Well done you two. Cleared the galley in no time. So, did you resolve the problem?" Her eyes twinkled.  
  
Crais stood up straighter. Crichton didn't know where to look. Was Crais even aware that by being so... militaristic it did certain things to Aeryn's body and therefore Crichton's eyes and thoughts.  
  
Aeryn had followed Crichton's eye-movements and she suppressed another smile. She caught Crais' eyes, "I think John will be suffering soon from overload."  
  
"Oh?" Crais' expression was neutral, "Anything amiss?"  
  
"Sort of," Aeryn was enjoying this.  
  
Crais turned to Crichton, "Is there something wrong, Crichton?"  
  
Crichton looked at him and saw that Crais had now placed his hands on his back in his normal manner, unfortunately this brought out the features of Aeryn Crichton was very hard trying not to look at. He mumbled an excuse and left the galley.  
  
.  
  
Part 43  
  
.  
  
Aeryn looked back at Crais, "You did that on purpose."  
  
For a moment Crais looked serious, trying to deny it and then he smiled, "It was... intentional, I admit. Isn't that what he meant by "loosen up"?"  
  
Aeryn smiled broadly, "Yes, I think so. He seemed a bit tight though."  
  
The smile on Bialar's face slowly broadened into a grin, until he actually found himself laughing out loud.  
  
Aeryn found herself joining in. It was likely that neither could have told which of them was more surprised by this scene. The laughter sounded nearly as strange to her as it did to him.  
  
"See, it won't be so bad", Aeryn grinned at him.  
  
Crais suddenly turned serious again. "Perhaps not, Officer Sun. Perhaps not." He grew quiet again.  
  
Aeryn gently caressed his side with her hand.  
  
"You'll see. I think that you're going to find that you belong here more than you know."  
  
"Let's hope so.   
  
"Shall we finish cleaning up? Moya's crew will be safe from poisoning for one more day, at least...I'm sorry, you are no doubt more than caught up with your share of the duties on Moya, officer Sun. I have no right to volunteer you for kitchen duty as well..."  
  
"No, Crais, that's all right. We seem to have chased everyone else out of here. It shouldn't take that long to finish getting things in order here, and I find the company enjoyable."  
  
Crais gave her a smile, "I'll do the washing."  
  
Aeryn pouted and Crais had to laugh at the expression that appeared on his own face, "I have to remember not to pout, that doesn't suit my face."  
  
"And I will be more of military bearing when I see John," she said impishly.  
  
They both laughed, Aeryn's high lilt and Crais' deep rumble filled the kitchen while they set about doing the dishes.  
  
.  
  
Crichton smiled in the corridor when he heard them, maybe life wouldn't be that bad at all with Bialar Crais on board. He turned away and into the corridor, whistling a tune.  
  
A little ways down the corridor, he met D'Argo and Chiana making their way back toward the galley.  
  
"We decided that before we become otherwise occupied, we should finish cleaning up in the galley", the Luxan explained.  
  
Chi cocked her head and laughed impishly at him. "We? I though you were going to just sit and watch and 'keep me company' while I actually did all the work. Maybe it will be fun having Crais around if that's the effect he's going to have on you."   
  
Crichton grinned. "Actually, I don't think your services are needed. I could be wrong, but I think we have an all-Sebacean galley crew on duty."  
  
The Nebari turned to Crichton. "So, you're ok with that, huh?"  
  
D'Argo watched his reaction closely.  
  
"Yeah, you know, I actually think I am. Who'd have thunk it?"  
  
Ka D'Argo looked at Crichton curiously, "Are you sure you are all right John? I did hear you say that Aeryn and Crais are in the galley, cleaning up?"  
  
"Yup." Crichton smiled.  
  
"And you have no problems with that?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"We are talking about Crais and Aeryn, right? (Crichton nodded) The same Aeryn and Crais you don't like losing out of your sight? (again Crichton nodded) And now you are just letting them do the dishes... together? No one there?"  
  
Crichton smiled, "They are even laughing together."  
  
D'Argo rolled his eyes, "Maybe Crais is right and Jhumons are just born mad."  
  
"Have I ever told you about some of the things I did as a kid to avoid doing the dishes? Why, there was the time..."   
  
As his Luxan friend started looking more and more strangely at him, Crichton found it harder and harder to keep a straight face. Finally he gave up, and grinned. "Never mind, big fella, just take my word for it. They're doing dishes, not playing house. It'll be all right. Keep them outta trouble for a little while at least."   
  
Chiana looked Crichton in the eye, in fact, moving closer in to him. "You sure of that, Crichton?" Confidant that he really meant what he had just said, she grabbed Ka D'Argo's giant hand and began to pull him back down the corridor.  
  
"Well, alright then, let's get back to minding our own business. It sounds like everyone here can take care of themselves."  
  
After a backwards glance at the human, D'Argo let himself be led away by the little Nebari.  
  
Crichton found himself questioning for a moment whether he really did mean this, then decided that, yup, he really did. At least, he was finally willing to admit to himself that he had to let the two of them be alone together sometime, and now with them focused on kp duty was as good a time as any.  
  
He headed off to what they all called the 'terrace'. He had a sudden need to see the stars.  
  
.  
  
Part 44  
  
.  
  
Meanwhile Crais and Aeryn were busy in the galley. They worked in silence. Aeryn glanced over at Crais. There was a calm on her own face that she found amusing. She normally hated doing the washing up yet Crais didn't seem to be bothered by it.  
  
He felt her eyes on him and without pausing in his work he asked, "Why are you looking at me, Aeryn?"  
  
"You have eyes in the side of your head," she was surprised.  
  
"No but I was right in assuming that you were looking at me?"  
  
She smiled, "Yes, I was. I was wondering, you do not mind doing the washing-up?"  
  
"Why would I mind? I had promised to do my part of the duties and if that includes washing-up, then so be it. On Talyn there are normally no more than a couple of plates if I endeavour to try my hand at cooking again, unlike the number of plates used here. I will have to get used to it and now is just as good as ever."  
  
She put the dried dishes and utensils away while he dried his hands, "How many times do you cook Crais? Is your cooking really that bad?"  
  
His mouth twitched, he didn't like admitting not being any good at something, even cooking, "The times I tried, the flavours were not what I expected them to be and I still have a tendency to undercook or burn them. Still trying to get it right."  
  
"Well, cooking isn't one of my talents, either. That was a servitor's work. As a prowler pilot, I expected to report to the mess and have my food properly prepared and presented to me.  
  
"The first cycle aboard Moya, we were glad enough just to have sufficient food cubes, at least all of us save Crichton. He never did get used to them. Sometimes we half-starved."  
  
She thought to herself. *back in the days when you were hunting us*  
  
Crais said nothing but was sure he was correctly interpreting the unspoken thought.  
  
"We still depend on them on occasion-when it's been awhile between planet-fall, when things are too hectic and nobody can be spared for a luxury such as a prepared meal.   
  
"But we've been lucky. We still have more than enough credits to buy fresh provisions when we can find it, and Zhaan and Chiana both are -Zhaan was- talented in this regard."  
  
Aeryn fell silent. She found herself reliving her meeting with the priest of Lachmon. Could it have been just yesterday that had happened?  
  
"Crais?"  
  
He quietly met her gaze and waited for her to resume speaking.  
  
"I took a terrible chance. If any of us come to harm because of it...  
  
"What's done is done is done and this case, if they have been truthful about it, it can be undone. We should be getting near the time to find out if they have been truthful to you."  
  
He took a deep breath and Aeryn could appreciate Crichton's reaction, Crais had not noticed and continued, "No harm, as far as we know, has come to us. As a matter of fact, it did what it was supposed to do. It gave us insight only maybe not as you had wanted."  
  
Crais sat down at the table and folded Aeryn's hands on the table, absentmindedly he admired the delicate hands, "It also produced the effect that I had to rethink what to do about Talyn, it produced the need for me to stay on board Moya.  
  
He looked up to her and smiled, "No offence, Aeryn but I do hope it is soon. I want my own body back."  
  
A small smile started to show on "Crais'" face, and then spread over it. "Aeryn" noted how his face almost lit up; he nearly looked like a different person. He was surprised to find himself thinking that this strong, intelligent, good-humoured man was someone he would be interested to know.  
  
Aeryn responded, "I will miss this body. It is strong, and a pleasure to inhabit. I hope to remember what you taught me. Will you really welcome me as your student in the Vah'ni Panthak discipline? But yes, I will be glad to have my own body back."  
  
She grinned even more broadly. "I think that I can speak for Crichton, that he will too."  
  
Aeryn's face matched her grin for grin.  
  
"Of course, you are welcome. I look forward to it. Even Crichton is welcome to join us. I meant what I said earlier."  
  
Aeryn looked at 'herself'. "I'm glad this happened, I think. No, I know that I am. However this turns out, I've learned much. As you said, maybe not exactly what I expected to.  
  
"I'll be glad that it's over, though."  
  
She found herself confessing weakness, something she would never have done just a few short cycles ago.   
  
"I'm so tired, I think I may even be able to sleep tonight."  
  
Aeryn moved next to Crais and briefly rested her head on his shoulder, then straightened herself back into that familiar ramrod-straight military posture. She couldn't resist smiling at the thought of John's reaction to it.  
  
"Shall we go and find Crichton?"  
  
Crais nodded and sighed deeply, "Yes let us find Crichton." He stood up from the table and stood next to Aeryn, "Have you got any idea how much time has passed since the actual transformation?"  
  
Aeryn shook her head, "I have no idea but the time must be drawing near."  
  
They walked out of the galley and asked Pilot where they might find Crichton.  
  
~He's on the Terrace~ 


	13. 24 Arns, part 4548

Part 45  
  
.  
  
They walked along the corridor, not as much in haste as they would normally do, quite comfortable with each other's company now. Crais broke the silence, "I would like to instruct you on the Vah'ni Panthak. Crichton had shown an interest as well. Even though he might not become as adept as you will be. By instructing him too, you might find a welcome workout together from the standard discipline."  
  
Aeryn was surprised that he would come with the proposal himself, "You would like to instruct him too?"  
  
Crais nodded slowly, "I think I would. I will not be on Moya forever. Exercising the discipline is more enjoyable with two people. I have missed that."  
  
Aeryn couldn't believe her ears, Crais admitting to something he missed and enjoyed was new. She started to understand the depth of his loneliness more, "I'm sure John would appreciate that."  
  
He smiled wryly, "He might find it even more enjoyable if I instruct him on the Sar'tha Panthak."  
  
Aeryn looked mischievously at him, "Now that would get his attention."  
  
This time a broad smile appeared on "Aeryn's" face, "I am sure he would but to achieve that he will have to be a first-level Vah'ni Panthak first. Think that would make him study better?"  
  
Aeryn laughed.  
  
"Yes, I imagine that would be an effective inducement. But, you know, Crais, Crichton isn't as much of a sluggard as he sometimes makes himself out to be.   
  
He was apparently quite athletic when he was young, and he wouldn't have had a career in his home planet's space program, pathetic as it was, unless he was in good physical shape.  
  
When he first appeared in this sector of space"--she looked sideways at Crais for a moment, watching for a reaction from him--"I thought he was 'soft'".   
  
Well, I misjudged him. He wasn't military--not as we understand the term--but he wasn't soft either. Since then, he's worked at getting and keeping himself in better shape. Not that he'll ever be as strong as a Sebacean--but sheer physical strength isn't all that matters."  
  
Crais responded: "I thought he was "soft" too. I meant to terrorize him on that first day. I thought it was only fair to cause him to suffer as Tauvo had, as I had. I misjudged him, and not only physically."  
  
Crais sighed.  
  
"When Maldis had us... Crichton was the one who was able to resist him. He tried to help me to do the same, but I was the weak one. Even physically--Crichton with such inferior martial training was still able to resist me.  
  
"Of course I was half-mad with grief over Tauvo's death." Now it was Crais glancing sideways at Aeryn, but she betrayed no more reaction than he had a few moments earlier.  
  
"In any case, Crichton is no Sebacean, but he has his merits."  
  
Crais grinned. "So, Officer Sun, shall you explain to him about the Sar'tha Panthak discipline, or shall I?"  
  
Aeryn grinned back, "It might be better coming from you. Crichton always talks about "bonding" but he means it different from what we understand it to be. To him it has nothing to do with finding a mate."  
  
Crais was confused, "Then what does he mean?"  
  
"I am not quite sure," answered Aeryn, "He talks about kah's and football and none of us has any idea what he's talking about but he considers it part of bonding and he misses it."  
  
"It will not be easy to explain this to Crichton then is that what you are saying," there was a hint of disappointment on Crais' face. Once he had made the step to tell Crichton about the Sar'tha Panthak he quite warmed to the idea but if it was going to be impossible...  
  
"No, I think it will be good for him. he normally only has Ka D'Argo to speak to as man to man but since D'Argo and Chiana are back together again..." her voice trailed off.  
  
"I will try," replied Crais.  
  
.  
  
They had reached the terrace and stepped in. Crichton turned when he saw them enter.  
  
He saw two Sebaceans approaching at a leisurely pace. Had he ever watched Bialar Crais do anything at a leisurely pace?  
  
They gave the impression of being intimately comfortable with themselves and with each other, which, given the circumstances, struck him as even weirder.  
  
Aeryn spoke first. "John, Pilot told us we could find you here." She searched his eyes trying to judge what he was thinking and feeling.  
  
"It's getting late."  
  
Crais added with no obvious sign of concern: "Those 24 hours are almost up. We need to discuss what to do next.  
  
Crichton responded, "There isn't much to discuss, is there?"   
  
Still, there was no obvious rancour or sarcasm in his voice, just an admission that there was little they could do about the situation at this stage of the game. He smiled a bit ruefully.  
  
"It's alright. Yes, it's been a long day." Ludicrously, he realized that an old Beatles tune had just popped into his head.  
  
"Crais" looked a bit sheepishly, the expression on Crais' face made Crichton smile, he had seen the expression many times on Aeryn's face when she was trying to tell him something but didn't know how to but he had never seen it on Crais.  
  
"Well... uhn the 24 arns are nearly up but I am not sure whether we have to be asleep for the transformation to reverse itself or if it just happens," she looked at Crichton and Crais.  
  
It was Crais who spoke up, "If we have to be asleep then we only need to go to sleep. If, on the other hand, it just reverts than if shouldn't differ whether we are asleep or not."  
  
Crais couldn't be vaulted for his logic but Crichton was confused why that should pose a problem.  
  
Crais continued, "The best viable option would be to go to sleep. We can probably use my quarters to fall asleep and hope to wake up transformed back to our former selves. That way if we wake up and the transformation hasn't taken place then we know immediately."  
  
Crichton's intake of the words had stopped when Crais has said "my quarters:, "Oh, no. I can't allow that to happen."  
  
Crais grew impatient and a frown appeared over "Aeryn's" brow, "You do have a problem with that?"  
  
Aeryn covered the remaining ground between her and Crichton, stopping just short of him. She was about to caress his cheek, but as she lifted her hand, she realized again that Crichton was liable to become even more upset by the contact with 'Crais'.  
  
"John, please, This has been hard enough on all of us. I thought...we can't start fighting among ourselves now."  
  
Crais, brow furrowed, looked somewhat askance at both of them, but remained silent. *Let Aeryn do the talking for once. She won't make this worse, anyway.*  
  
"Aeryn..."  
  
"John, listen to me. I need you to listen to what I'm saying, and to credit that I have some idea what I'm talking about. We've depended on each other's judgement before.  
  
"Crais is right. If the transfer works as it did last night, all will be well. If it doesn't--if something else happens (the prospect of which none of them had really dwelled on before),   
  
then we need to know this as soon as possible, and we need to be as prepared as we can be to deal with it.  
  
"Please, John, do this for me..."  
  
Crichton looked from Crais to Aeryn. He saw the pleading look on "Crais'" face and the calm resignation on "Aeryn's". Strangely he felt ashamed that after what all of them had been through in the last 23 or 24 arns he could still feel doubt.  
  
Neither Sebacean had shown any misconduct, as a matter of fact, quite the contrary. He had the feeling that they all had somehow grown towards each other, set aside some of the differences they had. Would he now shatter this by the jealousy he felt?  
  
He looked up, "I think you are right. It will be the easiest way to find out if things work out as they were supposed to work out. And you are right, if you sleep together... uhm... fall asleep together it will be easier to establish if all went well."  
  
Aeryn forgot momentarily that she was in Crais' body and hugged Crichton. "I knew you would understand," she said happily before realising what she had done.  
  
Crais hid a smile behind his hand when he saw the shocked face of Crichton. In a way he had been expecting Aeryn to do this in a moment of unawareness all day. It was appropriate that she did it now.  
  
Crichton looked over at "Aeryn" and saw how Crais tried to hide the smile that was now plastered over "Aeryn's" face. He scowled in perfect Crais-imitation at Crais.  
  
Aeryn stepped back, "Sorry, John I didn't mean to do that. It was just, well, I knew that I could count on you."  
  
Their eyes met, and it didn't matter that Aeryn's soul -whatever it was that made her 'Aeryn'- resided in another body. They focused on each other alone--the Sebacean on the sometimes maddening jhumon she loved, and Crichton on the Sebacean female whom he had once told Stark was 'his Zhaan'.   
  
Crais, even though wearing Officer Sun's form, watched the pair of them. He suddenly realized that he might as well not be there for all the two of them cared. Finally, he loudly cleared his throat, and they both turned to look at 'her'.  
  
"Aeryn, it is time. We better start the sleep-cycle as soon as possible. It might take a bit longer to fall asleep." As always the practical man, Crais had already calculated that into the equation.  
  
"Crais" stepped back from Crichton and smiled at him, "Hopefully when I... we wake up it will be to the familiar bodies." She resisted the urge to kiss him. She turned to Crais and took a deep sigh, "I am ready."  
  
Crais nodded and walked out of the Galley.  
  
Before he left Crichton called him back, "Yo, Crais!"  
  
Crais hoped that while he was on board Crichton would stop addressing him like that, he had always disliked that. He turned around and asked warily, "Yes, Crichton?"  
  
"When you come back I hope you will smile more often, it suits you!"  
  
"Aeryn's" face was infused with red and Crais stared in disbelief at Crichton.  
  
'Crais' smiled as warmly as a sun when she heard this; after a moment, she didn't even try to disguise her delight.  
  
Her first instinct was to come back with a clever retort, but she quickly thought better of it. They had all been through enough for one day, and she didn't want to 'rock the ship', as John would say, now. She merely said, "Perhaps, if we give him reason to, he will."  
  
Crais tried to disguise his discomfort at being complimented by Crichton by quickly exiting the galley. This body betrayed too much of his feelings.  
  
.  
  
Part 46  
  
.  
  
He slowed his pace when he heard Aeryn come up behind him. He could feel his heavy hand on his shoulder when Aeryn caught up with him, until now he hadn't realised how warm his hands were, "It's all right Crais. He is right you know, your face changes dramatically when you smile. You have a very warm smile."  
  
"Aeryn" cleared his throat, "Well, I... uhm... just have to get used to it."  
  
"You will," she said with a smile and Crais had to agree that it did look good.  
  
They entered his quarters and "Aeryn" took of the short tunic, while "Crais" shrugged out of the heavier one. Aeryn looked over at Crais, "Wouldn't something lighter be more comfortable Crais?"  
  
"I didn't have time to..."  
  
"Crais! It has been cycles now. Surely..." When she saw his resigned face she said, "Sorry, didn't want to interfere."  
  
He nodded and went over to the bed, courtesy made him turn around to Aeryn, "Which side of the bed do you prefer?"  
  
Aeryn smiled. "The side opposite from you, Bialar."   
  
Her voice softened and thickened at the same time. "As long as I'm next to you, it'll be alright."   
  
She glanced away, her face suddenly a bit flushed, then her eyes met his squarely.  
  
Bialar hoped that Crichton understood what a treasure he had found.  
  
.  
  
John Crichton sat down on the sleeping surface in his own chamber. He didn't much feel like sleeping. He was a brave man, but he wasn't sure he was quite this brave.  
  
Of course, he had committed himself, and he would not shame everybody involved by acting like an immature jerk again. (He could just hear Aeryn's voice saying "like a drannit".)  
  
He would worry the whole night cycle through, though. He would worry about Aeryn, he would worry about Crais. He would worry about Aeryn and Crais. Hw would worry about what he would find in the morning, and what they would do about it if the Priest of Lachmon had lied. How would they find him? More importantly, how could they compel him to reverse what he had done? What if it weren't reversible?  
  
He loved Aeryn more than life itself. He also knew that she loved him. What he wasn't so sure of was just exactly what her feelings for her former Captain, her fellow Sebacean, were. And he was much less sure of what Crais felt for her, and what he would ever do about it. Even if this were the "good" Crais...  
  
He sat on the edge of the bed, and ran through the last five years of his life, over and over. He wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.  
  
He was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice the little drd he had named "1812" skitter up to his feet and park itself there, patiently watching over him and keeping him company.  
  
In another chamber, Chi and D'Argo lay comfortably in each other's arms, sated and happy.   
  
"So how do you think this is going to work out?"  
  
"We'll have to wait and see. We'll know more in the morning. No matter what we find, there are going to be some interesting times around here."  
  
"Our Bialar Crais is not the Captain Crais who was my jailor five long years ago, or the madman who chased us all over this arm of the galaxy. I don't even think he's the Crais who blew up his own Command Carrier to keep wormhole tech out of the hands of the Peacekeepers.   
  
"Which Bialar Crais he is, we'll just have to see."  
  
The Luxan smiled at his lover.   
  
"But I think we have the best of the bargain."  
  
.  
  
Part 47  
  
.  
  
In Crais' quarters the subjects of everyone's thoughts lay stretched out next to each other. As Crais had predicted, sleep didn't come immediately. As a matter of fact, it seemed as if sleep were eluding them completely.  
  
Crais lay flat on his back, his mind running and he still found it strange how "his" body didn't flatten on the bed as he was used to. He looked at the different colours on Moya's ceiling, tracing the patterns, trying to will himself to sleep.  
  
"Crais, you asleep yet," Aeryn asked him quietly.  
  
He sighed, "No, not yet. Can't seem to go to sleep."  
  
"Neither can I. It almost feels like the night before battle. Too tired to go to sleep but too excited to do so," there was a wistful note in her voice.  
  
Crais smiled, "I understand. It is what keeps me awake too."  
  
There was silence for a moment.  
  
"Crais, what would happen if we don't... wake up in our own bodies?"  
  
"We just have to adjust, Aeryn. For now, don't loose hope."  
  
Silence.  
  
.  
  
"I really appreciated being in your body, Crais, even if it was just only for a short time. It made me realise certain things and I hope I can keep them up once I'm back in my own body again."  
  
Crais looked sideways at Aeryn and was struck how relaxed his face looked. He had not been aware that the lines of his own face were very strong and his nose (he smiled at himself) so prominent. Aeryn's mind gave his own face a certain softness, he would like to keep that once he was "back". "What did you realise, Aeryn," he asked softly.  
  
"You made me realise that I am stronger than I perceived myself. Not only physically but mentally as well. When you took my body through the Vahni-Panthak... I was never confident enough that my body was able to go through the moves, you showed that it is and that it was only my own mindset that was holding it back."  
  
She turned to face him and saw her own face observing her. There was such a calm in the features, she smiled and continued, "For the first time in a long time, I have been able to think clearly, rationally. I don't think it is really your body that is doing that to me. I think that being IN your body just gave me the... (she was looking for the right words) incentive to be calm. Part of me didn't want to change the "you" and made me calm down, settle my mind. It had been the calm I have been looking for, for such a long time."  
  
"You did a wonderful job, Aeryn," he smiled at her. Then looked back to the ceiling again, contemplating.  
  
"The experience in YOUR body was... a revelation for me too. As Crais, in my own body, I have always shown strength, no weakness. It is who I am. It is what people expect of me. The man who is always in charge," he grinned, "Except when I chased you all, I was mad with grief then. I'm sorry."  
  
He continued, "Your body was different. Not that it weakened me, don't get me wrong but it was more... emotional... than mine. In the beginning I found it difficult to work with, it was so... strange... to feel myself react to matters I would normally not react to. I found peace in accepting that. It made me reveal parts of me, which I kept even hidden from myself. It made me realise that my suppression was harming Talyn. It made me realise that I do have a need for company, for friends."  
  
"You don't have to be lonely, Crais. You know that there is a place for you here, among friends," she said it without hesitation and he was glad to hear that. "It will take some adjusting to fit in, not only from you but from all of us. We take ourselves for granted and you showed that there is more to us. Chiana, for starters, is happy to be appreciated. Ka D'Argo finally realises that when the men look at Chiana they don't always see her as a potential recreational partner. Rygel... well, he's Rygel, he won't change. Even John is coming around."  
  
"I too have to admit that I will have to review my thinking about you all. It has been a pleasant surprise. I had not expected any of you to be so... considerate. I will do my best to adjust," he then remembered that she had left herself out of the equation. Was that deliberate?  
  
She looked back at him, could almost see the unspoken question, "I have come to appreciate you more, Crais. I had always thought that I felt a certain... attraction to you."  
  
He looked quickly at her, his face registered surprise, "And you don't feel that anymore?"  
  
She smiled, "I think I do. But not in a physical manner."  
  
His face briefly showed a regret, she place a hand on his cheek, gently, too brief, "If I did not have John I might consider you a mate, you are very attractive (he blushed) but I do love John. I think I was always attracted to the you inside you, if that makes any sense. The calm, the strength. Maybe that's why I went for this strange experience. Are you mad with me?"  
  
"No, Aeryn, I am not mad with you. I regret that we never had the chance to be more for each other but seeing how you interact with Crichton, I am happy for you," he chuckled deeply, "Strange to admit that now. I hope he appreciates your love."  
  
"Oh, he does."  
  
"I do hope so or else I have to break his neck."  
  
She looked at him stunned but giggled when she saw the smile on his face, "You do have humour."  
  
"Don't tell Crichton that, it's a surprise."  
  
"I won't."  
  
The silence was comfortable.  
  
"Let us try to go to sleep," said Crais and Aeryn agreed. They looked at the ceiling and traced the lines.  
  
.  
  
Part 48  
  
.  
  
After what was beginning to seem like forever, Crais turned over onto his side, facing away from Aeryn, and curling up a bit. Shortly after that, he heard a sigh from her. Moments later, he became intimately aware of her ('his') arm circling around his middle, as she snuggled closer to him, spooning him.  
  
As they lay together, he found himself filled with a sense of companionship, security, and peace. He drifted off to a strangely deep and restful sleep.   
  
Had he remained awake, he might have realized that the same was happening to Aeryn.  
  
They slept like this until 'morning'.  
  
There was no daylight, no rising of a sun, to revive them.   
  
They were both used to waking up at the end of a standard cycle of sleep. For Crais, that was admittedly a much shorter period--a cycle of perhaps 3-4 arns, rather than the usual 6-8. It was still standard for him.  
  
Gradually, they each became aware that they were once again awake. Crais had regained some semblance of awareness first, but had lain comfortably, listening to the endless symphony of noises the Leviathan produced and idly comparing them to the ones he was used to hearing onboard Talyn.  
  
He had found that he was snuggled against his once upon a time prowler pilot, with an arm lightly and casually draped around her. He had been content to leave it there, enjoying the rare closeness, the sense of peace suffusing him.  
  
At length, he realized that the woman he held so lightly and gently was also wakening.  
  
He waited a few moments, allowing her a chance to gain her own bearings. "Well, Officer Sun, good morning", he softly rumbled.  
  
He (just a bit reluctantly, but graciously) removed his arm from around her sleek torso.  
  
She turned around to face him.   
  
"Bialar..."  
  
She reached over to softly caress his cheek, then let her hand travel down the length of his neck and back, stopping just above his waist.  
  
She lingered for just a moment.  
  
"Good morning to you."  
  
She smiled lazily at him. After a moment, she seemed to realize their position, and she slowly retracted her arm.  
  
Crais found himself admiring the most beautiful prowler pilot he had ever seen, the radiant Aeryn Sun.  
  
"Aeryn..."  
  
"Yes, Bialar?"  
  
"Just checking", as he reclined once more on the bed, a smile softening his features.  
  
He felt as though just maybe he wouldn't ever be quite so alone again.  
  
THE END 


End file.
